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ken*again
, the literary magazine  
         
   

ken*again
is a quarterly, nonprofit e-zine presenting a
hearty, eclectic mix of prose, poetry, art and photography:
accessible, obscure, soothing, disturbing.

Wrap your mind around a good read.

 "Howling Allen, I have seen the worst minds
Of my generation
Advanced upwards
To become the most powerful influence."  Duane Locke

 

Fomalhaut  by John Delin  Support independent publishing: buy this book on Lulu.

 



 



Poetry


Red Moon  Luis Cuauhtemoc Berriozabal
Unhappiness  Luis Cuauhtemoc Berriozabal
Dario's Cypress Tree  Luis Cuauhtemoc Berriozabal
Enigma of the Frozen Man   Robert Cullen
At John Pennekamp Underwater Park   Robert Cullen
Dawn, Breaking In  Angelo Giambra
Fossil: Cryptic  Brant Goble
Black Friday on Long Island:  A Comedy  Brant Goble
Charley Plays a Tune  Michael Lee Johnson
Because we are human and want to be loved  Rebecca Katechis
Saints and Sinners  Karen Kelsay
Beneath a Ficus Tree  Karen Kelsay
Avoiding Nettles  Karen Kelsay
Waiting for Spring  Joseph Lewis
Walking on Air  Joseph Lewis
Near the Pond  Lyn Lifshin
The New Dancer, Hair Like Mine  Lyn Lifshin
Ballroom  Lyn Lifshin
On a Road of Broken Asphalt Winding up to Orvieto  Duane Locke
Fallen Lighthouse  Duane Locke
Lightning  Duane Locke
Cozze at Christmas Eve at a Social Event    Duane Locke
What is Here
What is not Here
   Duane Locke
Solstice Night   Carla Martin-Wood
The Last Magick  Carla Martin-Wood
Sam  Carla Martin-Wood
Tap Room  Scott Owens
Rebound  Scott Owens
The Difference  Scott Owens
Picasso's Last Words  Sally Arango Renata
Wind  Thomas D. Reynolds
Untitled  Ron Scott
They Shoot Horses, Don't They?  Iolanda Scripca
Waiting  Iolanda Scripca
Your Gift to Me  Iolanda Scripca
Reading the Letter  Joseph R. Trombatore
Vase of Irises 
Joseph R. Trombatore
The Window  Joseph R. Trombatore
Violin & Pitcher  Joseph R. Trombatore
Lake Annecy  Joseph R. Trombatore
Kin  Kelley Jean White
Last  Kelley Jean White
Lord, take  Kelley Jean White
Lost Poem  Kelley Jean White
Purple and Gray  Kelley Jean White

Prose      

Sick Dog  Lauren Becker
A Day at the Mall  Saro Bedian 
The Secret to Prayer   Eric Bennett
A New Technique  Lisa Braxton 
Safety Issue  John Bruce
Thrill Ride  Roland Goity
Five Things  Corie Ralston 
The Paranoia of the Swiss Cheese Maker   John Vespasian

Serial 

The Orthographers   Kane X. Faucher 

Art

Pure Love  Carolyn Schlam
Trapeze  Carolyn Schlam
Tightrope Walker  Carolyn Schlam
My Conscience  Carolyn Schlam
Black Lace  Carolyn Schlam
Carolyn III  Laurey Lebenson
Tanya V  Laurey Lebenson
Madelyn I  Laurey Lebenson
Sara III  Laurey Lebenson
Angela I  Laurey Lebenson
Bee  Eileen Green Alexander
Dreams: The Collage Impulse  Michal Mahgerefteh
Set in Stone  Laine Perry
Venice Boys  Laine Perry
Aces Up  Darla Farner
Melody  Darla Farner
Under the Sea  Darla Farner
Funny Farm  Darla Farner
Fire Sky  Darla Farner
blue object  Peter Schwartz
coercion  Peter Schwartz
innuendo  Peter Schwartz
little ghosts  Peter Schwartz
telescope   Peter Schwartz
Ba-Donk-A-Donk  Mikayla Rose Alexander

And another thing... 

