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Prose
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The Last Party Jack Swenson
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The Fall of a Hunter Dipita Kwa
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Faucet
Carolyn Schlam |
Sting of the Be; beyond the postmodern aesthetic Scott Malby
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by Luis Cuauhtemoc Berriozabal
The dead are
without friends.
They play in
the dust with
their own
bloodied corpses.
The dead
are without
souls. Their ghosts
who roam this
earth are like stones
who cannot speak.
Some try to
piece their limbs
together,
lost to a
war they did
not declare.
In hindsight
some would do
it again.
Others aren't
as gung ho,
so tired of death.
by Luis Cuauhtemoc Berriozabal
What language
should
I speak
to them?The voices
won't
make it
easy.I don't know
what
they are
saying.Should I speak
like
they speak?
Should Ibark like a
dog
just like
they do.
by Patrick Pomeroy
It was a hot balmy furnace of a day
We entered cleverly into the
South China Sea.I was trapped against my will to the
Bamboo and rough bush.
The mountains lush and green.A thousand years of knowledge could
Not have made me see…..The ferocity and discipline of men drinking tea
Wearing all black…Eating rice and shrimp with lemongrass
Enough to last a week.
Curled in furls of sawgrass and bamboo they waitedFor the larger soldiers dressed in green, who marched
In order and never noticed the men in black, silent and unseen.The men of this distant land. Only wanting to hold their seed,
For their women. Once in season… fields of greenWe were ten years in and still Washington could not see or grasp
The broken hearted efforts of the enlisted officer’s
Strength and countenance now a dry and throaty raspOh dear Lord why did we do this….come so far to the
South China Sea, with our journalists and reporters and their
Sponsored spin..Yammering on about something in a thousand
Years we could never win.
by Patrick Pomeroy
I ate the shout that burst from your lungs.
We wanted the specs that were lights of the
valley to chirp and blink all night.The desert is unleavened bread not from an oven.
Ovens don’t produce the pumice that has rubbed
all over our conversation regarding what to do with our
tired, hungry loins, long and feline compared to others.The plague called small talk pervades the car drenched
valley for which we spy on from Eddie Bauer sleeping bags
soaked in the heat from an early morning desert nowhere.The wildflowers almost within reach somehow remind us
that we were talking about it and not doing it.
An Aging North Eastern Bluff On An Island In The Atlantic
by Patrick Pomeroy
She is wet fecundity with dirt, weeds, daisies, cattails and sawgrass
Her countenance a sensuous, dark Mediterranean mouth pouting, curled
Over the dried, cracked, clay hairline of a rocky, grey shale laden viscous
Cliff that gleams hungrily in the beaming summer sunI digress….
To tell of kind bald men with no ease of consciences.
Who while deep in worry refer to her in loud voicesAs Flora
by Rebecca Lu Kiernan
This angelic tenderness is too much.
Your office, too burgundy, too leather.
Your desk is too cherrywood.
You have gone overboard in decoration.
I am sick of your x-ray vision,
Your unnerving telepathy
And irresponsible precognition,
The way you try to medicate my ghosts away
Because they are such stiff competition.Your hands and eyes are too soft.
Your mouth opens mine without warning.
You taste like butterscotch and Red Bull.
I rake my hand through your stylishly graying hair,
Your fingers, so deep inside me
Making circles, wide and wider
Preparing me for the thickness of you.
I straddle you,
One berry brown nipple in your mouth
And milk your one o'clock erection
With my Kegel muscles
Because the wingback chair
Creaks guiltily when we move.
As you climax, I stretch your mouth,
Forcing my whole breast inside
So your waiting patients cannot hear
The way you cry out when you come.That's what you say my dream meant,
The two of us playing chess in the storm
After missing the train,
Never getting wet
Because we don't believe in rain.
by Nicky Marsh
Call him in.
Double bed half-filled;
This smoothly-ironed, coffin-wide space,
This chill that pervades despite socks and spreads.Envelop him.
Bare legs curled around soft fur,
Fast heartbeat pressed against slow pulse.
He turns.
Wet tongue on closed mouth.
Eyelids flicker and fuse; he breathes
The unguarded sleep of trust.Pull him close.
Hands clasped tight around brittle ribcage,
He growls; a reminder
He is not
Nor ever can be
Man.
by Jeff Foster
With a baleful backward glance
She smiles a mouthful of weeds
And spreads her cello-like musings
Like a water stain
by Jeff Foster
Where is Karen Carpenter?
And Jane Kenyon?
Where is Benny Hill, the Stooges
And the Great One?Where is Dean Martin
And Raymond Carver?
Theodore Roethke
And my own father?What are the seasons now
Of May Sarton and Sylvia Plath?
Are the fronded souls
Of John Wayne and Laura Nyro
Now tempered by angels?Do these fists of talent
Now decorate the devil's grandstand
As bunting?These uncertainties left behind
Like arrowheads and pottery shards
by Jeff Foster
I read your sibilance
Like Rorschach
Amiable spider
Atoning walls and ceilings
Like Christ's blood
by Radu Dima
meteors don't
welcome him home
when they freeze
in photographs.
at his
rainlike walk,
hearthfires still
into far sibilance:pulsars vexed
from eden by
the endless silence
of absence
clamoring now
into the airs
of the all-lonely
living worlds,
but only heard by
fasting wolves
after winter has
tuned their ears
and hungers deeper,
far from flesh,
froze then broke
all other sounds,
so that they cluster
now under windows
to feed on the
distant wash
of your breath
in sleep, near
capes to search
for whalesong,
on hills to
scan the sky
for its vast
muted music.
