Prose
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Sick
Dog Lauren
Becker
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The Orthographers Kane X. Faucher
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Pure
Love Carolyn
Schlam |
Five Poems by Yosa Buson translated by EP Allan
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by Luis Cuauhtemoc Berriozabal
The red moon
drenched in blood
opens its |
mouth and spits
out stars in
bits and pieces
into night’s
dark cradle
Unhappiness
by Luis Cuauhtemoc Berriozabal
Beached on the shore,
spread out on the sand,
wrapped up in a net,
was my unhappiness.
A headless horse
without a saddle
ran out from the sea.
Its black coat shimmering.
An albatross was perched
upon the horse’s waist.
Dario's Cypress Tree
by Luis Cuauhtemoc Berriozabal
Offended, the cypress tree weeps.
Bare of birds, the grass
dried up, and the cemetery abandoned.
There are no birds singing. The dead
and living are gone to another land.
Nobody stayed behind.
Who's to tend to the cypress tree?
Destiny is a cruel thing.
Only the fog surrounds the cypress tree.
There is not one corpse in the cemetery.
The cypress tree is weeping.
The sad cypress tree
weeps alone.
by Robert Cullen
To my knowledge he was not enrolled,
but a figure about campus clearly he was,on expanses of commons bordered
the old three and four-storied brick buildings,
at the bases of cement steps leading up to
the hallowed halls and under stately trees
whose sprawling branches shaded lawns
and roof-tops alike
as they had for generations the same.He had been in the war accounts agreed,
beyond that little was proffered.Transfixed, he twitched not nor spoke
for hours at a stretch . . .an open hand, graceful fingers,
head tilted this way then that,
sometimes a cap, unassuming,
in the heat, the cold, the rain . . .a statue of flesh and cloth and stone.
Arriving in simple garb of white,
tambourines jingling, totting the blessed pails
of rice and veggies,
in joyous praise their mantra singing . . .Hare Krishna Hare Krishna
Krishna Krishna Hare Hare
Hare Rama Hare Rama
Rama Rama Hare Hare . . .in hypnotic waves washing over the fray.
And he moved not a muscle all the while
politicos hurled invectives, footballers
ran raucous their sacred colors
drumbeats pounding,
frat-boy tribals held rites of passage.I quartered the crescendos on tomes
of Western wisdom and Eastern meditations . . .held form an eternity of fifteen minutes
once but surrendered to distractions,
offerings brought this way but once,
the frantic world burning deep upon itself.And perhaps a water lay over the sand
floating images of date palms and dancing girls,
or a weathered sphinx in the howling wind
with sand-blind eyes.When summer came I slipped away,
following a curious voice in a garbled tongue.
But I had heard in the casual way of things
that work had come the strange man’s way . . .bearing signs on busy boulevards
beckoning throngs with bargains and come-ons.And he moved not a muscle all the while
they passed, an endless flow,
some taunting or tooting and some even
wondering if he were real.
At John Pennekamp Underwater Park
(off the Florida Keys, where stands a statue of Christ
in alluring waters)by Robert Cullen
The Red Snapper are not red at forty feet
nor the yellow purple angelfish so seen
but oddlyblue-green hues and cool shades
as they pass in schools and poke about
nibbling tidbits hanging round rocks, reefs
and whatever rises, forms, attaches sea floors
settling . . .a concrete buoy rest, an anchor, a plinth
of rusting iron, a statue of Christ at forty feet
call much the same when hunger calls
when shells, barnacle-crust and tiny creatures
cling . . .predators circle their salt-sodden turfs
while beyond them shrouded the blue-green
silence greater forms circle, sharks
hammerheads and who knows which
lurkinga time suspended twilight tugging at chords
recessed, shuttering visceral depths,
a grouper sucks in a parrot fish, an angel
slips into the shadowy mouth of a tunnel
secludingwhatever else secludes when reef sirens
sound danger rippling ancient membranes
stretched abysses of memory . . .screams my primitive heart.
by Angelo Giambra
Dawn crawls through ducts all the way
from China, the brim of his checkeredhat hidden below the horizon, his bloodied
fingers reaching through the clouds.From their high perches, the finch
and lark see him, begin to soundthe alarm. Too late, for he’s flicked
his flashlight, the forests frozenin that fierce glare, garish, all the
goods there for the taking.
Fossil: Cryptic
With apologies to Michael Crichtonby Brant Goble
The Eaters of the Dead were here
mashin
noshing
slurping/
choking
/\
d
o
w
n
\/
the last of their frustrations
waiting for a canned release that never comes
(wanting only carrion, to carry on
[lest their routine changes])
The Eaters and the Dead were here
(before them)
fat/
neurotic
(smelling fear [sharp]
wealth [moldy]
opportunity [sweet])
and frantic with anticipation(This is how you rule the world)
/thin
dull
(glassy eyed [drugged]
resigned [to lives confined]
overawed [by the slightest glimpse of daylight])
lost to life
and captive, violent (like stunning bolts)(This is how you die its victim)
The Dead within the Eaters (and the Eaters of the Dead)
came (to[o])
(though they were barely ever sleeping)
mumbling (gibberish)
ambling (awkwardly and still awakening)
looking in the mirror (in horror at their new skins)
screaming—begging for the hunt and chase
wondering where their axes went (and atlatls, as well)(Who knew that skeletons and animals could hide
in these small spaces—
the [in between] tentacles
that tangle thoughts together—
only to appear at such inconvenient times?)The hearts within the Eaters and the Dead
(and the Eaters of the Dead)
still pump
(I think)
something warm and viscous
(and probably heavily advertised)
(Its formulation broken-up and scattered
in secret places)So many craving something carnal
but what of it?
Cruel amusements are cheap enough
and the impotents' best distractionFrom where does all this viciousness come?
Is this a universe of new monsters
(demanding paper lords to prolong
death with taxes)
and men and beasts in need of cages
(murderous over dried things)
(sooting up their innards by burning sugared tallow)?Can this be engineered away
(or replaced by further ignorance)—
fevered tossing on hard sheets
with dreams of blood and
scavenged rootsand the flight of arrows?
Black Friday on Long Island: A Comedy
by Brant Goble
Scene 1:
This is the music—
the green hum
(Cue lights, flickering on)
chorus of mumblings and broken speech
(Awaken the zombies with the hollow eyes)
rattling locks—shake and bang
(Roust a couple watchmen, armed with clipboards and halitosis—
God knows we can't afford any better)(Throw back the bolts)
Let a few in first
(the lithe ones, with slit-snake eyes
who can slide past the titans with their slack jaws)
but not fast enoughScene 2:
Show the frenzy and the flying fists
(Call all the extras—envision raging breadlines or Eisenstein's battles)Rumble floor, rumble
as the crowd breathes in—
(a giant thing, heavy and weighted with cold and sleep)—and out
All bodies, now pressing, pressing
(bones and clothes and marrow turned liquid)Man falls, tumbles, thrashed, and trampled
(commanding a scream to curdle milk or pierce a heart through
were any available)Warp the metal, break the frames, tear the hinges off
(The doors become accordion)All leap for the heavens as they burst through
towards a sea of shiny things and happy, happy noise machines
ecstatic, orgiastic, at the thought of ephemeral pleasures
and even more shit to become obsolescent
unmindful
of the carpet of meat that once had dreams (and hope)
and the babe-not-yet-in-arms
(as blind and blank as its vessel)
beneath their feetScene 3:
Send in stooges with polished badges—
rendered impotent and red-faced
(even they've been discounted here)—
unable to disburse the savage masses
but promising to watch the replay“There will be justice for this—we'll have every foot that tread through here”
(but be damned if we look any higher)(Lower curtain)
Today men will die over childish things
(men who live amongst angels and sunshine)And boys will smile (with glassy eyes) while they empty
clips (for a few hours longer) into flesh
in the name of their God
in a city that can't keep the Bombers at bayThis comedy's too dark for my tastes
with the players all method, all feeling too much
to be self-conscious or ironic
and the aisles aren't laughingWho authored this farce
with its tired puns and low blows
this opera for beggars and billionaires
with greed and air and vitriol
between their ears?What is this thing?
This is the season of the Son of Man
and all the world's adorned with plastic crucifixes
by Michael Lee Johnson
Crippled with arthritis
and Alzheimer's,
in a dark rented room,
Charley plays
melancholic melodies
on a dust filled
harmonica he
found abandoned
on a playground of sand
years ago by a handful of children
playing on monkey bars.
He now goes to the bathroom on occasion,
relieving himself takes forever; he feeds the cat when
he doesn't forget where the food is stashed at.
He hears bedlam when he buys fish at the local market
and the skeleton bones of the fish show through.
He lies on his back riddled with pain,
pine cones fill his pillows and mattress;
praying to Jesus and rubbing his rosary beads
Charley blows tunes out his
celestial instrument
notes float through the open window
touch the nose of summer clouds.
Charley overtakes himself with grief
and is ecstatically alone.
Charley plays a solo tune.
Because we are human and want to be loved
by Rebecca Katechis
Because we are human and want to be loved
Because we are
and to be human is to give love
Because we love and become
human in it
Because without love we are inhumanBecause as we walk
your crooked highway
as we join hands and part and
go on alone
as the arm drapes across our shoulder
and pulls us close
as the hand helps us up or
glides us down
as love makes us one or
one alone
as heat and light and
far down into
life
as mind and body struggle
for knowing and against knowing
as we crawl as we walk as we run as we fly as we
claw to the end
glorious or inglorious
because we are human we want to be loved
by Karen Kelsay
She was my counter-charm against his intriguing
disbelief. The one who twinkled green and gold
on holidays and shared her mother¢s religion
beneath a rose-hued lamp. He kept his mouth shut
while she dangled tinsel from his fingers--speaking
for eternity of angels and resurrections.
Between Easter programs and Christmas songs,
only his is saintly tolerance kept them in harmony
while she wept for his soul.
Beneath a Ficus Tree
by Karen Kelsay
Old man, I see you shuffle
from one ficus tree to the next,
shadow-hopping the relentless sidewalk.
Afternoon beats on your trash-filled cart
as you scavenge cans in the gutter. Sparrows
scatter above your ragged image.
A teenager struts behind you, baggy pants
obscenely low, blowing past your decrepit soul,
with eyes straight ahead—I watch him spin
around and hand you his soda.
Avoiding Nettles
by Karen Kelsay
A perfect daughter eats from her plate
in a proper manner and doesn't
stuff broccoli under expensive cushions.
A perfect daughter never steals change
off her father's nightstand to buy candy
from the ice cream truck.
A perfect daughter would never volunteer
to work at the local library, then help herself
to the vouchers they awarded children,
for reading the most hours.
She would never think of smuggling
a boyfriend into the shower when her parents
were at church, or sneak to party
on rooftops with the homeless,
hide delinquent friends in the family camper,
or rip off the department store she works for.
A perfect daughter thoughtfully places
all her antics in a padlocked trunk,
in the garage, behind a mountain of car parts—
which her mother avoids like nettles.
by Joseph Lewis
Skeletons are easy props against a gray sky.
The pines still sprout green in the cold.
That's why we call them evergreens.
Oak and maple will have to wait until spring
when the rain replenishes our side of the world.
Now is the time when everything sleeps.
Meanwhile I wait for the flowers to return—
Daffodils growing on a hill near the highway
is a sure sign the cycle continues.
I can leave a cold room and walk in the sun,