Five Poems by Yosa Buson   translated by EP Allan

 


 

CONTRIBUTORS

 


Eileen Green Alexander (photography) grew up on Long Island, with a photographer Dad, lives now in Maryland, since about 1980.  She is a school teacher and a mom with a passion for photography, especially of people and animals.  eileenmikirose@gmail.com

Mikayla Rose Alexander (art) is a high school student who has always loved art.  She has studied  water colors and oil painting, sketching, fashion design, ceramics, and costume design for her school's Theater Department.   Mikayla is in an IB {International Baccalaureate}Art, English and French program at her high school in Maryland.  She is active in art, dance and theater, in school and in the community.   eileenmikirose@gmail.com


EP Allan (And another thing...) is currently a Ph.D. candidate in Creative Mis-spelling from UW-Milwaukee, and has published his  poetry, fiction and articles in both print and electronic magazines.  He was also an ESL instructor and lived for some 11 years in Japan.  He maintains his  promotional website http://www.epallan.com    epallan@mac.com

Lauren Becker
(prose) lives in Oakland, California.   Her work has appeared, or is forthcoming, in journals including Word Riot, Wigleaf, Mud Luscious, Pank and Pindledybozljb921@gmail.com

Saro Bedian
(prose) has been to college for two years and has spent a few years working.  He has not left his parents house yet.  He lives in Connecticut near the Eugene O' Neil residence in New London, a few towns away.  His family is of pure Armenian descent and he has strong ties to his background.  Mr. Bedian is very interested in going back to see the old country and possibly live there, becoming an all-purpose artist.  He is a musician as well as a writer and enjoys other forms of art.   Bedian@hotmail.com

Eric Bennett
(prose) lives in New York with his wife and four children.  He loves trees without leaves, the silence between previews at a movie theatre, and writing short stories.  His work appears or is forthcoming in Why Vandalism?, Gloom Cupboard, Bartleby Snopes, Smokebox, Apt, decomP magazinE, The Battered Suitcase, Dogmatika, and Up the Staircase.
EBennett@tkc.edu


Luis Cuauhtemoc Berriozabal (poetry) works in the mental health field in Los Angeles, CA.  His first book of poetry, Raw Materials, was published by Pygmy Forest Press.  His poems have appeared in Free Verse, Pemmican, and Zygote In My Coffee and he has work appearing in Ascent Aspirations, Cerebral Catalyst (both online journals), and in Blue Collar Review & Remark Poetry Journal (print journal).  Recently, he had chapbooks published by Kendra Steiner Editions, Still Human, and by Deadbeat Press, Before & Well After Midnight.   Cuatemochi@aol.com

Lisa Braxton (prose), a native of Bridgeport, Connecticut, is a former television news anchor and reporter.  She spent her television career at stations in Illinois, Pennsylvania and Connecticut.  She is also a former newspaper reporter and radio reporter.  She is currently manager of public education projects for a nonprofit fire safety organization in the Boston, Massachusetts, metropolitan area, where she writes, edits, and produces fire safety materials and also makes public presentations.  In addition to dabbling in fiction writing, Ms. Braxton enjoys volunteering her time mentoring young people, travel and physical fitness.  Her short stories have been published by Snake Nation Press, New Works Review, Sweet Spot Destiny 3 publishing and Foliate Oak Review. lisabraxton@hotmail.com
 

John Bruce (prose) has degrees in English from Dartmouth College and the University of Southern California.  His writing has appeared recently, or will appear, in 13th Warrior Review, Backhand Stories, Cantaraville, The Cynic Online, decomP, Diddledog, DOGZPLOT, Eskimo Pie, Fiction at Work, Greenbeard, Holy Cuspidor, The Journal of Truth and Consequence, Long Story Short, Lyrical Ballads,  Pear Noir!, Press 1, Short Story Library, Why Vandalism?, and Word Riot.  One of his recent short stories has been nominated for the 2008 Pushcart Prize.  j.bruce@gte.net
 
Yosa Buson (1716-1784) (And another thing...) is considered one of the greatest poets and painters of the Edo Period in Japan (1603-1868). 
 