powerlines arc
into stillness
when he walks
down highways
past parks with
leafleft trees, into
the cold quiet
we've built
far away from
some nameless
creature nuzzling
stones to life.
by Radu Dima
smiles trapped in negative,
whiter contours stamped
into a celluloid print
bleached hands defaced,
effaced in ink,
purged from memory.
these are our ghosts,
spun from the whitewash
tide of self,
crumpled into a dark,
shining of a slowness
reeled into being
by poles reversed:
these scars in our
skin are a map
to bring us back into
a west we've lost,
this greater nakedness
in which the air seems
masked is yet another map
that does not know of
north
by Radu Dima
not green but you know
the leaves don't need
that for motion: windwoven
first as skeletons ungrafted,
pulled back from gold
to green not by paint or
illness. you always
keep a compass ready for
a certain north spilt
from the edges of all maps,
since you are sure that leaves,
at their loneliest sing
eachother out of death,
turn into the wind to ask
a question which makes them
leave the trees.
by Scott Malby
Where California ends and Washington begins,Cloudy Shampooey storms like a smoking cigar
Up an Oz land sea coast, casting visionary eyes
Fondling voluptuous intrigues of erupting space.
A tall tree adventurer and rogue, face cut
By opalescent rivers whose whiskey times roll
Over salty spin drift dunes groining their weight
Forward into an empire of green jade firs
Luminously holy and haunted by moss and fern.
Shampooey, flying on its own wings.
Land of drunken trappers, missionaries,
Indians, fisherman and gun toting whores.
Shampooey, at war with war, singing the Wayne
Morse sutra. Land of castor canadensis monogamous,
Flat tailed and teething on beach, birch and alder,
Rooting up willows, buds and roots in yellow throated
Meadowlark valleys of sweet flower nectars
Attracting scat of bear, otter, coyotes. Shampooey!
Independent, skeptical, wide eyed as a sunstone.
Oz West of coastlines where Tom McCall stares
Down from the stars to meet your eyes with his wink.
by Kelley Jean White
7 a.m.—I move
my chair to let sunlight fall
on the morning paper
70 degree March day—
but still that cold harsh light
at four o'clock
After all these years—
hurt, anger, betrayal, still
you intoxicate me!
after the closing—
the new owner finds my aunt's
lost locket in her room
already—
peach blossoms gone
lilacs fading
by Kimberly L. Becker
Between memory and forgetting
there is an uneasy confluence
as if two unruly rivers,
Mnemosyne and Lethe,
ran opposed yet shared the same and hidden delta,
alluvial deposit, sediment of years.
There is no ferry here.
No craft (save that of my own strength)
to convey me over these conflicting waters.
I swim alone at my own risk, subject to undermine of undertow.
But first I must assess the surface
from the safety of the bank.
Observe the roughened velvet of the water.
Gauge its depth,
its bracing danger.
by Kimberly L. Becker
Her flippered arm seemed natural, not deformed
next to her other, normal one.
She swam so well, excelling where I all but failed.
I never thought about her cells,
the way they had not developed or divided according to the normal rules.
Never thought what it must have been like for her at school.
I’d watch her over the top of my book as I cooked in the sun
before my evil stepmother would shoo me back into the water,
telling me to think of my father and Act like you’re having fun.In college, dissecting a rat I had to fish from a vat of formaldehyde
I realized that all along I’d conflated that word with thalidomide
so that I’d always thought of her as the Girl in Formaldehyde.
And indeed she was preserved in my mind as part-mermaid.
Like Lycidas’ dolphins she was at home in water that I feared
and where I fancied I might drown. She ruled
the aquamarine chlorine of the pool,
whereas my regulation arms were used not to swim, but to grasp
my life-preserver, books. When she’d surface after a dive she’d gasp
for air then laugh and hoist herself, dripping silver, onto the pool’s concrete edge.
She was assured in herself in ways I’d never be. Or so I allege.
by Kimberly L. Becker
That day we drove to the beach
And lay in the dunes—
Taste of salt on a stirring wind
Rattle of sea oats.
On the way back I slept
With my head in your lap.
It’s not you I miss
I hardly remember you.
What I miss
Is the unquestioning confidence
We’d get to where we were going
And the heedless assurance
We’d make our way back home.
by Corey Cook
is what the receipt reads,
the product: oversized
plastic gift bags. My wife,
Rachael, wraps, or bags
a baby gate, a bathtub
and clothes—prepares
to leave for her
friend’s baby shower
in Massachusetts. Before
bagging the clothes though
she holds each outfit up
for me to see, we smile
at each other, then walk hand
in hand to our bedroom.
by Corey Cook
I walk on the side of the road
as Winter’s sludge chokes
the sidewalk. It is a sunny day,
each warm gust a shove. I am on
my way to visit my grandmother,
on my way as a light blue Toyota
station wagon slows. Stops. It is
the mother of a boy I baby-sit. "Corey,
how is your grandmother?" she asks.
"Well…" I begin. "Oh, she’s well. What
great news" she replies. "She’s dying"
I say as I look down at my grey shoes.
What I Would Like to Say to My Uncle
by Corey Cook
"It took years of effort
to become the mess that you see..."