young again as everything grows around me,
green like the pines standing in the snow.
Walking on Air
by Joseph Lewis
Outside in the air
is more pleasant than inside reading books.
Trees in full green foliage.
Purple flowers in an unkempt garden.
A bird walking in the grass.
A blonde woman is sitting in the sun
by an old church with a sketch pad.
But she's not drawing the building
and its graveyard from colonial times.
She's drawing some trees across the road.
I feel warm air on my skin today
as I pass unfamiliar faces,
all on their way to their peculiar destinies.
We're all light as air and fragile as the grass
sprouting from the ground for another season.
by Lyn Lifshin
tonight the grass is
full of fire flies, a
rhinestone quilt of
glitter, blinking
thru darkness just
like that summer
with the ex-con poet
in the leaves.
Behind my house,
sand rippled, like at
the shore or a
desert. Nights were
thick and hot. He
couldn’t stay. I knew
it tho I opened my
body, every part of me
to him mornings we
made eggs Benedict
and he read me Sylvia
Plath. Already the
days were getting
shorter. Summer does
not linger in upstate
New York. But the
glitter camouflaged
what we didn’t want
to see. The fireflies
were doing a mating
dance, a mating to death
somebody once said,
irresistible and wild as
a tarantella, dazzling
as ex con poets
hitching across the
U.S. because a poem
or photo lured him
The New Dancer, Hair Like Mine
by Lyn Lifshin
before it was blond, when it
was curls that Groucho Marx
beckoned from the stage in
Saratoga. 20 years old. The
clothes I wore last night
in a class with her mirror a
former me when I was not
so undone by not being her
Ballroom
by Lyn Lifshin
I want to be
air and flame
my arms wings,
my feet beating
the ground
for take off
I want the
grind, the
shimmer of his
pelvis, my
skirt flaming,
want him to
hold me in a
frame nothing
wild escapes from
On a Road of Broken Asphalt Winding up to Orvieto
by Duane Locke
What was initially, temporarily
Perceived
To be floating on top
The mirror-silver surface
Was
Soiled white ashes,
But upon
Circumspection
The debris turned out to be
Maple-leaf shapes of fragmented architecture.Frescoed on a singular floating scrap was An arrow head, raw-hewed made by a Roman slave.On another floating scrap The arrow shaft, Its round white wood smeared With fingerprints. Tranced by faith a woman had attempted To pull painted wood from painted flesh.Another excerpt from the fragments of the fresco Was The pearl-toned flesh of St. Sebastain's chest.On the pond water floated other peelings Of frescoed plaster: A lock of curled hair, a toenail without a toe, One blue eye, These clips blown from the bull-dozer wrecked Hillside church.Also reflected on the evening-sun silvered water, Six young girls, All dressed in white, Who stuck out their tongues, Each pierced with a gold globe, At a large green frog Who was grunting a love call From a lily pad.
Fallen Lighthouse
by Duane Locke
The start of my art:A shadow-less shadow dark, moist, Inapprehensible Microscopic throbbed— Life oozed, Gulf-wave salt Broken sea weed touched, Tossed-away wedding Rings clogged, Bits of the scraps of tore-up manuscripts Specked, Ivory-slanted back of sea beetle whitened, Sufi Surfed coquina-swirled gulf shore sand,Damp sand Pressed by Gull's red feet, runic writing pressed into faint, Dark purple, A Laughing Gull, dark-hooded, Jagged head feathers uplifted by strong pre-storm, clenched fisted Wind.Nearer, surrounding, the limp, wind-bent, pale beige empty egg Cases wriggling, silent bleached shells--limpets, whelks, Scallop, clams, Chinese cones, andThe barnacled fragments of a fallen lighthouse.The large, thick, circular mirror with a hole for a center Now cracked into scattered pieces that in the pre-storm Alchemy of sunlight Sent up thin, slim, twisting trunks With bizarre leaves shaped like spider lilies as if a forestof dim light.My art now inside the neural corporeal cellars Of my body will age and change like wine.
Lightning
by Duane Locke
The pre-
storm, black-smeared-through-cerulean
Sky
Prepared
The décor, a silver-gray with dark folds
Curtain
To be a background
For a stage of ebony waves
On which
To present
In foreground, a flash of lightning.The gazers upwards Watched, suffused With the agitated Ex- Citement of anticipation, Waited For a angular z-shaped flash Of a light That bleached from space its shape.The anticipated occurrence had been Fabricated From graphic descriptions and visual Presentations From now forgotten Text books. Some Ph. D. was hired To provide education With a learned disquisition copied From a prior who had never seen Lightning.Such a scene of lightning had been never existential In their lives, So its anticipation was purely And immaculately conceptual.The two, tingling, waited For the lightning. Never before Have the two been so aroused By anticipation.The lightning never happened. Exhausted from rapturous anticipation Of what was never known, Lightning,The couple dozed. When When awake she spoke, "This is The way our life has always Been."He replied, This is the way everyone's life Has always been."
Cozze at Christmas Eve at a Social Event
by Duane Locke
After the fourth whiskey,
He stuck a fork into
The edible part of a mussel shell;
After the removal of the slowly cooked,
Buttered, white-peppered, spiced mollusk,
He gazed, intensely involved,
At the black pearl glow,
The black rainbow hues
On the interior of the curved shell.
He became transformed into a trance,
Overcame himself as an entity,
Perceptionally dissolved into a process,
Lived for a temporal sequence
As the textures on the interior
Of a curved shell.
He felt ashamed
He had allowed himself
To enter into this rapturous,
Eudemonic state of being,
For his behavior was not
The proper social performance
That a person should present
When in the company of others.
After a long silence spoke:
"Existence comes after the utterance.
Essence is a fiction,
A species of a verbal aura
That is imprecisely conceived
And derived from a mistake
In philosophical thinking
That invented the non-existent
Called a substance.
There are no accidents,
No substances, only utterances.
You see, what we call actuality
Is always elusive and only
Barely perceived and what
Is reality is invented by and
Established by what is not
Experience, the utterance."
He paused, ordered his fifth whiskey,
And resumed:
"I see you are not interested
In philosophy. What do you think
Of lécriture féminine. What
Is your opinion of Luce Irigaray
And Hélène Cixous. I love this line
From Irigaray's Marine Lover:
'Since no one was answering 'me,'
I felt free of all obligation to anyone,
And found myself alone
In a strange country.' Oh, you
Are not interested."
He finished his fifth whiskey,
The small empty glasses were
Crowding the small space.
He started to speak again,
But he then realized there
Was no one speak to.
The other side of the table
Was empty. She had come
As she had promised.
He looked at the whiskey
He had ordered for her,
Picked it up and drunk it.
What is Here
What is not Hereby Duane Locke
1.
I, a finite, temporal being (my surmise),
Knowing (If knowledge is possible)
That words such as "eternal" and "infinite"
Only have meaning
When used metaphorically
To suggest a quality,
But are meaningless when used
Literally to express
An actually existing entity,
Such as
A form separate from matter,
For there is neither form or matter,
But a form-matter
Or a matter-form.
Actually, I posit (My Augustinean I,
Not the false Roland Barthes I) that
"eternal" and "infinity" are empty
Concepts.
Have no corresponding, external,
Experiential, empirical entities
As referents. "Finite" and "Temporal"
Are meaningful words, "eternal"
And "temporal" are meaningless words,
Except when used as a rhetorical
Device such as metaphor.
I feel, I sense, I think, I
Believe the reality of life
Is the result of
A tangible, super-attentive,
Super emotive, intense
Involvement with the near by,
The here,
Not with what is not here,
But the here.
The temporal and finite are
Here,
The eternal and infinite are
Not here.
2.
When what is miscalled a "homo sapien"
Is born,
He or she is not born qualitatively alive,
But born among slave mentalities
As one of the living dead.
To be really born alive, he or she must find,
Discover, become intensely involved
With the
Elusive here,
Not the here as a fact (a fact usually in
Human perception is a fiction), but
As interpretation
That is derived from empathy,
An intense, emotive involvement
That transforms
The existential spatiality of distance
To nearness.
The here becomes a reality when humanly
Intensely experienced,
Not mathematically or scientifically experienced.
The here is not known through conceptual cognition,
Its abstract schemes and equivalents
That are not accessible to everyday
And unaided human contact and perception.
The here becomes real through
An intense, emotive involvement
With the availableness of aroundness,
When felt as an existential process,
A configuration of occurrentness.
3.
Out of the demiurges of fir trees, flaked
With sparse snow, spattered
With scraps from scissored black silk
Pillows orientalized with gold cherries
Shadowed by gold twigs, gold leaves, or
Out from fire flames, cognac-colored, jailed
In soot-flaked rusty-red irregular stones,
Crawled
Ginza from the Gnostic gospels,
Her frozen fingertips heated the unshaven flesh
Above the upper lip
Of Ludwig Wittgenstein, quasi-dozing
And quasi-dreaming of
The lip pink, bruise-blue flesh of the embryo
Of a word.
Ludwig Wittgenstein, alone in Norway,
Had been reading a twelfth-century
Bulgarian manuscript translated from Latin.
Its polychromatic, pyrotechnic language
Had placed on the warm air a tableau:
An invisible father, a silver apparition
Blurring the raw-wood blond chairs,
His son, Jesus Christ, both observed
From an obscure corner
By a shining white Satan
Whose eyes were the colors
Of red, red roses.
"Yes, yes, yes, we must, must not speak,
Wittgenstein shouted to himself. "Yes
Or no--no--yes, we must remain, remain
Silent.
"We must remain shut-mouthed.
We must with the needle of our minds
Stitch closed our lips that desire to speak
The wild, irrational, mystic words
That are being manufactured
In our inwardness.
"Wild words that are giving birth
To crystal pigs, Chinese slant-eyed grasshoppers,
A Viennese Salomé joyously tossing off
Her last veil to land in front of
A turquoise-turbaned bare-handed drummer,
"A backyard, barbequed-grill wedding
Of Elohim and a pregnant Edem,
NeoPythagorean numbers changing
Their names, their address,
"And a Poimandes,
"Hiding in Plato's cave from
Hermes Trismegistos and Moses,
After he had become apostate.
When falling from his black-spotted
White horse, he arose covered
With sand grains and reversed,
Transvalued his previous beliefs.
He now espoused the body is mystic light
And truth, and the nous
Is dark, deceptive, mortal
And the maker of illusions.
"We must not speak
Of what we cannot speak,"
Ludwig Wittgenstein repeated
In his soliloquy.
He shouted the statement
Over and over
To pops of red
That were heard
From the fireplace.
He looked at an ash
Whose red fringe
Was turning to gray,
"What we cannot speak about
We must
Pass over in silence."
He then spoke to a log fissure
That had in its crack
A small green growth,
"Language sets everyone
The same trap,
It is
An immense network
Of easily
Accessible wrong turnings."
The heavy snow had made
The widows white and opaque.
4.
With a bizarre clairvoyance,
Ludwig Wittgenstein
Saw himself
In the future
As being the darling of
The anti-metaphysical
Logical positivists
And the
Language poets.
But he could not control
His thoughts,
The unwanted enter.
He heard "Amens" shouted
At the round dance around the cross,
Heard Valentinius discuss
Cosmology and the curious Pleroma,
Peter Abelard read from
His "Sic et Non."
Sophia appeared in front of the fire flames.
She wore a blonde wig,
Midriffed sackcloth,
And asserted,
"I am the speech that cannot be grasped."
Ludwig Wittgestein thought, "Should I
Become a priest
And kiss photographs."
5.
I speak to the unpresent Wittgenstein,
As it is my custom to speak to the unpresent:
We must learn to speak in another way
Than how we have spoken in the past,
Or how we speak in the present.
We must unlearn what we have learned,
The present language of lies