Robert Cullen (poetry) is a treasure hunter on the run in a city of shadows, stumbling from time to time over the odd curiosity and things of Beauty.   willoughbyarts@hotmail.com
 
Darla Farner (art) was born in the USA, East Chicago, Indiana.  Formerly known as Darla A. Vickery, she is a descendant of the legendary artist Charles Vickery.  She has been a resident of Portland, Oregon since 1979.   Since the summer of 1998, she has created nearly 200 Mixed Media paintings on 22 x 30 hot compressed, museum quality, archival paper with more to come.  She received the Who's Who of American Women 2008-2009, Who's Who in America 2009 and Who's Who in the World 2009 recognition along with other awards, certificates and worldwide recognition.  "The art I am attempting to create is one that lets the viewer’s imagination take them where they long to be, an escape from reality."  d.farner@comcast.net

Kane X. Faucher (serial) is a doctoral candidate and an emerging/mid-career author at the University of Western Ontario’s Centre for the Study of Theory & Criticism in London, Canada.  He has published in several academic and literary journals both online and in print.  He also has published three novels, Urdoxa (2004), Codex Obscura (2005), and Fort & Da (2006).  A few of his pieces have appeared in the following online and print journals: 3711 Atlantic, Angelaki:  Journal of the Theoretical Humanities, The Argotist Online, Copious Magazine, Culture Theory & Critique, The Danforth Review, Defenestration, Eratio, Exquisite Corpse, Fascist Panties, Jack Magazine, Moria, Nthposition, Nebula, Oversion, Paradoxism (anthology), Propaganda:  A Journal of Arts & Literature, Quill and Ink, Rain Taxi, Raging Face, Ten Thousand Monkeys, Verb, Uber, Variaciones Borges, Y?, Your Black Eye, and many others.  jonkilcalembour@yahoo.com

Angelo Giambra (poetry) lives in Largo, Florida where he is a Network Engineer for a large engineering firm.  His poems have appeared in Hudson View, The Spillway Review, ken*again, Flutter, Void Magazine and various other journals.  His other publications include a short story published in Galaxy Magazine and over a dozen technical articles.  ange-giambra@tampabay.rr.com

Brant Goble (poetry) is a technician, perpetual (graduate) student, and editor (of Gander Press Review).  His work has been published in 55 Words and Cynic Online Magazine.  His poetry has recently been accepted by Words-Myth, Burst!, and Prick of the Spindle. Years ago, he contributed an essay to Marriage 101, a collection of student essays published by Bedford/St. Martin's.  He was also recently interviewed by Stefanie Freele for SmokeLong Quarterly about his role as publisher/editor of Gander Press Reviewbrant_goble@ganderpress.com

Roland Goity (prose) lives in the San Francisco Bay Area.  His stories appear in a number of print and Web publications.  He is fiction editor of the online journal LITnIMAGE.   rolandgoity@sbcglobal.net
 
Michael Lee Johnson (poetry) is a poet, and freelance writer, Itasca, Illinois, author of The Lost American: From Exile to Freedom.  He has also published two chapbooks of poetry.  He has been published in USA, Canada, New Zealand, Australia, Scotland, Turkey, Fuji, Nigeria, Algeria, Africa, India, United Kingdom, Republic of Sierra Leone, Nepal, Thailand, Kuala Lumpur, and Malaysia.   He is also publisher and editor of four poetry, flash fiction sites.  promomanusa@gmail.com