-John Fogerty
It didn't take years of effort bringing can
after can of Bud to your cracked
lips, slurring a greeting from your bed
on Christmas morning when we showed up
to swap presents, driving a tow truck
around a college town when you
could be a professor, not seeing your only
grandchild who lives in the same town. Stop
now or the undertaker will have to pry
a half finished beer can from your hand
while your family looks on with frozen smiles
through the glass of the frames
that have restrained them.
by William C. Houze
I think even in bliss
about it all the time now—
the walks and cliffs
on the island we loved,
the dead crow we saw
a thing now of earth,
my motorcycle at rest
on its stand in darkness,
talk of boats and Europe
then of wills and deeds—
it is before and in now
looming the sun rises now
it is after and out now
cresting the moon sinks now—
speak of it soon or not
matters little at the end—
holding a cup of coffee
looking at your breasts
void upon void now
emptiness and letting go
even in bliss now
all the time now
by Emma Leavey
You sent me a lake translated.
Slick colour
backed on professional paper.
A superb reproduction
with chemical clarity
and three-dimensionality.It is clear.
There is silver on the water—
that sparkle captured in stillness forever.It is clear.
The ground is hard beneath the sand.
No foot pockets,
no hollows left
by nestling bodies.Frozen, immortalized
are unknown people,
half-naked and now, somehow,
half-familiar.
Isn't that
that pompous chap from back home,
mid-strut, in an ample pair of shorts?Your translation,
I translated it.With water and stain
I composed a hazy lake.
In some places muddy,
in others,
muted.
How could I capture a suspended sparkle?Your perfect lake—
saturated to splodge and blur,
some vibrancy lost—
became primitive in my callow hand.Matter to accurate image.
Image to watercolour smear.
And now
this third translation:some disembodied words,
a reflection
of an interpretation
of an impression.
by Emma Leavey
I left my camera in Alonei Abba,
last summer,
on a bench by an empty children’s playground.
We sit and eat last night’s pasta from a plastic box
and talk about people
who you say
parade their aberrant ways
in the faces of
others.In venerable German houses
they display art—
diffused, scattered—
around shady courtyards where arrogantly graceful boys play chess
and listen to the Doors, and older women, artists,
sit and pass comment and laze
and don’t care about national recognition.Quiet.
And there are houses that no one lives in.
Scrolled in ivy and bougainvillea.
Guarded by father’s oaks.
by Emma Leavey
I look for you in my bleedingtime.With your help I will
tear down
those plans we made, he and I.
We didn’t fail;
things changed as you,
Mrs No-Nurture,
know so well.That black glass jar, with
bubbles trapped in
its hard skin,
holds nails and bolts and screws
and tiny fragments of dead fairies.With you I will
sort through them.
I will put things in small boxes.
And throw away the rest.Death Lady,
you’re with me in my bleeding,
will help me when
the day comes
that I forget to bleed.I’ll throw away what I don’t need.
Let go,
prepare for spring.
by Aurora Antonovic
Today,
we get him to try
Something Different:
instead of the robin egg blue
button-down oxford
or dove grey silk with French cuffs
we clothe him
in plain white cotton
tapered, casual, comfortable (comforting?)To celebrate,
I take the Manhattan cruise
the floating, dizzy feeling
as we glide down the lake
mimicking much
the way he must have felt
when cheap cotton first
touched his skin
by Maurice Oliver
After we agree that theater could never imitate life we proceed to
draw-up a rough-draft that calls for a sweat-shop to pose as a rain
forest. In this scenario she can't decide whether to be the fur lining
inside an exiled Romanian princess or leafy chestnut trees wearing
thick mascara. I debate on whether I want to be a Parisian tailor with
a long tape-measure of seven-year itch or the return address on a
letter bomb. She thinks I should be the one to tell Rasputin to let up
the toilet seat and I'm convinced she should acknowledge that every
sixth-finger is a birthmark. Neither of us wants to be the DEA agent
with a big searchlight who forgets to ask the vampire for bribe money.
Still, stuff happens. A single thread could hold together the entire hem
of the world or peaches is the taste of the future. Either way, 1941 is
invited back to Paris where its been waiting for a repairman ever
since the transmission blew out.
by Maurice Oliver
In her opinion, a metaphor should be categorized
by size & amount of choices on the menu. By speed
& wind velocity. Whether they are punctual on habitually
tardy. If they've ever been arrested for driving under
the influence. Missed a child-support payment. Filed
for bankruptcy. She feels it should be noted if they have
ever had a bad case of heartburn. Wet in the bed as a
child. Can read music. Chinese characters. Morse code.
Has a preference for frog legs or snails. Can speak at
least 3 different languages. Likes panoramic views. And
perhaps more important, has dived into the deep blue
sea with its headlights still on.
A Bobby Pin & An Electric Socket
by Maurice Oliver
Sometimes pleasure rises up like a brand-new sun. But more often,things pan out in the abridged version. The search-boat never comes
close to spotting the pearl necklace. The stitches that hold together our
lives unravel due to shoddy workmanship. Whatever was once in the
kitty has now been doled-out to an over-paid maid who only dusts the
mantle every second Friday. The peace plan is crumpled beyond any
reasonable recognition. The absurd attaches itself in the air like
Spanish moss while the marks a prisoner makes counts the days. Or,
a storm rocks the ship out of the beam of the lighthouse. Most only
listen to music that can move. And while all this is happening, Dracula's
two pointed teeth write sentimental inscriptions on some sleeping neck.
"Skip #73" Sonnet
by Maurice Oliver
I have my reasons. For instance, the ability
to iron creases out of a fan for one. To find
a chaos theory appealing for another. To be
a vehicle on the road to salvation. Untied
shoelaces. Overturned chairs. The buoy left
out in a frigid ocean. An obdurate spider. A
redeemed sheep. The quack of a ravenous
duck. "X" that does not mark the spot. Pastry
already stale. No shortage of hummingbirds.
Lead feathers. Tarred toast. Clouds that have
not yet learned how to clot. Defiant caterpillars.