That the people, priests, and professors speak.
We must unlearn what society
And its slave mentalities have
Forced us to belief.
We must reinterpret all interpretations,
For there are no facts, only interpretations.
(Thank you, Nietzsche for the phrase).
We have been interpreting reality
According to what is not here. Let us,
Start interpreting from what is here.
Howling Allen, I have seen the worst minds
Of my generation
Advanced upwards
To become the most powerful influence.
by Carla Martin-Wood
Now the long, slow tango
’twixt dark and light
as another year exhausts itself
and falls away to longest night
now the winds
loosed from their four towers
conspire to bury in snow
all things worth losing
old griefs
empty chairs
joyless mornings
loose ends
tattered faith
we let them die
let them lie
beneath the icy crust
when April brings the melt
we’ll hardly recognize them
anymore
for this
we trade gold and azure skies
for winter’s grey and glower
for this
we bear the numbing freeze
for this
we share the weight
of burdened branches
that snap and creak
wet black bark sharp
against the dazzle
now counting stars we watch
faces pressed to the window
where dancing flames reflect
and burn away the old
to forge the new.
The Last Magick
by Carla Martin-Wood
You were the last magick
gone
with all out-of-season things
last rose in winter
final swallowtail stilled by frost
last hummer at an ice-coated pane
one
with things that go too quickly
cotton candy on the tongue
momentary thrill
of taking a hill too fast
that brief
falling sensation
that makes you gasp
meaningless
like other things I put too much stock in
last song I’m thinking of
suddenly playing on the radio
last person I dreamed about
suddenly ringing me up
gone
with all my brittle omens
last lucky star
found penny
cricket on the hearth
last clover
wishbone
bluebird feather
rabbit foot
one
with harbingers of grief
blue-eyed candle flame
bird trapped indoors
shattered photograph
stopped clock
chill up my spine
crow’s caw
hat on the bed.
Sam
by Carla Martin-Wood
Always a grin
eyes cornflower bright
he ransacks garbage
behind the fast food place
harvests half a burger
morsel of fried pie
slower than he used to be
hopes they don’t catch him
but easily distracted
spies a jonquil
cocks it behind one ear
winks at the rising sun
a mockingbird sings
the thousand faces of God.
by Scott Owens
They’re all here, looking for a way
to enjoy life today and long term,
to make meaning without the weight
of philosophy or true religion.
These they take in pre-packaged parcels
whole on Sunday or years ago in classes
they barely remember, knowing it’s all
inadequate. And that’s why they drink
Hefe-Weisse and Pilsner, Glenfiddich
and bourbon, and talk, serious talk
between men who can only understand
each other, who look deep in each other’s
eyes and talk about the ways they make
at least some temporary significance,
money and wives, golf and presidents,
children and cars and other forms
of business. They talk and sit in judgment
of all they see or hear, sit in justification
of all they are or know to be.
Rebound
by Scott Owens
Flying west to Colorado,
patchwork fields give way
to a cortex of hills and behind
the dam’s convergence, water
spreads out where no water
should be, turning the clear
direction of streams to this
muddled mess of coves
fanning out, covering roads
that run right to the edge
and even under the edge
of water the way memory
slides beneath a blanket of obscurity.
The Difference
by Scott Owens
The only reliable difference, they say,
between poetry and prose is that poetry turns
before one reaches the end of the page,
creating a sense of emphasis, play,
meaning by the very act of ending
the line before its natural time.At the reading I heard the sound of a rocker
creaking on a front porch beneath
the weight of one who never sleeps,
a picture in a yearbook of someone who died
too soon, the image of boys
gathering goat’s blood in tin cans,
the smell of oil paint still wet
on the thigh of a girl you loved enough
to want to touch forever,
was reminded of woods filling up with snow,
purple taste of plums, a tattered
coat, looking up in perfect silence,
the innocent behind scratching on a tree.These things resist fading,
refuse to leave well enough alone,
hanging out in images at ends of lines.
The poet never turns but lingers.
by Sally Arango Renata
The name lies on the page, flat,
like paint on a road sign.
Modigliani.
Did he turn his head?
Did the name blossom like sugar
or venom on the tip of his tongue?
Were his eyes open?
Was it said in recognition?
Did he see his friend wearing
that familiar hat, dancing
on a Paris street
or did the name leak like rancid nectar
from fruit left in the dust
of his orchard floor?
Was the name whispered in sorrow,
as prayer, a mea culpa, in righteous
confession, or did the Spanish giant
finally exhale the name
of an artist greater than himself?
by Thomas D. Reynolds
She was the last known
inhabitant of the old cabin,
that which still held echoes
of my father's first cry,
heard on October days
when the door on one hinge
slapped against the frame
as if still from some duty
to protect what was inside,
to keep memories of all
those years from wandering
like children into the gloom.
by Ron Scott
Some kind of black gull flying round and round—
"No Time! Gotta Go!"
4 or 5 on the water looking up like
"What's he doin?.". Flomp chomp
of running shoes on packed dirt
and cwish-koo of fast tires.
Illuminated leaves—yellow, red, green
bespeckled behind by lake.
"We weren't really dating; I was just seeing him."
The cool grey-blue is-it-gonna-freeze sky.
"I know!" Canoes. One tall fast
superhero runner in black. Gulls gone,
the still water.
A happy puppy. Two slow walkers
crossing paths.
"hhhUgh!"
Later, a naked black tree
with 6 or 7 red leaves swaying.
They Shoot Horses, Don't They?
by Iolanda Scripca
To tame a horse in freezing winter
One plays a childish "hide and seek"
Caress its mane with future spring
and kiss the hazel moist with love
Distract its pain with sandy gallops
Along the turquoise dreams of freedom
And while you heal the reddish wound
Recount the legend of the horse with wings.
There won't be saddles only clouds
That sometimes shed rainbows of tears
As darkness falls on killing fields
My soul is neighing as echoes cry...
Waiting
by Iolanda Scripca
Gifts of spring I bring
Monarch butterflies come back
Silent empty nest
Your Gift to Me
by Iolanda Scripca
Exhaling petals in the time of need
I keep replaying the blossoming of gardenias
by pushing buttons on my remote control
with painful fingers—reminders of lost wings.
The mini blinds are broken so I peek
Over the sterile walls mutilated by wrong turns
I hear you calling me on a disconnected phone
I'm fine!...and you?—followed by a timid silence.
Accidental spring brought us back together
In a building where daffodils smell of chloroform
And angels lie flat on a recently emptied bed
As I watch windows cry in endless raindrop dances.
It's so much life outside I feel I suffocate.
I see returning swallows through your candid eyes
As panicky sirens make your heart pound in my chest...
This accidental spring we'll finally be... forever.
Reading the Letter
after Picasso's painting, 1921by Joseph R. Trombatore
I
His left hand covers his brother's shoulder
like a saddle
the colors are blurred, the shading
grotesque
His right hand is softer
the way blind children
play with moths
Coats are anchored, a camouflage of browns
the script is in sepia
thick as autumn leaves
Their eyes are mesmerized
like ears to a symphony
Any movement at this point
& the air would fill
with wings
II
Bereft of reason
we practice the art of circumvention
thru angles of sparkling night-caps
Thick, dark eyes
unravel appliqued fruit from antique quilts
check for signs of fraying
along an evening's edge
Twirl ice cubes with our fingers
pick at postcards from places
we'd like to be
Move about in rooms that refuse
to grow windows
frustrated as an audience
too tired for applause
Vase of Irises
after Henri Matisse's painting, 1912by Joseph R. Trombatore
You cut them in their prime
green dripping down your arms
like blood
the colors of screams run
like a Turkey Red quilt
in hot water
vibrant, luxuriant
they compliment the scene
expand
mirrors, fill in the blanks
balance the equation
quiver
The Window
after Henri Matisse's painting, 1916by Joseph R. Trombatore
I find the mask of walls almost too conventional
Cracks in sidewalks & the faint
whispers of pedestrians
Coffee & computer
cigarette after sex, well wouldn't you?
Lines & borders from blue to brown
a slight suggestion of gray
Pink of children
bark of dog withheld
The green of trees
always on the other side of where I am
zig zag
zig zag
zig zag
carpet burn
&
a bowl of violets
just waiting
Violin & Pitcher
after Braque's painting, 1910
by Joseph R. Trombatore
Adagio in Brown & Gray
rests on a podium, center stage
the most talented wrist to ever live
approaches
The audience has been seated
for sometime now
pre-soaked in top hats & feathers
Photogravures of all the key players
have been reproduced
in black & white
programs
in honor of the concert grand
who will not be performing tonight
This will be an evening of string
& honeysuckle
The largest single rose
of any urine drenched porch step
No single sided rendition
from a Victrola's horn
Here violin & pitcher
will battle to see
who can hold a note the longest
Bows & arrows
everywhere
Lake Annecy
after Cezanne's painting, 1896by Joseph R. Trombatore
The birds are hiding
all in blue
distant buildings
are hushed in green
the lake is an orchestra
of leaves breathing
hills drape the scene
like a shawl
right at the edge
small bubbles rise
this is how
we learn to swim
our eyes, our lungs
begin to fill
with bits of light
like stained glass
by Kelley Jean White
There was a gathering of siblings in meeting today,
a row of birth-right Quakers, eyebrows raised
in the same laughters, mouths bent by the same
memories, eyes varied in the same light. We are
all of us brought into life by acts of love; yes,
many of our parents did at least once love each other,
did touch one another and in that moment may
have even loved themselves; even the woman
used worst by the world may have moments of
wonder looking on the face of her child; each,
all of us, just these moments, brought in love:
let love bear us again; touch the light within.
Last
by Kelley Jean White
you’d risk the pain of family
for this funeral, this saintly
(you say,) woman, this aunt, last
of the generation of your fathers,
and you do, you drive all night,
all day, 600 miles, and find yourself
in a kitchen, (I remember a kitchen,)
with your sisters, the cousins spilled
onto the lawn (I remember a piano,
a table, an Easter dinner, something wrapped
in tinfoil,) you say I never met her,
I say I remember, but it doesn’t matter
(I remember, it was the first year we were
together,) you tried to compliment
your sisters, said they looked like
they’d lost weight, and they cried
(I say you should know never use
the word fat in any conversation
with to a woman,) why are you always
ending up with people crying (I hold
my tongue,) I say it was good
you traveled, (there must have
been something good about it,)
you say something about reaching
the end of a road, we’ll talk about it
tomorrow, not, now, not until tomorrow
(and I’m afraid of what you’ll say)
Lord, take
by Kelley Jean White
my anger
which I have swallowed so often and wished
to force down others’ throats—
would you accept it, leaven it, let it be
transformed into plump bread?
then make that bread stale, dry,
if that be your will,
crumble it,
and bring pigeons
to my feet
Lost Poem
by Kelley Jean White
did it begin with a wet magnolia blossom
or a cracked linoleum floor?
the incessant voice of the television
or the breath of a child asleep?
the siren, the stuck car horn
or a thrush on a city morning?
or you, the truck packed, the house empty
or the smoke from a candle snuffed out?
Purple and Gray
by Kelley Jean White
You said, that purple,
that deep purple, it's good on you,
purple and gray. . .
( I was lying beside you
on the picnic blanket
in the park)
. . .all the gray in your hair,
pretty, there,
in the sunlight,
with that deep purple. . .
Oh:
my bare feet rub each other,
little, young, smooth,
like yours, child,
kicking
at the edges
of your bed. . .