Rebecca Katechis (poetry) is a lifelong New Yorker stuck in Florida but ever hopeful of making it back to the Northeast.  She teaches writing in a distance learning program at JHU/CTY.  She writes now for children and young adults, collaborating with her painter sister, Carolyn Schlam, on a memoir series for young readers.  Rebecca read poetry around NYC in a time long ago when such an event was still called a poetry reading.  She remembers those days fondly, especially the readings she did with her friend, Hank Malone.  "I have no external sense of rhythm, so I will never perform what is now called spoken word.  I woke up one day recently thinking how nice it would be to have an adult poem in print, and marked this rare thought with a submission to ken*again".  rskatechis@yahoo.com  

Karen Kelsay (poetry) grew up in Southern California, she writes poetry about nature and loves the sea.  Her first book was published in June of 2008.  She enjoys writing formal and free verse poetry.  Her poems have appeared in The Christian Science Monitor, Westward Quarterly, Soundzine, and several other magazines.  pkincalif@yahoo.com

Laurey Lebenson (art) graduated from Syosset High School in 1962 and was the Art Editor of ken*, its literary magazine, at its inception.  She has a B.S (1966) and M.S. (1973) from SUNY New Paltz.  She taught art, including drawing, painting and photography, in the secondary schools of the East Ramapo Central School District in Spring Valley, NY for 34 years.  She retired in 2000.  In addition, she was the photography adviser and then the adviser of the award-winning Spring Valley High School Tiger yearbook from 1986-2000.

Laurey’s interests now lie in drawing the human figure, concentrating most recently on fine detail and subtle tonal form, giving her drawings a sublime, ethereal feeling.  She has also done work in photography and graphic design, and her work has been exhibited in many group shows.  She was a featured artist at the annual “Focus on the Figure” Show, a prestigious national-juried show at the Hopper House Art Center in Nyack, NY in November, 2005.  She had a one-woman show of her drawings in December, 2007 in Tappan, NY.

Laurey:  “Creating drawings of the human figure has become my passion.  I am particularly drawn to the challenges of foreshortening and the delicate play of light and shadow on the figure.  What is not seen in the drawing is as important as what is seen, and this often gives my drawings a deliberate other-worldiness.”

Laurey lives in Tappan, NY with her husband of 39+ years, Lou Mundt, a retired foreign language teacher.  They enjoy travelling in Europe, ballet, opera, the theater and other NYC cultural events. 
LSLEB5@optonline.net
 
Joseph Lewis (poetry) has published poetry in various print and ezines including ken*again, Sunspinner and sometime city.  He has poems forthcoming in the regional anthology Poet's Domain.  He lives in Virginia.  ezwriter101@excite.com

Lyn Lifshin (poetry)'s Another Woman Who Looks Like Me was published by Black Sparrow at David Godine October, 2006.  It has been selected for the 2007 Paterson Award for Literary Excellence for previous finalists of the Paterson Poetry Prize. (ORDER@GODINE.COM).  Also out in 2006, her prize winning book about the famous, short lived beautiful race horse, Ruffian:  The Licorice Daughter:  My Year With Ruffian from Texas Review Press. 

 Other of Lifshin’s recent prizewinning books include Before It's Light published winter 1999-2000 by Black Sparrow press, following their publication of Cold Comfort in 1997.  Other recently published books and chap books include: In Mirrors from Presa Press and Upstate:  An Unfinished Story from Foot Hills and The Daughter I Don't Have from Plan B Press.  Other new books include When a Cat Dies, Another Woman's Story, Barbie Poems, She was Found Treading Water Deep Out in the Ocean, and Mad Girl Poems.  A New Film about a Woman in Love with the Dead came from March Street Press in 2003. 