Edible snails. The sun & moon oblivious to
indifference. No pet rocks. Beauty when it's
accidental. Fruit that purposely lacks seeds.
And of course, a steadfast belief in the notion
of "why".
Ignoring The Super-Crazy-Ultra-Wide
by Maurice Oliver
OK. OK.If I had my rathers I'd prefer a steamy attic
with a razor's edge view. The wooden beamswould have nothing left to say & the winter
isolation would be pilfered in the prettier way.There would be no mirrors & the stylize fuzz
might be mistaken for dust bunnies. O yeah,& the old trunk in the corner would become
extremely talkative after a few drinks but mostof all would be well-known for its slick handling
of a deck of cards.
by Robert L. Harrison
Rusty never talked
not even a yep
or nod of the head.
But his eyes
were clear
and could see
through the bullshit
around him.
So yer never lied to Rusty.
even the docs
who examined him
that gave him six months
for his heavenly transfer
looked him straight
in the eye.
But a year later
Rusty's presence
still penetrated them,
making the medics
glance away when
he came around
as the rest of us
hi-fived him
in silence
by Robert L. Harrison
They slip onto ferries
and cross the choppy Hudson
leaving their dream streets
and blue chips behind.
Now, the Jersey shore
looms ahead,
a landscape waiting
for a landing.
A renter's paradise
where the yuppies go, where Hoboken days
turn into Weehawken nights.
by Joseph Lewis
Orange smoke from the chimney
on a roof that's layered with snow
disappears into the pale blue sky
as fast as someone breathing.
When the wind shifts the snow
blows away from the branches
like white dust then glitters
in the air and flies away.
The same sun that makes the snow
seem as blue as the sky today
will turn the field outside my door
into rivulets of ashes and mud.
by Joseph Lewis
The sun burns through a layer of cloud
to fill my room with light again.
Through the half-closed blinds the tops of pines
seem to be swaying in the wind,
but maybe it's the light that makes them move,
the same light that covers the ground
and spreads over the tops of trees
and on the roofs of automobiles
motionless in their spaces.
The light seems cold in a heated room,
not like the light on a summer morning
thick with the smell of flowers,
but as pale as the sky in winter
even when it seems to dissolve a cloud
that might have held a frozen rain
falling in a field waiting to be plowed again.
by Pete Lee
you hear it
before you
can tell
where it's
going
to appear
& they grow 'em
big out here so
you crouch down
both hands
holding your hat
on & it
doesn't last
more than
30 seconds
& then it's
as if
nothing
has occurred
except your
neighbor's
front porch
roof
is lying
upside-down
at your
feet
by Pete Lee
after a thousand
candid shots
your good side
still eludes me
by Pete Lee
puts all his money
in a cloud bank, but
it falls through.
by Howard Good
I had trouble learning
to tie my shoes,so my mother took me
to a rabbi. I was five,six. He demonstrated
on his own shoes first.Sometimes I think
I dreamed the rabbiwith his long, scary beard.
My mother is dead now.I still make two loops
and slip one through the other.
by Howard Good
for Gabriel
It isn’t the meaning
of these wordsthat matters
just the soundlike the hammering
from next doora couple of roofers
on their kneesand racing the light
because it may be truewhat they heard
tomorrow rain
by Howard Good
Furtive glances and whispers,
bare, bereft trees,
unfaithful gods lolling about
a galaxy of tinfoil stars,
the dead from the newspaper
receding into white space
while strangers stare
at their inscrutable backs,
on my machine a voice
I don’t recognize announcing
a new age, though horses scream,
and it’s night, and the creek
overflows as with sudden tears.
The Last Party Jack Swenson
The Language of Flowers Alice Folkart
Some Things My Sister Left Behind Lockie Hunter
Days Like This Eric D. LehmanHard Break Will Orr-Ewing
Homebrew Saro Bedian
Hitching to London Steve Wheeler.
The Last Party
by Jack Swenson
hen they wound their way up the hill through the pine trees and saw the house, Jack told his wife that it reminded him of The Big Chill. The stately old house, with porches running the entire length of both floors in front, had the look of a southern mansion. The grounds were extensive. There was a small structure called the tea house halfway down the hill, a small enclosure with a larger corral for the cows, a chicken house and pen off to one side. The house itself, though imposing at first glance, was not very large. There were only two bedrooms.
The greeting given them by their host and hostess was warm but solemn. They were there for a party, but it was an occasion that was bittersweet, one last party, a fitting sendoff for their dead friend.
Mark died from a heart attack, not by his own hand. So there was not that additional tragedy to their gathering. He died of what Hal, a doctor, referred to as a myocardial infarction, the kind of event that is often accompanied by the adjective "massive" when the sad news is given out. In other words, their friend had died, and they had been invited by other friends, Bill and Janey, to a party in Mark's honor at their retirement home on Gull Lake. One last party. For a man who dearly loved to party. But didn't they all? And hadn't they done so, year after year, until over time most of them simply ran out of steam?
Janey ushered them into the house and into the living room. Bev and Skip were sitting on the couch. Bev got up, wrapped her arms around Jack, and whispered in his ear. Jack shook hands with Skip, then he introduced his wife Katie to both of them. "Watch that guy," Jack said to Katie. "He's a child molester." Skip grinned his most lascivious grin.
Paul was there, Shorty and Liz, too, and Alice Kirkwood who had hopped on a plane in Boston to be there. So were the contingent of widows, Inga, Mary Lou, and Lindy.