|
Sick
Dog Lauren Becker |
Safety
Issue John Bruce |
by Lauren Becker
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Tonight, my arms and legs rebel against a million and one. I’m awake and my extremities and my car and my thoughts urge me to keep going. To steer and accelerate and brake past his exit, six exits further, left off the exit, two miles straight, on the right, just past the Chevron station. To the other one.
I'm approaching the exit I should take. I want to get off. I want to keep driving. I feel it starting. The sudden bitter taste. The freeway looks twice its size. It’s happened before. I know I’ll lose consciousness in about two and a half minutes. I use one precious second. Damn.
I turn on the hazards, pull off the freeway into a residential area, stop the car, unbuckle my seat belt and lie on my side on the pillow in the passenger seat. When I come to, I estimate I was out for at least a minute. I am sweaty, exhausted, disoriented.
I sit up, drink some water. I’ve just swallowed my meds when I hear someone walking toward the driver's side of my car. A man appears. California Highway Patrol. He gestures for me to roll down my window.
“Ma’am. Are you all right?”
Keep calm. Take a sip of water. A story. Think of a story.
“Yes. I’m fine, sir. I’m just upset and needed to pull over.” Stalling. What am I upset about? I see a man walking his dog.
“Anything I can help you with, ma’am?”
“No. That’s very nice of you. It’s stupid. It’s just, my dog is sick and I had to leave him at the vet overnight. It was hard walking away.” I feel real tears. I don’t have a dog but I am worried and lonely for him.
“I’m sorry to hear that. I have two dogs, myself. I love ‘em like children.”
I start to cry a little, surprising us both. I miss a dog that doesn’t exist. I left him, sick and alone. I am overwhelmed by his absence.
“Ma’am, do you need some help getting home? I’m concerned about you driving like this.”
The dog is leaving me. My thinking is clearer. I need to go before he sees any evidence—the pills, the pillow, the Medic-Alert bracelet. He’ll call an ambulance and I won’t drive for another six months, and that’s only if I don’t have any more seizures. I won’t be able to get to work or buy groceries. I won’t be able to choose any exit at all.
“I’m fine, officer. Thanks so much. I just want to go home. I’m really fine.”
He looks at me closely. I drink from my water bottle, shifting my head so he can’t see if my eyes still show confusion.
“All right, then. You take care. And I hope your dog gets better soon.”
“Thanks, officer. Thanks so much.” He finally leaves.
I haven’t had time to assess the aftermath. I pull the rear view mirror toward me. Not too bad. I shake my hands through my messy hair so the curls fall back into their natural chaos. I pull out my compact and pat some powder on my damp forehead.
I’ve known the choice is gone. I look down at my jeans and watch the wetness moving purposefully from my crotch, to the insides of my thighs. I turn off the hazards and start the car. It doesn’t resist. I get back on the freeway, take the next exit, make a left, another left at the second street and stop in front of the second house on the right.
by
Saro Bedian
I drove there in good time, found one of several enormous parking lots to tuck away my vehicle in, and entered the mall in good spirits. I just felt a little bit strange, as I always do when confronted with flagrant commercialism. Advertising is one of the few things that really gets my blood boiling; when entering the mall I made a conscious decision to keep my head down and pretend I was somewhere else. This, however, did not work.
I entered through Sears, walked past the home appliances, and out into the weird world of mall browsers. Of course, I had no intention of buying anything, mainly because I was broke. But I made a quick stop immediately after leaving Sears at a Dunkin Donuts booth for an ice coffee. The young man serving the coffee gave me the impression that he did not really like me, maybe because I left him no tip. Like I said, I was broke.
So, walking away, wondering if the man’s dislike of me would somehow affect the taste of my beverage, I happened to notice another display. This one was full of carved stone objects, clearly made by a talented artist. I was immediately captivated by their work, as I usually am by art, and I took a moment to appreciate what was there. There were many pieces of carved stone, some with images of animals and plants, others with natural scenes or people. Very impressive work, and very expensive. As I walked to the end of the stone pieces, my gaze landed on one in particular. It was of a dog, and if I wasn’t mistaken, it was of a pug. This stood out to me, because the best friend that I mentioned before had recently picked up a pug from an adoption agency, and she was crazy about it.
Now, before I continue, I have to make clear the nature of my relationship with this friend. We started talking to one another a few years before, after having driven to Toronto together from Boston in order to visit family and friends. I met her through my cousin. They had lived together when they were teenagers and were very close friends. My cousin and her family came to visit us in Boston, and because Olivia lived in Boston she came to visit us as well. This is how we met.
Long story short, we started as friends and spoke to one another a lot on the phone, text messaging one another every day and finding time to hang out whenever we could. It was heaven for me, especially after she made it clear that she was interested in me for more than just friendship. Our relationship was very healthy and happy and it still is, though much of the romance has gone out of it. The whole point of this little side note is to indicate that there was romance between us and that this influenced my decision on this particular day.
Back to the story, Olivia was crazy about her new pug, and now I’m staring at this beautifully carved image of a pug in stone. Only one problem though, it would cost me one hundred and eighty five dollars to take it home with me. Or would it? I gazed around the scene, taking in the lack of attention on the booth that I was standing next to, and the complete lack of security within my range of vision. I took this all in for an instant, and my mind immediately jumped to the next thought. It was an impulsive jump, and thankfully I don’t act on my impulses without giving them some thought, because if I had, I would most likely have spent the rest of that day in a jail cell. Just grab it and go. I thought. And I believed I could do it. There was no one tending the booth and hardly anyone in my vicinity at all. Also, I had just walked in from Sears, the entrance to which was only fifty feet away. But my superego kicked in and reminded me that stealing is wrong, let alone stealing from an artist. These people make their living off of this, I thought. It’s not like I would be stealing from a corporation.
So I turned and left, and tried to let the matter drop. But as I walked aimlessly around the mall, my mind kept turning the situation over and over again. I could steal it. I could get away with it. Olivia would be very pleased. And so on and so forth. I became obsessed with this carved pug that would make my best friend so happy to have. Finally, I convinced myself that on my way back out, if the coast was clear, I would pick it up and nonchalantly walk out of the mall with it. I rationalized this decision by telling myself that maybe the mall had purchased all the pieces of art from their maker and was now selling them at jacked up prices. After all, one hundred and eighty five dollars is a lot of money for a relatively small, carved up piece of rock. So I told myself as I prepared for the act of theft.
Finally making my way back to the booth with all the carved items, I casually picked up the stone pug, and pretended to walk around the booth, examining the other pieces there. I was just going to turn and walk through Sears, out of the mall, and into my car, when I heard somebody say, “Security, Security!” My heart leaped into my throat for a moment, though I immediately recognized the tone in the person’s voice as being ludicrous. However, the sudden response to my thought of walking away with the goods had unnerved me, and I made an effort not to show it in my demeanor.
The man walking towards me was about my height, middle aged, and wearing a shirt that screamed artist. I really should have seen him to begin with, but my mind was more concerned with security, and no one was occupying the chair at the booth. So I smiled and complemented the man on his work, telling him my story: that my best friend had recently bought a pug, and I wanted to buy his work for her. He seemed convinced of my innocence, though deep down I felt like he was looking right through me. At this point I felt compelled to buy his work, because if I didn’t I would simply look like a complete jackass. I talked him down to selling me the item at one hundred and fifty dollars, and proceeded to give him my credit card. After swiping my card in his machine he returned it, saying that the card was not approved. I was secretly relieved, because I really had not wanted to buy the carved stone anyway; I was just going to do it so that I would not look even shadier.
I muttered an apology, and in return he said six words that seemed to bore into my head, dripping with intent. “No, I feel sorry for you.” Trying not to have a nervous breakdown on the spot, I smiled again and left the mall. At this point, internally I was a mess, but I managed to drive home safely and even get my mind off of what had happened with a cigarette.
I walked to my bedroom and sat down for a moment, trying to ease the tension that I felt. Did he know the whole time? I thought to myself. Was he playing with me, or was I just being paranoid? I was obsessed with that small interaction, and finally, annoyed with myself for having been such an idiot, I decided to check how much money I had on my card, just to get my mind off of things. I should have had close to three hundred dollars left, so I was curious as to why my card had not been accepted.
I called the number on the back of the card, pressed the appropriate buttons to get through to the machine that I wanted to check my balance, and waited for the results. The machine spit back at me that I had one hundred and thirteen dollars and twenty- seven cents left in my account. I put down the phone, confused. Sitting silently, I wondered when I might have spent the money. As I tried to remember where I had been recently and where the money may have gone, another part of my mind suddenly put two and two together.
He knew. Not only did the artist know what I was up to, he charged me the full price for the item and watched me walk out of the mall with empty hands! At first I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, but the feeling was followed by a sobering thought. I guess I got what I deserved…
by Eric Bennett
I pour him a cup of coffee and we talk at my kitchen table. Apparently, the sheer volume of prayers has reached the point
he needs to prioritize. So, he jots down a few notes on a napkin:
answer first the prayers of the devout then the wicked. Next, answer the
prayers of the middle aged—the elderly and the young are, frankly,
unrealistic. God says, “I think this will help.” I, on the other hand, am not so sure. The problem with
prioritizing is that it never really ends. Once you start, there’s an
ever increasing need to organize, to categorize. But God’s not in a
state to hear my reservations. I offer a weak smile. “I think I’ll concentrate on listening to the prayers of
people when they bathe, I see them better naked; people are truer when they’re
vulnerable.” Now I’m uncomfortable. I recall curling into a fetal
position on the floor of my shower last week. I catch God’s eyes and
something like understanding passes between us but thankfully, nothing is
verbalized. God covers his face with his hands, “It was all so much
easier in the beginning. It was good, then.” The wind rattles the kitchen window, startling God. “I suppose I need to get back to work. Thanks for the
coffee.” “You’re welcome.” The air trembles and God disappears. I stop praying for the next few days, a few less prayers for
God to worry about. I’m hoping this wins me brownie points. Watching news over the next few weeks, I notice the lead
stories becoming silly—panda births, everyday hero stories, giraffes birthing
giraffes, octogenarians swimming the English Channel, hippos being born, and so
on. There’s a noticeable lack of serious news; God’s plan must be
working. Weeks pass one by one like box cars on a slow moving
train. Eventually, God intervenes in my situation, but, his Pinocchio
fingers slip and my grandmother dies. To explain himself, he shows up at
my kitchen table. This time, he makes the coffee. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for Vera to pass.” A cold wind rattles the kitchen window startling me. My
shoulders shudder. “I was intending euphoria, I suppose I overshot.” God is speaking in whispered tones but all I hear is distant
thunder. “What you experience as death, I see as birth. And
what you experience as birth, I see as a kind of death.” Finally, words make their way to my mouth, “Don’t break
my heart with your explanations.” “I’ll just go, then.” “Fine.” The air trembles and God disappears. Weeks pass slowly like watching water boil. Presently, I’m sitting before a cedar desk, before a white
coat with dangling stethoscope, before an x-ray with a darkening spot, before a
knowledgeable mouth awkwardly announcing, “You have cancer.” “How bad is it—how long do I have to live?” “Three, maybe four months.” I need to get back to my kitchen table. For three inconsolable days I wait for God, wandering through
the rooms of my apartment wondering in which one I’ll die. Drop dead on
my bed, drop dead on the linoleum, drop dead on the hardwood—startling the
infinite places a finite space has on which a body can drop dead. Sleet flicks my kitchen window. My coffee pot percolates. God does not show. Thirteen steps to the bathroom from my kitchen table, I
shuffle them slow. Turning the water on, I undress. Stepping into
the shower I kneel, head bowing heavy. I sense God’s reluctant presence on the opposite side of
the shower curtain. Naked, I pray wordless prays.
was speaking with God this morning when he started weeping. The pressure
of answering everyone’s prayers is more than he can handle. Who can
blame him?
by Lisa Braxton
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Sofia didn’t have much time if she wanted to try out the technique. With only one more session left, she knew she’d have to force herself to put The SET Plan to work if she wanted to report back her progress to the support group.
As the front lawn grew more crowded, she surveyed her neighbors looking for a friendly face. Instead she saw scowls, furrowed brows, stiffly folded arms and weight shifting from one foot to the other. She overheard grumblings about the “lame ass” fire alarm system that had forced everyone outside, interrupting dinners, homework assignments, and the final round of Dancing with the Stars. She began to think that this wasn’t the right place to try The SET plan.
Then she noticed a man standing alone on the edge of the property. His graying, feathered hair reminded her of the 80s. Sofia figured he must have borrowed the dingy windbreaker he was wearing from a neighbor as he rushed out of the building because it was at least a size too small, and stretched over his lumpy midsection. He had a bored, vacant look about him as he took a long drag on a cigarette that was down to the filter. Poor guy was probably a chain smoker, she thought.
Sofia decided to try The SET Plan on him. Using the coaching she had gotten from the facilitator, she closed her eyes, took a long breath and centered herself. She thought back to the facilitator’s reassuring words: Smile and you will seem relaxed. Hold eye contact and you will appear sure of yourself. Touch with a firm handshake or even a pat on the arm. Sofia opened her eyes, worked up a broad smile and took slow steps in the man’s direction. As she inched across the lawn her legs felt like cooked spaghetti that would give out from under her at any moment. But she forced herself to keep moving. Once she came up beside the man, she held out her hand and introduced herself. She relaxed at the sound of her strong voice. It didn’t quaver at all like it usually did. She was pleased with the firmness of her handshake.
“I just wondered if you were as annoyed as everyone else, having to leave the building because of that alarm,” Sofia said, smile still in place. “I think this is the third time this month it’s gone off.”
The man gently held onto her hand and stared at her for a long moment. The crevices around his eyes grew sharper as his eyes narrowed.
“Sofia Lee, don’t you remember me?” he said. “I’m Josh. Josh Taylor. We were in the same class at Rindge and Latin. I haven’t seen you in years.”
Sofia scanned her memory, felt a vague familiarness, but couldn’t place him.
“We were in homeroom together,” he continued. “We used to sit next to each other,” he said. As he spoke Sofia caught a whiff of stale liquor. Josh flicked what was left of his cigarette into the grass and snuffed it out with the tip of his construction boot. He let go of her hand and lit another one.
“Uh, I’m sorry,” Sofia stumbled over the words. “I’m not sure—”
“I’m not surprised you don’t remember,” he said, his voice getting louder. “You were so quiet back then, you hardly talked to anybody. I never saw anybody as quiet as you.”
Sofia felt a lump building in her throat.
“Well,” she said softly. “I guess I was pretty shy—”
“And you were a tiny thing back then,” he was becoming more animated. “You’re pretty big now. Wow! You put on a lot of weight,” he said, raising his arms parallel like they were propellers. “But that’s okay. What happened? You pop out a couple of kids?”
Sofia began to regret trying out the exercise. She looked around furtively to see if any of her neighbors had heard what he’d said. To her relief, no one seemed to be paying attention. She felt the blood drain from her face. Sweat dripped from her armpits down her sides. She could feel moisture in her crotch.
“Oh, did I hurt your feelings?” Josh asked finally, softening his tone. “I didn’t mean to. You don’t look so bad.”
Sofia peered up at him and got a better look with the help of a streetlight. Then she began to remember: feathered, greasy blond hair, clunky construction boots, tattoos and tight-fitting, faded Jethro Tull T-shirts, welts and scratches on the face, trips to detention under strong-armed school security escort.
“No, I don’t live here, so I don’t know anything about an alarm,” Josh said, responding to her earlier remark. “I’m over there,” he said, turning toward the two-story brick building kitty-corner across the street. “They won’t let me smoke over there, so I sneak out. They don’t notice. I do it all the time.”
Sofia looked past him at the building he had gestured toward. It was “Bright Horizons,” an alcohol and drug treatment center. Sofia had remembered flyers posted in her building some time ago asking residents to attend a zoning board of appeals meeting to protest plans for the facility to move into the neighborhood.
“The only reason I’m over there is because of my kid,” Josh continued, his eyes darting from left to right. “The judge says I can’t see him until I go through the program. It’s all because of my ex-wife. She’s crazy. She told the judge a bunch of lies at the custody hearing.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Sofia responded.
“It’s okay, though,” he continued. “When I get out of there, I’m getting a job, I’ll find a place to stay and then I can get my kid.”
It didn’t seem to Sofia that Josh’s life had gotten better since high school and maybe it was worse. The bags under the eyes, the lines carved in his plump face and his disheveled appearance belied his age. She thought of his child, longing to be with his father and the pain that Josh must feel over his broken marriage, broken family.
“How old is your son?” Sofia asked gently. “You must miss him a lot.”
As she waited for a response, she watched Josh’s demeanor change. His body stiffened and his chest rose and fell noticeably through his windbreaker. Sofia’s mouth grew dry as she realized that he wasn’t going to respond.
Then, the apartment manager walked to the center of the crowd and announced that the building was cleared for the residents to reenter.
“You uh, you t-take care of yourself,” Sofia said. She extended a shaky hand to him. But Josh ignored it and focused on his cigarette. He took a long drag and then flicked the butt into the grass. Without a word, he turned away from her in the direction of the treatment center. After he had shuffled halfway across the street, he glanced over his shoulder at Sofia. She could see that he was muttering angrily about something, but he was too far away for her to figure out what it was.
by John Bruce

Clearly, Bob felt, for the bosses to think well of him, they would have to see that the people who worked for him were always diligent and attentive to their duties, and naturally it followed from this that it should be apparent to anyone who filed past his people’s cubes that they were always sitting in the company-approved workstation posture, feet flat on the floor, wrists supported just below the keyboard, back straight in the chair, gaze fixed slightly downward at the computer screen.
Bob’s chief problem was with George Dill. “I’ve noticed,” Bob wrote him in an e-mail, “that when you’re concentrating on your work, you tend—unintentionally, I'm sure— to lean sideways in your chair. I’ve mentioned this to you several times. It’s important for our work unit, since we’re so close to Prakash’s office [Prakash was the CIO], that we display good work habits. I’m having an increasing problem with your posture. At this point, I’m going to have to take the position that your leaning so far to the side in your chair as you work is a safety issue, as it’s clear that leaning in your chair this way will lead to the chair falling over.”
George was no dummy. If you wanted to fire someone for any ordinary reason, human resources made you jump through all kinds of hoops to get that person fired, warnings, writeups, probation, signatures, the whole routine. But company policy was that if you refused to follow a supervisor’s order on a safety issue, it could be cause for immediate termination. Obviously, this referred to things like hard hats and locking down machinery, but it was clear that Bob was going to push it on the matter of George’s posture, and the result would be unpredictable.
As it happened, George had an acquaintance in the safety department, and he called him to ask about the possible problem with leaning in his chair. “It’s not a safety problem,” the guy told him. “Notice that your chair has a five-legged base under the swivel? That’s what we specify for office chairs. The five-legged base makes it impossible to tip the chair over by leaning in it.”
”Hmm,” said George. “Would you be willing to send me an e-mail saying that?”
”Of course.” The e-mail was polite and informative, but e-mails like that aren’t sent without getting the once-over from higher-ups. There was a definite tone that suggested anyone who might be thinking about freelancing on safety issues could run into political trouble at a high level—for instance, by implying that the safety department allowed the company to purchase hazardous office chairs. George forwarded the e-mail to Bob without comment, and he heard nothing more about leaning in his chair.
The irritating thing about Bob was that when he lost a round that way, he’d simply shift into big-buddy mode. He’d start palling around with you, both as a way to try to drain off any resentment you might still hold against him, and as a way of lulling you into dropping your guard and giving him an opening that would let him try to screw you again. So a few days later, Bob sat next to George in a meeting, chatting with him before it got started as if they were friends.
Every conference room in the headquarters building had a flower pot in one corner with the same species of cactus. The cactus branches were roughly square in cross-section, their surfaces somewhat crinkly, making them look for all the world like miniature green, spiky air conditioning ducts. Eons of random natural selection had culminated in fitting the plant for surviving as trendy corporate décor. Bob idly reached back to the cactus behind him and pulled out a spike. He brought it back to the table in front of him and George.
”Isn’t this peculiar?” he asked. The spike that he’d pulled out of the cactus had a sort of follicle clinging to it, and it was dripping a whitish liquid.
Bob passed it over to George, with the implication that George should take it and examine it for himself. He was holding the needle by its sharp end, which meant that George had to take it by the sloppy end with the whitish liquid oozing from it. George wasn’t exactly sure why he should examine it, or what conclusion he should draw from the examination, but he took the thing to go along. He looked at it briefly, then tossed it into the trash basket. There was a little bit of wetness on his thumb and forefinger, but he rubbed them together to get rid of it and gave the business no further thought.
A few minutes later, he rubbed his eye. Once, George had been cutting jalapeno peppers and learned a big lesson: always wash your hands thoroughly after you’ve been cutting jalapeno peppers. Otherwise, you might rub your eye and get a big surprise when your finger brings the pepper juice to your eye membrane. When he rubbed his eye this time, he realized immediately the mistake he’d made. But the goop from the cactus was worse than the juice from the jalapeno peppers. Much worse.
He excused himself and went to the men’s room, but there wasn’t much available that could help. Certainly he washed his hands, very thoroughly, but then all that was available to clean out his eye was a paper towel soaked with water, and that didn’t work. Maybe, he thought, I should just wait a little, and the tears will clear it out. No good. It just kept getting worse.
He went back to the conference room and beckoned Bob out of the meeting. “Somehow I got some juice from that cactus needle on my fingers, and then I rubbed my eye,” he said. “I’m in a great deal of pain.” It was clear enough that something was wrong: his eye was red and swollen. “I guess I need to take you to the company doctor,” said Bob.
The company doctor was actually a medical group several blocks away that had contracts with local companies. George had been there once before, to get his pre-employment physical, but that was just a fancy name for a pee-in-a-bottle drug test. In fact, pee-in-a-bottle drug tests were pretty much all they were set up to do. Not much happens in office buildings, unless you count the occasional mishap with a cactus needle.
Bob drove George over to the medical group. There was a doctor there when they came in the door. He didn’t look like he’d had much to do all day, except maybe sit around thinking how good he looked in a white coat with his name followed by “MD” embroidered on the pocket.
George explained the problem. The doctor didn’t seem to have any sort of plan to deal with it. He picked up the phone and dialed a number off a list, but after he said a few words, he got put on hold. So he sat down at his computer and pulled up Google. Anyone can pull up Google, George thought to himself.
And even with Google, he didn’t seem to be making much progress. “Let me explain something again,” George told him after several minutes. “I’m in considerable pain. I’m hoping we can do something about this problem with my eye.”
”I’m doing what I can,” said the doctor. “I’ve called the poison center, and I’m trying to find references to poison cactus on the web. What if this were a poison cactus? Wouldn’t you want me to know about that?”
”I have a feeling that if this were a poison cactus, I’d already be dead,” said George. “It doesn’t look like you’re getting any hits on it anyhow. Is there a plan B?” Doctors don’t respond well to that sort of give-and-take. George already knew this, but he was beginning to see the doctor wasn’t going to make any progress without some serious prompting. “I thought of something from my boy scout training,” he went on. “Do you have a shower? I think what needs to be done is to put my eye under a shower and wash the stuff out.”
The doctor got huffy. “This is a doctor’s office, not a gym,” he replied. Bob Willis had been watching and couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Dill was mouthing off to the company doctor! He licked his lips impatiently and almost pulled out his cell phone to video the whole thing. He’d probably get all the way in to Prakash’s office with the story of Dill mouthing off to the doctor! Dill was clearly unstable. What a piece of luck!
The doctor got up, went into a storeroom and rummaged around. He came back with a bag of saline solution. He gave it to George and told him to hold it up so the saline would dribble into his eye. George tried this for a few minutes, but there wasn’t enough liquid to rinse anything out effectively. “You know,” he said, “I think I’d be better off going home and sticking my face into the shower.”
”Suit yourself,” said the doctor. He was angrily making notes about George’s erratic behavior in case anyone tried to follow up. Bob offered to drive him home. After all, he’d never seen where George lived. This was a great opportunity: if he seemed to be living above his means, he could report that up the chain of command. If his place seemed too shabby, he could report that, too. Unfortunately, George lived in an ordinary condo, and Bob couldn’t see much from the outside.
George got home, got into the shower, and held his face under the spray for a long time. Things finally got better, and he was back at work the next day. He put in a call to his contact in the safety department. “Do you know about those cactus plants in the conference rooms?” he asked. He explained about the whitish goop that came out with the needles. “I guess not many people would run into that problem, but I was wondering why the company has cactus plants in the conference rooms in the first place. What if someone tripped and fell on one?”
”Let me get back to you,” said his contact. But the news a day or so later wasn’t good. “There’s not much we can do,” he said. “The CEO himself picked the cactus out. He’s a big cactus fan. We really can’t push this one.”
Fair enough, figured George. The world isn’t a perfect place, and sometimes you have to pick your battles. On the other hand, as time went on, he kept wondering how much Bob really knew beforehand when he pulled the spike out of the cactus and handed it to him. Bob had been with the company a lot longer than George, after all. It could well have been payback for the first call to the safety department, and if that was the case, he was sending a message that things were a bit bigger overall than George and the safety department might ever surmise.
by Roland Goity
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I was there only by chance. Our nine-year-old niece, Morgan, was spending a week with us in Phoenix, part of her summer vacation. When my wife penciled in the visit, she was to be the chaperone. The kid was ga-ga all week with anticipation, but my wife took sick—strep or something—so I reluctantly found myself escorting Morgan across acres of asphalt and small islands of tanbark, complicit in her quest to take in every ride. When the Nighthawk came into view, however, my knees buckled and my face went flush.
Uncle Pete, look at that thing! We gotta ride it! Morgan said. She rose to her tiptoes and bared her big crooked teeth.
Somehow I forced a smile, took her hand, and let her drag me to the end of the line. She sidled up to the sign post that said You Must Be This High to Ride This Ride, and I held out some hope. But my niece is tall for her age, and she cleared the marker by a good six inches. Still, a pastel-colored sign indicated a 30-minute wait from where we stood. Should we wait it out? I asked her. She just scrunched up her face as if I was crazy and said, Of course.
Five minutes went by, and then another five, and another. We were halfway there. Morgan was rattling off an array of facts, opinions and observations: something about her Iowa home, something about a boy she knew, something about how sweaty I looked. With a wave of hand I wiped my brow. And yes; I was perspiring like a chicken on a spit.
You okay, Uncle Pete?
I’ll survive, I said, hearing the riders’ screams and watching the roller-coaster train undulate as it sped along the track. The Nighthawk is a modern, inverted steel coaster, with ski-lift style seats. It climbs more than one-hundred feet in the air and travels at speeds up to fifty miles per hour. Since it rides on the reverse side of the track unlike conventional models, one’s legs rather than one’s arms dangle as they go. The park’s corporate parent is an old client, and a particular case of theirs necessitated that my knowledge of such coasters become extensive. And while knowledge is power, I would have gladly exchanged it then for blissful ignorance like that enjoyed by my niece and the parkgoers around us.
Before long Morgan and I were perched right behind the chained gate and painted stripe at the front of the line. We were the vanguard for the next group of riders. My clammy hands rung one another and I could sense my anxiety and reticence was starting to rub off on my niece. Her bravado had tempered, especially when the train screeched in to the dock with a jolt and people exited with ghost-white faces and dizzied strides.
There you go, the gawky teenage boy said as he unlatched the chain and started counting off riders. Let’s take the front, Uncle Pete, and I blindly followed the order. We fastened ourselves in and Morgan tried to assure me. Don’t worry, it’ll be fun.
Eyes closed, I took a deep breath and grit my teeth. When the coaster jerked forward, Morgan said, We’re off, and suddenly images sprouted to mind of a teenage boy jumping a cyclone fence and hopscotching his way along pavement, bounding over trailer hitches and guy wires. We quickly picked up speed and my legs swayed limply, as dead to the world as a rag doll’s. Weightlessness took hold as we ascended like a bullet and thrust into a revolution. But no blue sky could I see, only the oblivious look on the face of young Eduardo as he bent down to snatch his Dodgers cap that day, moments before it happened.
Back and to the left, a pumpkin punted off a porch; back and to the left, a pumpkin punted off a porch.
I became lightheaded and nauseous; bile tickled the back of my throat. Riders screamed in a mix of joy and fear, Morgan’s screams the loudest of all. The roller coaster catapulted from one end of the track to the next, our bodies tossed like croutons in a salad. My mind convulsed, and I thought back to those hours in the firm’s conference room, of repeatedly viewing the scene when Eduardo lost his head. The plaintiff’s attorneys played the video in Zapruder fashion: play, stop, rewind. Over and over and over again. Someone described the moment of impact like a pumpkin punted off a porch.