The wine was in the kitchen, Janey announced. The beer was in the refrigerator, she said. Help yourself. There were soft drinks, too. Jack got a Coke and brought a glass of red wine back for Katie. He wandered up to Paul who was looking out the window and grinning his crooked grin. He hadn't seen his old roommate for forty years. "Talk to me," Paul said. They talked. The forty years melted away. It was as if they picked up their last conversation where they had left it. "What are you reading these days?" Paul asked. Since he had retired, he had become a real couch potato, he said. All he did was sleep, eat, and read.
After dinner, Jack stood up to deliver a more-or-less impromptu eulogy. Janey had asked him to get the ball rolling only an hour or so earlier. They would all chime in later with their favorite Mark stories, she said. Jack recalled the time that he and Mark got pulled over by a cop after drinking beer for about six hours in a bar waiting for Chet Baker to show up. The trumpeter finally made it, drunk and stoned, and several hours late. He and Mark weren't in the best of shape either, when they left the bar, Jack said. The cop decided that Jack was too drunk to drive, so he told him to change places with Mark. Mark opened the door on the passenger side and fell out onto the roadway. He picked himself up, walked around the car, got in, and they drove away. The cop just stood there shaking his head.
You could get away with stuff like that in the old days, Jack said.
Later they all chimed in. Someone told about the time that Mark "stole" a car, driving off in a car identical to his, and bringing it back the next day only to discover that his car was on the lawn in the backyard. Inga remembered the weekend the whole gang had stayed at Lindy's parents' lake cottage, and Bill got mad at Milt and hitch-hiked home, a journey of some two-hundred miles, and was sitting on the front steps of their apartment when Skip got home. Of course everybody laughed at Shorty remembering how he used to get red-faced drunk and shout at the top of his lungs, "Let's get drunk and BE somebody!" The stories went on and on.
By ten o'clock, however, the first defectors began to leave. Alice was staying in the spare bedroom; the rest had rooms in local motels. Jack and Katie were staying in Nisswa, a few miles away. The next day some more socializing was planned and a dinner in a local restaurant for those who could stay. Jack said they had to get back to Minneapolis early because his son and his wife and daughter were flying in from Singapore that evening.
Bill was drunk, of course, but he was the only one. Even Alice, whom Jack had suspected was a full-blown alcoholic, was sober. She had nursed one glass of wine all evening.
How the mighty have fallen, thought Jack, and he and the other old codgers got into their cars and were spirited into the night.
Katie drove back to their motel. She had fun, she said. They minded their p's and q's picking their way back to the highway by reading Janey's directions backward. When they were safely on their way, Katie asked Jack what Bev had whispered in his ear when they first arrived. "Oh, she kidded me for robbing the cradle again," he said. But that wasn't what she had actually said. What she said was, "I'll never forget that night." Jack hadn't forgotten it, either, but he wished he could. It was a dumb thing to do. Even if her husband didn't care.
The Language of Flowers
by Alice Folkart
was seventeen. He was thirty, a poet who owned a very hip coffee house. He'd hired me to wait tables, this was my second night, and now, at two a.m., after we'd locked up, he said, "Alice, you're so tense, you've got to relax. Let me help you baby."
He led me to the back of the coffeehouse.
After his wife had thrown him out of their house, he'd moved into the store, curtained off a space, wedged in a narrow cot, painted the walls dark red, and hung mirrors and set candles everywhere.
"Lie down there, Alice," he whispered conspiratorially. "You know, to make this therapy work, you should be naked, free of fetters."
I must have shown my surprise, because he added, "This is strictly clinical, honey. I just want to help you. Consider me as your therapist."
I'd never been to a therapist, nor to a doctor where I had to take off my clothes, but I was afraid he'd think me bourgeois and uptight, so I pretended nonchalance and stripped off my dress. I lay down in my bra and panties.
"Ah, Alice," he sighed. "You might as well stay dressed. I can't help you like that."
I shivered, and took them off too, feeling skinned. No one had seen me naked since I was three. He smiled.
The deflowering was gentle and poetic. I felt loved. No one had ever loved me. I wasn't alone anymore. I left at dawn deliriously happy. Vahan and me! A man! Who would have thought!
I stayed late the next two nights, and lay with him, imagining us married as soon as he got his divorce, running the coffee house, he writing poetry, becoming famous, me helping him, maybe writing too, la, la, la, la.
Saturday night, the biggest night of the week, the place was full. Tips were generous. We were busy. Then, the twins came in, dark, willowy, self-assured, looking like a double vision of Audrey Hepburn. I knew I was finished. Vahan served them, gave them free éclairs, made himself a Viennese coffee, sat down with them. I raced from table to table, burned myself with steam from the espresso machine, washed cups, and took orders while they sat and giggled. The crowd dwindled, and Vahan came over to me. "These girls need a lift home. You close. Go on home. Don't wait for me."
I did anyway. I sat and cried on the edge of 'our' bed until four a.m. Then, I got the long, serrated, tomato-slicing knife from the kitchen and slit his sheets from top to bottom. It didn't make me feel better. I walked home into the dawn.
He must have felt guilty. Came all the way across town to my tiny apartment. He knocked and knocked. I didn't answer. Hours later, when I opened the door, a long-stemmed red rose fell from the doorknob.
Didn't he know that you can't give the flower back?