My racing heartbeat lessened once the ride smoothed out and slowed to a stop. My eyes reopened, and, as we disembarked, I was nearly as relieved as when the plaintiffs agreed to our proposed settlement months before. The boy had trespassed after all, and the award was simply insurance money against whatever negative press would have accompanied a trial.
Morgan jumped from her seat first and stood before me as fellow passengers exited quickly to our side.
Wasn’t that great, Uncle Pete? Wasn’t that great?
Like a pumpkin punted off a porch, I told her.
She just laughed and asked if I’d get her some cotton candy.
Funerals suck. That's all I can think as they lower his coffin into the
earth, random roots groping like horror movie hands from the spade-shiny dirt.
They totally suck. I say as much to my stepsister, Jody, who stands beside me.
She lifts her designer sunglasses onto her head and says, "Every end is a
beginning, isn't it?" She has a fake British accent and is full of trite expressions
just like that. She's only been in England for two years, but she's learned to
speak with that clipped superior edge and end every sentence with a question
which isn’t really a question, is it? "Aren't you even a little sad," I say. "He was
your father." She turns away, not deigning to answer. The minister doesn't know anything about my stepfather. He
drones on about the strength of family and community spirit. Insipid platitudes. My stepfather married my mom when I was thirteen and Jody was
fourteen. I didn't like Ted. I didn't care how hard he tried or how much Mom
wanted me to call him 'Dad'. He took my mother away from me. Before him, Mom and
I used to have lunch together every Friday. She would drive to the school on her
lunch break, pick me up from the playground, and say, "What's on the menu
today?" and I would say "Dumplings!" or "Pizza!" and
there we would go, just Mom and me. We used to watch movies on the weekends, and
sometimes I would imitate Jim Carrey, running around and making all sorts of
funny faces, and my mom would laugh and laugh. Then she met Ted, and before I
could count to ten he and my new stepsister had moved in and suddenly I was
supposed to call this stranger 'Dad' and this gawky girl 'sister' and my mom
never took me out to lunch again on Fridays. 2. Please Forgive Me The minister is finally done speaking. Dirt hits wood.
The
coffin sounds hollow to me. Mom cries and cries and my three aunts surround her,
holding her. The grass has been recently mowed, smells like a happy summer
day. Except it isn’t. I wish it would rain. It doesn't seem fair that someone
should be buried on a day when the sky is a giant blue glass bowl and bees drone
lazily over clover. My stepsister and I head toward mom. A bee buzzes low toward a
tiny yellow flower embedded in the lawn. I try to step on it, but it gets away,
making a proverbial bee-line away from danger, my looming foot. "Who chose that minister?" I say. "That guy
didn't know dad." My sister stops, balances one calf against the other knee,
rattles a small pebble from her Chelsea boot, puts it back on. "Did you
know dad?" she says mildly. "What's that supposed to mean?" I say. She's the one who's been gone for the last two years, just
picked up and moved to London after high school. I was the one who went to
college in town, helped pick up groceries and fix the internet connection and
other non-glamorous tasks, thank you very much. "I just mean he wasn't much of a talker," she says. She's right. Mom was the talker in our family. It's hard to
get a word in edge-wise when she's on a roll, and Ted was always the strong,
silent sort anyway. My aunts part like the red sea. We hug mom. She clings to me,
and for a moment I'm afraid she'll never let go. Her eyes have a desperation in
them. Ted used to take care of everything for her. He made flight reservations.
He drove the car. He tended the garden. She's lost her boat, treading water on a
giant ocean, no land in sight. As she pulls away she whispers, "He loved you best.
Of
his two daughters." I am shocked. I glance at Jody, hoping she hasn't heard. My stepsister turns, and just for a second, I catch something
in her face, a bending of some kind, like branches under snow, yielding under a
soft relentless burden. When they first moved in, Mom set up the office as a bedroom
for Jody. She said they would put an addition on the house for Jody, that Ted
would build it. Ted was a contractor and a carpenter, a good one. But Mom had
him fixing the kitchen cabinets first, and building a deck, and then it always
seemed there was something more pressing. Jody stayed up late, played her music too loud, slammed doors.
My mom always said Jody never wanted to be part of the family, how she would
never accept my mother as her own, how she said mean, angry things to Ted when
no one else was around. She didn't do well in school. She left the day after she
graduated, and Mom converted her room back into an office as if she had never
lived there at all. I was the good kid, the one who did the dishes without being
asked, who kept my music down. But now I realize: it's easy being the good kid
when someone else is playing the bad kid, and you know you are more loved. 3. Thank You Back at the house we sip a warm brandy concoction that Ted's
brother has made. Mom disappears with her sisters upstairs. The house starts to
fill up with friends and relatives. I can barely focus well enough to say hello
to them. Jody lifts an old album from its dusty home on a high
bookshelf. She sits on the familiar brown sofa and I sit beside her, relieved to
have an excuse not to talk for a while. We look at pictures of the family in Ted's nineteen-seventies
cornflower blue rambler. He loved that car. When I was sixteen I managed to
sideswipe a fire hydrant, leaving a long rusty red streak down the side of the
car. Jody ran it into a tree once. Ted never said anything about the scratches
and dents and general wear we put on that car. Mom made him sell it, finally,
for a minivan. "I ran out of gas once," I said. "Right after I
got my license. Three miles outside of town. Ted rode over on his bicycle." Jody smiles, but I see the tears on her cheeks. I remember that night well: My stepfather arrived on his
bicycle, gas can in the basket. It was freezing cold, dark clouds hanging low,
and his cheeks and nose were bright red from the wind. He didn't say, "How
could you be so stupid?" He didn't say, "I hope you've learned your
lesson." He didn't say anything. He just filled the car up, patted me on
the shoulder, and put the bicycle in the trunk. "He let me drive home," I say. "That's the kind of thing he would do." Jody's
accent is gone. I look at her. She wipes her eyes, and the accent returns.
"He was a good man, wasn't he?" Later, after Jody left and I was in college, I would go over
sometimes when mom was off on her own at the women's society group, or her book
club. Me and my stepfather would putter around in the garden. He showed me how
to plant vegetables from seedlings, how to press the tiny pressed dirt
rectangles into the ground. He never talked much. Sometimes I told him about my
job and he just listened. I remember when I told him about the promotion I
didn't get, half expecting him to say something non-committal. Instead he said,
"Those bastards." That was the only time I ever heard him swear. And then before I quite realize it, I am crying. I don't
remember ever telling him that I loved him. Jody puts her arm around me. I remember that for the last two
years she has emailed me every month, checked in on me, made an effort to stay
in contact in her own quiet way. All through Ted's illness she called home every
few days. She is more like her father than I ever realized. 4. I love you Ted's brother Gerry is talking loudly, and I look up to see
his bright red nose, his bloodshot eyes. He is trying to pick up a woman I
barely recognize, a friend of Mom's. She shies away from him, bangs her calf on
the coffee table in front of us, and then sits down abruptly right on the table.
Jody's drink wobbles and then overturns. The woman stands up, throws her drink
into Gerry's face and stalks away. Gerry just blinks, brandy dripping off his nose. Jody's drink
reaches the edge of the table, hesitates a fraction of a second, and then
plunges over in a miniature waterfall. I try to hold it in, but the laugh comes up from somewhere
deep inside and it won't be contained. I laugh, and then Jody starts to laugh,
and then suddenly everyone is laughing. And I realize: Ted would have laughed,
too. He would have laughed at the sheer silliness of the situation,
at his brother's incompetent ill-attempted pass. He had a big, contagious laugh,
so out of place on a shy man, and it always made everyone else laugh. And suddenly Jody and I are young again, laughing together.
One summer we built a treehouse in the front yard, with lots of help from Ted,
and we used to lie up there on our stomachs and watch people walking below,
giggling and pretending to be spies. We made up stories about Martian invasions,
we shared notes on the boys at school. I helped Jody with her homework
sometimes, and she told me about the escapades of the older kids. At the kitchen
table we didn’t speak to each other, but in the treehouse we were friends. And then we are old again, laughing together. And I think:
Maybe her accent is because she wants to belong to somewhere. Maybe she wishes
her father had stood up for her just once. Maybe we can be friends inside this
house. 5. Goodbye The commotion has brought Mom back downstairs and the laughing
quiets down to a low respectful murmur. Mom sits on the couch between us, holds
the photo album. "That old thing," she says, looking at the pictures
of the rambler. She looks so completely lost, and I lean into her, thinking she
might just fall over without warning. In the rare times that Ted left town on business, Mom would
call me five times in one evening to ask how to get on the internet, to find out
where Ted stored the spare lightbulbs. It wasn't that she couldn't figure those
things out herself. She needed to know someone was there for her, that someone
was looking out for her. And what will she do now? She has lost her anchor, is
drifting in uncharted territory. "I can stay for a while," Jody says to mom. "If
you'd like." "That's all right, dear," my mom says. She wipes her
eyes. "Your sister is here." I don't have to look at Jody to know she has that expression
again; that falling look. And I realize: if Jody leaves now she will not come
back. She does not think she is wanted here. "I'd like it if you stayed," I say. "I have a
spare room." Jody doesn't look at me. But she nods. When Jody walks off to put her luggage in my car, my mother
says, "She won't stay long. She has no reason to now that Ted's gone.
She
never liked me, you know." I almost say: Maybe you never gave her a chance. But I don't
say that. I realize that there are many things I didn't see as a child in this
family, didn't understand. There are things I will probably never understand.
I
am also drifting into uncharted territory. But I do know that Jody and I will always be sisters: we will
always share a past, and we know each other in ways that friends do not. Jody and I drive through town in silence. The poplar trees
have grown up, spread canopies across the older streets. I used to shinny up
those trunks; now they are bigger around than me. I think how things can get big so quickly. Trees widen and
buckle sidewalks, children grow up and move away, angry words become reasons and
rifts. But the world does not stop changing. Wounds do heal. There are second
chances. "I'm seeing a therapist," Jody says abruptly. "He says there are five things you need to say to someone to say
goodbye." "What are they?" "I forgive you. Please forgive me. Thank you.
I love you. Goodbye." "Good bye is a little redundant, don't you think?" She smiles at me, though she is crying. "I didn't get to
say any of those things to Dad." I didn't either. "I'm sorry," I say. "But endings are also beginnings," she says. "Aren't they?" "Yes," I say. "Sometimes they are."
The
Paranoia of the Swiss Cheese Maker
by John Vespasian
The Orthographers
Part
One
My story begins at age 26, a
significant age for its numerical value, but yet still an age where men are
hardly fully formed. Now that I'm 52, an equally numerically significant
age, I can say that I'm formed, but not well, like a negligent and hastily
produced attempt at pottery. How I came to discover the “orthographers”
is something that, with the unhurried pace that comes with age, I will reveal
gradually. It is not that I fancy myself in any way or manner a prose
artist, or wish to multiply the consternation of my hearers with overwrought
descriptions suffused with pretty language, but that I am subject to the demands
of factual and sequential narrative telling. My name was then Jason Johns, as it
still is today, although names remain inalterable even in the face of the
greatest changes, calamities and triumphs. My name then and my name now
only appear identical when, in fact, events change its character. What I
do know now, and what I did not know then, is the significance and weight of
every letter in my name—bland as it appears— as well as the equal importance
of every name. Not, of course, like some crude Cabalist confusing
deduction with convenient numerical imposition, for such inane mystic balderdash
chooses to see a self-generated pattern as the divine Order of all existence. At the age of 26, where my tale begins,
like most men in my time, I was a listless and nomadic youth, spirited away
easily by unfocused eagerness and the secret cloying need for some definitive
purpose—any purpose—to better manifest what youth feels is their lot in
glorious destiny. I was a good traveller by nature, taking whatever
opportunity a small finance would provide to brown my flesh on exotic shores
rimed with proud palms or feel the exhilarating chill of hiking through dense
and dark northern boreal forests. There was no area so forbidden I would
not take to explore, no matter how distant or unseemly. One such jaunt, the one that I cannot
seem to efface from a memory so over-full and now a fading and aged tapestry,
took me to a place that exists on no maps, if it really exists at all.
Deserts had, from childhood, always captivated me as it did T.E. Lawrence.
.
I Forgive You