Return to Prose
Some Things My Sister Left Behind
by Lockie Hunter
ne doll with a painted white face and a delicate purple fan that our father brought back from Chinatown (Exxon station bathroom, just outside of Memphis)
One yellow plaid hair ribbon with her name, Aimee, embroidered in purple script (Samuel Jackson playground, Memphis)
Two tonsils (Doctor Simmons office, Memphis)
Three Judy Bloom books (under bunk number seven, cheerleading camp, Nashville)
One retainer (boyfriend’s house, Memphis)
One trophy, “Best Poetry 1976: Samuel Jackson Junior High” (bedside table, bedroom, Boston)
One 1980 Toyota Corolla, white with beige interior: totaled (Peabody Service and Towing, Memphis)
One letter from dad encouraging her to “excel in her studies and drive carefully dammit now that she is up there in Yankeeland” signed “I love you so much baby” (shoebox under bed, Boston)
Twenty five assorted love letters from seven different boys dated 1982-2006 (shoebox under bed, Boston)
Five little black dresses (hanging in closet, bedroom, Boston)
Three unpaid speeding tickets (sitting on desk under three day old Starbucks mocha latte, home office, Boston)
Two “respectable” business suits, both heather gray (hanging in closet, bedroom, Boston)
Two unfed cats sitting on the windowsill, waiting (kitchen, Boston)
Three pairs of blue jeans: two faded Levi boot cut size 7M with butt and knees missing, one Guess slim fit size four never worn (bureau, bedroom, Boston)
One unfinished memoir titled “My Life in Words” (C:drive, home office, Boston)
Four pints of blood (Massachusetts Turnpike between Boston and Cambridge)
One recipe for asparagus with pecan brown butter (recipe box, kitchen, Boston)
One 1987 VW bug, sunflower yellow with cloud white interior; totaled (Commonwealth Service and Towing, just off the Massachusetts Turnpike between Cambridge and Boston)
Nineteen detailed photo albums recording her unfinished life (knotty pine bookshelf, living room, Boston)
One antique wedding gown, circa 1948, found at garage sale (HOPE chest, foot of bed, Boston)
One sister, twenty two years old, on computer, writing, (Memphis)
One detailed “incident resulting in loss of life” form 192B filed in triplicate (Cambridge Police station, District Six Station, Cambridge)
One mother, forty nine years old, deciding between five little black dresses and two “respectable” suits to bring to funeral parlor (bedroom closet, Boston)
Return to Prose
Days Like This
by Eric D. Lehman
can smell the autumn coming, I think, as I walk across campus to my morning class. The brisk wind grants a snap to the air that wasn’t noticeable before. Every year it seems to start earlier. I greet a student in high heels and sweatpants who moans that she had stomach flu. “I’m going to the health center.” I shrug, not caring if she comes to class, but knowing I should show some concern. “Get well soon.” I say, and creak long legs up the stairs to my two-hundred-fiftieth class in ten years.
In the dirty classroom, complete with water stains and broken chairs, I divide my students into groups. Only one student has done the reading and I know I should give a quiz to fail them all, but instead tell each group to read the story, looking for purpose and strategy. “The faster you guys do this, the faster we get out of here,” I tell them, looking out the window at the yellowing trees, at life moving by on the brick walkways below. But they waste time, laughing and recounting weekend parties, arguing about sports teams, and showing off new hairdos. I wander around the room, joking, prodding them into action, trying to help them learn. They ignore me, sending text messages to each other, knowing for certain that they have all the time in the world.
Maybe the stomach flu girl will die, I think cheerily, it would be the only thing that would wake them up. Four students died in a car crash last year and it briefly energized the campus, snapping the others into a kind of attention that lasted a month or two. Why is death the only thing that seems to make us care when we are young? The story is “Once More to the Lake” by E.B. White, about a father taking his son to a lake that his own father had introduced him to. Throughout the story, the father identifies with his son, but at the end realizes that he is no longer young, and will die. No one in the room reached this conclusion, and when I tell them, they don’t seem to be fazed, packing their bookbags and flipping on their cell phones. “Test on Wednesday!” I call out to them, but no one turns around.
I slouch back to my office, gritting my teeth, and decide to become harder and less tolerant, to abolish leniency, to make myself into the teacher I always hated. I think of the vast reserves I have poured into others’ lives over the past ten years. What was it for? For that one student that I do reach, I usually answered, but not today. Today, I feel quite certain that autumn is already here.
imon enjoyed his own company: he found it much more interesting than other people’s. He spent most of his time either out at the cinema or in with his computer games. It wasn’t that he was shy; he just didn’t care much for conversation. His sounded so plodding compared with the ones he heard at the cinema. His voice was too toneless, too English. So he spoke only when absolutely necessary.
One of his pet hates was a trip to the hairdresser, and the chirpy interrogation he was subjected to there. He had learnt to seek out the immigrants: the Armenians, the Turks, the Greeks. Quiet artisans, he liked to think— professional, hard-working, and mute. But over the years even these had become chatty or campy, asking in their broken English where he was at school or whether he had a girlfriend.
With his adulthood came an even worse affliction: the driving lesson. Here there were no distractions and no escape. Simon had tried three different teachers in as many weeks, and each one had offered him a smorgasbord of intimate revelations, crushing local history and—he was certain—unabashed flirtation.
So it seemed an auspicious day when Simon first met Carl. Carl drove a mobile barbershop from town to town. Simon had entered more out of curiosity than anything else; he remembered seeing one in an old Ealing comedy. And Carl himself had an ‘Ealing’ air about him too. He was probably just over sixty; his hair was an immaculate white and combed through with Brylcreem. He had caring blue eyes that looked out from a heavily-wrinkled face.
On that first meeting Carl insisted on washing the hair beforehand, and his big calloused hands tickled the back of Simon’s ears. He snipped slowly and silently. A radio tuned to Capital Gold provided the only noise in the background. It all gave Simon that dreamy, stomachless sensation you get driving over a bump in the road. He closed his eyes and luxuriated in it.
On his way out, still tingling, he noticed an old advertisement in the window. It was a hand-written note offering driving lessons at a good price. Inquire within, it said.
“Um, excuse me Mr. Carl, do you still…” Simon inquired, pointing to the sheet.
“Oh yes,” Carl said, “haven’t for a while mind.”
Simon booked ten lessons—one every Wednesday—and a test at the end. Just as he had hoped, Carl brought the same mellifluous feeling to his driving-lessons as he did to his hairdressing. They were hushed affairs, broken with Carl’s occasional, softly-spoken instructions: “Third, if you fancy…” Other than that, they maintained a companionable silence.
They stuck to the suburbs to begin with: quiet, residential areas with barely a car on them. Simon found it hard to tell the neighbourhoods apart: the odd patch of grass here or there, but mostly row after row of identical houses.
The mobile barbershop that stood guard in front of one house demarcated which neighbourhood was Carl’s. Carl seemed to engineer it so that they passed through it at exactly the same time every week. His house was much the same as every other in the neighbourhood but his garden was incomparable. Simon took in a new bit of it each week. In the middle was a golf-green of a lawn with grass like rich velvet. An artificial slope rose from one side of it, up to their neighbour’s wall. A rock garden interspersed with colourful shrubs cascaded down it. On the other side was a bed of vibrantly coloured plants: greens, purples and yellows stayed in the mind. Flanked by the frazzled brown soil of his neighbours, Carl’s garden looked magical—even a bit ridiculous.
Every time they passed, Simon noted a woman—often on all fours—working in the garden. She wore flowery summer dresses that showed off an athletic figure, and she exerted herself with wanton energy. There was something voluptuous in the way she plunged her spade or pulled up a root. As they passed, Carl would look at her intently, and proudly. Sometimes she looked up and nodded, but often they drove by unnoticed.
Simon looked forward to his lessons with increasing zeal. That sense of peaceful security seemed somehow inaccessible without Carl, and he felt their separation keenly during the week. So it was a great thrill to him when, on the way home from the cinema one day, he spotted Carl’s reticent grin and the woman from the garden on the headline of the local paper.
CHILBOLTON GARDEN SHOW
FIRST PRIZE: CARL AND MARY BARROW
He bought the paper and read it on his bed at home. The Barrows had won two categories: a prize for the biggest aubergine, and one for presentation. Simon wasn’t sure why but the result over-joyed him. At his next lesson, he cautiously asked Carl about it.
“Oh yes,” Carl said, “the wife and I love to garden.”
“And you won the garden show…” Simon’s words faltered out.
“Well, didn’t exactly win it…only presentation for my lot. Few problems with th’ artichokes this year. But Mrs. Barrow’s aubergine was the biggest they ever seen almost,” he laughed. The conversation was effortless; Simon liked his voice with Carl. But Carl’s words had made him realise something: he had never even heard of an aubergine or an artichoke before. The words sounded so sumptuous on Carl’s lips.
After the lesson, he sought out the local library and borrowed a book on gardening. All that week he lay on his bed reading; it was one of the first books he had read in years. He read meticulously—beginning with soil type, moving on to garden layout, then seasons, then about the plants and vegetables themselves. Aubergines were quite exotic, he read, and ideally required a greenhouse; they could be ready in as little as three or four months. The Jerusalem artichoke, on the other hand, planted in late spring, required more patience; it took almost a year to flower. Typical Carl, he thought.
When he wasn’t reading, he slinked to the supermarket and sidled along the ‘fruit and veg’ counter stealing tastes of all the new things he’d learnt about. (He was well practiced after doing the same to the ‘pick n mix’ at the cinema.) It was an almost transcendental awakening: that first beetroot—its hard texture melting to soft mush in his mouth, the pop of a blueberry as he bit into it. He often left with a rainbow of colours around the corners of his mouth. He made a few mistakes: on one occasion early on, he bit into an avocado with a crunch and worried that his yelp might attract the security guard. But as he read more, and tasted more, he learnt which products—an aubergine, a parsnip—needed slipping into his pocket and cooking at home.
In his next lesson with Carl, Simon bubbled with conversation: “When’s the right time to plant apples?” “Can you still buy raspberries in the winter?” “Is it true that the Romans used to grow wine in Scotland?” At the end of the lesson—just as dusk was flirting with the remains of the day—Carl turned to Simon.
“I tell you what,” he said “would you be wanting to see the allotment?”
“What’s that?” Simon asked.
“What’s that!” Carl chortled.
They had to cross a railway line to get to the allotments; on the other side they spread out in a rampaging wildness. He saw a trail of smoke rise up in the distance; tangles of vines spiralled through the air. Simon followed Carl to his allotment and stood speechless. His was entered through a small gate with a wooden arch crawling with roses. It had a heart etched in the apex, through which was inscribed ‘The Barrows’, along with a picture of a wheelbarrow. A fence ran round the outside of the allotment—marking off his territory.
“The grass is always greener,” Carl said, with his hand on the fence, “people always want what’s rightfully yours. They say green’s the colour of envy, Simon. And no wonder,” he chuckled.
Carl led Simon from border to border. The allotment was divided in two: one half for Carl, one for his wife. Carl skipped quickly over his. It was neat and restrained—Simon could see why it had won the award for presentation. His wife’s half was much more dramatic, flamboyant even. There were fruits in hers that Simon hadn’t even read about: yellow raspberries, apricots all furry against his cheek. He tasted a plum, and its juices oozed out into every corner of his mouth.
“It’s amazing,” Simon said.
“Aye she is,” Carl replied, “Mrs Barrow is a wonderful gardener.” The tour culminated with her aubergine: “She is especially good at her aubergines.”
When the tour was over, they sat under a canopy in the allotment.