will
never reveal my formula to anyone," announced Ludovico Egli to the venture
capitalists. At that point, it was obvious that the negotiation was over.
After spending three days in Brussels, trying to obtain funding to keep his farm
afloat, Ludovico Egli had decided to reject the financiers' final offer.
Ludovico's father had passed to him the secret recipe for making Emmenthal
cheese with mountain herbs. One day, it might be Ludovico's turn to pass
the recipe to his son. No, he would never let strangers into a secret that
had belonged to his family since the times of Wilhelm Tell.
Ludovico drove back from Brussels to Bern in his old Volkswagen, wondering what
he was going to do next. He had placed all his hopes in obtaining funding
from the Brussels venture capitalists.
After the failure of the negotiations, Ludovico Egli had no idea where to turn
next. He was already two months late with his mortgage payments and he
feared that his local bank might foreclose his farm, the land of his father and
his ancestors.
When Ludovico arrived at his farm in Muri, a village near Bern, he went to bed
and fell into an agitated sleep. The following morning, he got up early,
as he usually did, milked the cows, took his leather bag, and walked up the
mountain to pick up wild herbs to make cheese.
Ludovico knew exactly where to go. On Ludovico's seventh birthday, his
father had revealed the place to him and sworn him to secrecy. "I
will do whatever it takes to protect the recipe, I will protect the secret with
my life," Ludovico had sworn to his father. A quarter of an hour
later, he arrived at a cliff, stood still, and looked around to make sure that
he was alone.
The secret herbs grew next to that cliff and nowhere else, as though they could
not grow without the constant challenge of the wind. Ludovico bent down
and began to pick up herbs, putting them in his leather bag.
"On Monday, I saw you drive by," said a female voice behind Ludovico's
back. He froze and the herbs in his hands felt as warm as a cow's breath
in January. Ludovico turned around slowly and faced Marguerite Stutsi, who
lived in an isolated house near Ludovico's farm.
"I saw you drive by the petrol station," she explained with a
smile. Of course, realized Ludovico, as he remembered that Marguerite
worked in the restaurant next to the petrol station. He had known
Marguerite all his life. With the years, her natural beauty had become
less conspicuous and more profound.
"I was just going for a walk," Ludovico replied, as though to justify
his presence by the cliff. I could have not given a more stupid answer, he
told himself. She must think that I am retarded, or even worse, a
liar. Besides, how could she help seeing my leather bag and the herbs in
my hands?
Marguerite Stutsi contemplated Ludovico in silence for a long moment, wondering
why he had never asked her out. All single men in Muri had asked
Marguerite out. All except Ludovico. They walked together down the
mountain slope, exchanging few words.
She has seen me pick up the secret herbs, lamented Ludovico in his heart.
Now she knows the secret, the recipe of my father and my ancestors. What
if she tells anybody? The mere thought that his formula could fall in the
hands of strangers was making Ludovico sick.
They stopped walking when they reached the crossroad and stared at each
other. For a second, all crazy ideas came to Ludovico's mind.
Killing Marguerite and throwing her body down the cliff. Kidnapping
Marguerite and keeping her prisoner in his farm.
But then he would have to take care of her all day, and who would milk the
cows? Who would make the cheese? Damn woman, what was she doing all
on her own in the mountain? Why didn't she have a husband and children to
take care of? No, he could not let her take away the secret.
"Marguerite," he said in an irritated tone, "will you marry
me?" The question did not seem to take Marguerite Stutsi by
surprise. She shrugged her shoulders and replied simply.
"Why?"
Ludovico's answer showed his long practice in cheese-making. "It's
better to mix the herbs while the milk is still fresh. Besides, I have
been planning to talk to you already since five years ago." Ludovico
saw Marguerite hesitate and he added a further argument. "I want you
to know that I don't mind that you work in a restaurant."
She looked at him in the eyes and nodded. It was only after the wedding
that Ludovico learned that Marguerite actually owned the restaurant near the
petrol station. Their daughter, Lisette, was born a year letter. One
day, Ludovico will walk with his daughter up the mountain. One day,
Ludovico will pass the secret recipe to her.


by Kane X. Faucher
he
story I must relate is an unbelievable one, and despite our age's wearying of
fabulists and weavers of impossible fictions, I can assure my hearers that I
share their exasperation. To that end, I beg pardon and patience for the
unlikely and vertiginous events that befell me but are as true as my memory, and
the setting of my now evacuated youth, will allow.
We had travelled too far for me to consider backtracking on foot, so I placed faith in my youthful fortitude to push on towards my next goal. With no water, and that merciless sun overhead battering me, I trod on. That sun was both tormentor and saviour, depleting me of strength yet acting as my bright compass through that infinite desert landscape with no identifiable markers. The sandstorms that would whip up from time to time were severely harsh, and each step brought me closer into that terrain of trance one experiences under conditions of extreme heat and lack of food and water. One must remember that back then I wasn't the hardened man with such unbearably strict thinking, and so perhaps I secretly enjoyed this test of my will.
I cannot say exactly how long I travelled across that unforgiving terrain before consciousness fled me, nor how long I lay in what was to be my open sandy tomb. Fated to be spared, I was prodded awake by a man holding a stick. The sandstorm had vanished and it was midday—the cruelest time to be lost in the middle of the desert. The figure who had prodded me, perhaps poking to see if I were already dead, was far more appropriately attired for desert travel, in light layers of silk. His mouth, behind a wiry beard, was defiant, and his eyes burned. Wordlessly, almost reluctantly, he bade me to follow.
The desert upon which I had found myself was like no desert I had ever seen. The sand was a powdered obsidian black, and the heat it collected and returned made walking even in boots as though upon lighted coals. My rescuer's skin was smudged with this black sand, the look of a miner well inured to his stifling surroundings. He frugally shared a goatskin bladder of water as we made our way, and we briefly camped in the evening when he shared some ghastly fare only extreme hunger allowed me to partake in.
We moved steadily across that black blanket, him of surer foot than I. Neither of us essayed a word to one another, and I had assumed it would have been pointless to strike up conversation seeing as he probably only spoke his tribal tongue. However, by nightfall, he surprised me with a clearly spoken English:
“We are not in the habit of admitting trespassers.”
“I—I had no intention. I was robbed and abandoned by my guide, left to wander without provisions. If you had not come along, I would have surely died.”
“This is true, but we do not believe in accidents—you are still trespassing.”
I could tell that my woeful predicament did not faze him, for he brushed it aside with a gruff lack of sympathy. After another prolonged silence, I asked, “Where am I that I am trespassing?”
“You are in the domain of the desert engineers. We are nearing the boundary where our workshops are stationed.”
“Do you all speak English so well?”
“We less speak than manufacture this language called English,” was his cryptic reply.
“Are you all under the employ of a British or American company? This seems a desolate and remote area to conduct work.”
“No. I will answer no more questions. The only reason I am taking you with me is because it is a shameful thing for someone so young to die. You will be brought before our Guildmaster, lodged for one night, outfitted with provisions, and one of our own will guide you on your way.”
I had not thought to ask him his name, and I was sure given his rather taciturn manner and determined gaze trained on impossible distances that it was of no importance to him. It seemed to me that, for a man of his comportment, names were beneath him, or perhaps so sacred that they could not be uttered so carelessly and irreverently. The only other precedent I have since found on the sacredness of names has been among some gypsy cultures where a mother assigns a secret name to her child that only they know, for to reveal it to anyone else is to risk the devil stealing the child's soul. My own name, in a land so vast and mysterious, soaked with the blood of endless feuding, the birthplace of the concept of zero, seemed a ridiculous thing to me, so paltry and meaningless. My namesake obtained the fleece through less than heroic means in a celebrated tale that would have barely been a minor footnote in the narrative legacy of these people. Even in my misguided romanticizing, I suspected that desert people would always outpace us in their profundity, leaving even the best of us passive and confused ethnographers desperately grasping for understanding.
My new guide led me to a fortification. I could see enormous piles of the powdery black sand being poured from the ramparts. As I would learn, this lost tribe did not follow Allah, but the Aleph, but this element of my story is premature.
Despite the misfortune of my circumstances, I had already been judged a trespasser, and was treated thusly. Gruff faces with grisly beards spied me with unconcealed mistrust and contempt as we approached the main gates. My guide explained to the guards that I had been orphaned, a foundling of the unforgiving desert, and that my passage away would be speedily arranged. He also did not bother to make any excuses on my behalf, dubbing me harshly with that title of trespasser.
“It is written that none but our tribe see the Work,” one guard admonished, reciting as if from some invisible scripture.
“His eyes shall remain hooded from the Work. Praise be Aleph,” replied my guide.
“Praise be Aleph,” the two guards answered simultaneously, opening the two heavy stone doors by means of a crank mechanism.
I did not chance to glimpse at what lay behind those gates, for a guard tied a blindfold around my eyes. I was led by the hand through what my artificial blindness would have assumed were winding corridors. When next sight was restored to me, I was face to face with a stern old man with a long grey beard and a beige ceremonial robe. He had the look of a frightening biblical patriarch, and a scowl etched his face.
“Announce yourself before me and this council, trespasser,” he boomed.
“My name is Jason Johns, an American. I lost my way when my guide deceived me and abandoned me to certain death until one of your people encountered me unconscious in the desert.”
“What is your guild, Jason Johns American?”
“Guild? I have no guild. I am just a traveller.”
“Trespasser,” I was corrected.
“He is b'rethtu,” said what I assumed was the patriarch's vizier.
“B'rethtu?” I echoed.
“He means 'nomad', a man with no guild, no place, and no purpose,” explained the patriarch.
I was on the verge of protesting, that I had a place, an apartment in Seattle, a family, and so forth, but immediately redressed myself. Was I not a nomad? Without purpose or direction, a long series of temporary jobs and aimless globetrotting in some half-hearted attempt to discover myself. The pronouncement of nomad was perhaps exceptionally apt.
“He cannot remain here,” said the vizier.
“That is written,” said the patriarch.
Amid a plethora of inconsequential protests I made, insisting on accidental circumstances to efface this nomination of being a trespasser, they would hear no more. Nothing further would be revealed that night, and I was led away to be bedded down in an antechamber with a floor fashioned of rough jute.
(to be concluded)
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Pure Love
Carolyn Schlam
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Trapeze
Carolyn Schlam
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Tightrope Walker
Carolyn Schlam
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My Conscience
Carolyn Schlam
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Black Lace
Carolyn Schlam

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Carolyn III |
|
Laurey Lebenson |

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Tanya V |
Laurey Lebenson |

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Madelyn I |
Laurey Lebenson |
Sara III
Laurey Lebenson

|
Angela I |
Laurey Lebenson |

|
Bee |
|
Eileen Green Alexander |

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Set in Stone |
|
Laine Perry |

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Venice Boys |
Laine Perry |

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Aces Up |
Darla Farner |

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Melody |
Darla Farner |

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Under the Sea |
Darla Farner |

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Funny Farm |
Darla Farner |

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Fire Sky |
|
Darla Farner |

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blue object |
Peter Schwartz |
coercion
Peter Schwartz
innuendo
Peter Schwartz

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little ghosts |
Peter Schwartz |

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telescope |
Peter Schwartz |

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Ba-Donk-A-Donk |
Mikayla Rose Alexander |
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Five Poems by Yosa Buson translated by EP Allan
LXXXI つ 座 玉 Tamazuri no A perfect girl *************** XXXV 北 南 梅 Ume achikochi Here ****************** XXXIII 月 枯 し Shira ume no The grey plum blossoms ******************* VII そ 雀 鶯 Uguhisu o Warblers ******************** V 暮 声 鶯 Uguhisu no As the sun sets |