“Um, will I get to meet Mrs. Barrow, Carl?”
“Oh, not here. No, Wednesdays she works in the garden. She’s up here Mondays and Thursdays.” He paused in the still, summer evening. “Such a loyal woman, Mrs. Barrow. Only happy when she’s with her plants.”
Simon smiled.
“But…” here Carl paused, and looked rather wistfully into the bushes, “sometimes I think Mrs. Barrow deserves a proper garden of her own. A big place. In the country someplace.” He shook himself from this and together they picked some fruit for Simon to take home. Then they strolled back to the car as night descended.
Carl was so effective a teacher that Simon couldn’t help but improve. It was with a sinking heart that he climbed into Carl’s car for the last lesson before his test. And Simon thought—or hoped—that he detected a similar sadness in Carl’s voice when he greeted him:
“Let’s hope this is the last lesson eh Simon…” he said with a weak smile.
They started to follow their well-worn route: up the duel carriageway to start with, on into the garden centre for some parking practice, ending—always at the same time—near Carl’s house where they fine-tuned some manoeuvres. Except this time was different. For the first time, there was heavy traffic on the duel carriageway—Simon sat silently drubbing his fingers on the steering-wheel.
“How’s Mrs. Barrow?” Simon asked
“She’ll be in the garden Wednesdays. Only happy when she’s with her plants, Mrs. Barrow,” he said. When there was no more movement from the traffic, he added: “I expect we’ll see her in a minute or two.”
They squirmed out of the jam a little while later but as the mobile barbershop came into view, it was obvious that no one was home. The lights were off, the garden deserted. Carl had a bemused look on his face.
“Bit crowded around here for manoeuvres,” Carl said, “tell you what—let’s try the garden centre again. Plenty of parking bays there.”
So they drove back to the garden centre and for the first time Carl seemed a bit on edge. Maybe he was sad that the lessons were ending, Simon thought.
“Third, if you fancy,” he trilled, “now forth. Forth, Simon. Come on.”
There was barely a car at the garden centre.
“Left or right?” Simon asked.
“Tell you what,” Carl said, “I’m just going to…” he trailed off and got out of the car. “Just practice some parallel parking in those bays. Won’t be long...”
He moved to the entrance in a light jog but returned panting about five minutes later. Now he started directing Simon with jerky, jolty instructions, almost barking them.
“Left,” he said, “Good. Left again. Now right.”
Soon they were at the allotment. From the car, they had a good view of Carl’s: but it was empty too. Again, a distant line of smoke lifted in the distance to the sky.
Simon looked over at Carl for directions. Carl puffed out his cheeks.
“Right,” he said, slowly, “let’s pull out here…”
He aimlessly let Simon drive back into town—back past the garden centre, back towards his neighbourhood.
“Right, let’s do a three-point-turn in the road,” Carl said rather lackadaisically when they were back in the suburbs. Simon started the procedure: wheel as far as possible to the right, foot very gently off the clutch, glide round, break, apply hand-break, wing-mirror, rear-mirror, blind spot…and that’s when he glimpsed her. Mrs. Barrow slinked out of a front-door, then turned to put her hand back through the crack, was pulled inside once more—her head leaned forward into the darkness —then she was out again, smoothing her dress down with her palms. A small ‘smart car’ was parked outside: ‘Benjamin and Benjamin: Retail Development’, it said in trendy multi-coloured lettering on the side. She had turned the other way from Simon and Carl, back towards home, and strolled off purposefully with her mousy hair bobbing as she went.
Simon completed the procedure then looked at Carl. He had his whole body turned, looking searchingly out of the rear window. When he turned to face the front again, he kept his face still as if any movement would be too much. He had his lips pursed but other than that looked his usual serene self.
“Right, and pull away,” he mumbled.
They continued along the road in silence.
“Right or left?” Simon asked. There was no response. “Right or left?” he asked again, more pertinently. They were nearing a junction. “Carl!” Simon stressed, “right or left Carl?”
Carl slammed his foot on the instructor’s break and the car bounced to a halt. They mimed each other, shunting their bodies forward then backwards sharply into the seat. Simon panted heavily and looked at Carl.
“Left,” Carl said, “let’s go left.”
They went along in silence for awhile before Carl spoke, softly: “I apologise for my hard breaking.” The phrase seemed odd, to both of them. Carl repeated it, even softer, to himself, and it got caught in his mouth: “I apologise for my hard breaking.” Then he just repeated the last two words in a whisper. It was as if, by saying those words, the reality of the situation was confirmed. He hadn’t known what he was feeling until then; now his emotions were categorised. His body slumped visibly, as if something had passed out of him.
Simon passed his test comfortably, of course. The following Wednesday felt strange and aimless without the driving lesson. He went to the cinema; he tried his DVD collection, but neither lifted his spirits. His hair was still short enough from his haircut just ten weeks before but he went to where Carl’s van had been parked—hoping for another. The lot stood empty.
Dedicated to Julia
Return to Prose
by Saro Bedian
boy in his mid teens named John lives alone with his mother. His father is far away, has been far away for a long time, and John does not expect to see him again. He is a quiet boy, who has many hobbies, but often does things alone. One day, friends from school rag on him for having a model plane collection and he shoots the roof. Finally, storming off after yelling for five minutes, he calms down enough to really hate them. That was exactly what they wanted. John does not know this, though. He thinks they were just being mean and stupid, so he goes home and decides to start a new hobby.
Coming into the house John looks at his mother sitting and reading the classified section of the newspaper. She always does this, looking for bargains and hoping to find a better job at the same time. She takes one look at her son then glances back at the paper.
"