 She has published more than 120 books of poetry, including Marilyn Monroe and Blue Tattoo.  She won awards for her non fiction and edited four anthologies of women's writing including Tangled Vines, Ariadne's Thread and Lips Unsealed.  Her poems have appeared in most literary and poetry magazines and she is the subject of an award winning documentary film, Lyn Lifshin:  Not Made of Glass, available from Women Make Movies.  Her poem, No More Apologizing has been called among the most impressive documents of the women's poetry movement, by Alicia Ostriker.  An update to her Gale Research Projects Autobiographical series, On The Outside, Lips, Blues, Blue Lace, was published Spring 2003.  What Matters Most and August Wind were recently published.  Tsunami is forthcoming from Blue Unicorn. World Parade Press will publish Poets (Mostly) Who Have Touched Me, Living and Dead:  All True, Especially the Lies.  Texas Review Press published Barbaro:  Beyond Brokenness in 2008 and World Parade Books just published Desire in 2008. And Drifting is just online.  Red Hen has published Persephone in 2008.  Coatalism Press just published 92 Rapple Drive and Goose River Press will publish Nutley Pond.  Clevis Hook Press just published Light at the End, The Jesus Poems, and Finishing Line Press published Lost in the Fog; also, Ballet Madonnas was published by Mastodon Dentist.  For interviews, photographs, more bio material, reviews, interviews, prose, samples of work and more, her web site is www.lynlifshin.com. onyxvelvet@aol.com

Duane Locke (art) lives in rural Lakeland, Florida.  Duane Locke, Ph. D. (Metaphysical Poetry) has had (as of May 07) 5,877 poems published in print and e zines and 17 print and e books published.  He is also a painter, exhibited widely—a discussion of his work appears in Gary Monroe’s Extraordinary Interpretations (U of Fla press).  He has a recent exhibition, “Outsider Art” at Polk Museum.  Dr. Locke is also a photographer and has 289 photos published on the internet.  He goes close-ups of tossed away trash, Mystic vegetation, visual music and nature (primarily small insects).  For more information, interviews, awards, etc. click on Google, he has quasi half-million entries and is listed in Who’s Who in America (Marquis.)
duanelocke@gmail.com

Michal Mahgerefteh (art) is an accomplished artist and enjoys working with acrylic and tile/glass mosaic, creating pieces drawn from her life's experiences.  She is a member of  The Society of American Mosaic Artists and the founder and publisher of Poetica MagazinePoeticamag@aol.com

Carla Martin-Wood (poetry)'s newest chapbook, Garden of Regret, is available from Pudding House, and another chapbook, Redheaded Stepchild, is forthcoming from Pudding House.  A recent Pushcart Prize nominee, Carla has been widely published in the US and Ireland, including ken*again, Rosebud, The Foliate Oak, The Lyric, State Street Review, Elk River Review, Aura, The Linnet’s Wings, Flutter, The Clapboard House, Up the Staircase, Joyful!, and many other journals.  A strong advocate for spoken word, she is an in-house reader for Soundzine and maintains Smoky Joe’s Café on her website at http://thewellreadhead.googlepages.com/smokyjoe'scafe.

Scott Owens (poetry) is a graduate of the UNCG MFA program, co-editor of Wild Goose Poetry Review, Chair of the Sam Ragan Poetry Prize for the Poetry Council of NC, and author of “Musings,” a weekly poetry column in Outlook.  Scott Owens is the 2008 Visiting Writer at Catawba Valley Community College.  His first full-length collection of poetry, The Fractured World was published in August by Main Street Rag.  He is also author of two chapbooks The Persistence of Faith (1993) from Sandstone Press and Deceptively Like a Sound (Dead Mule, 2008), and over 300 poems published in various journals.   A third chapbook, The Book of Days, will be published by Dead Mule in January.   He has been nominated for two Pushcart Prizes and a Best of the Net Prize this year.  His poem, “On the Days I Am Not My Father,” was recently featured on Garrison Keillor’s NPR show The Writer’s Almanac.  Born in Greenwood, SC, he now lives in Hickory, NC, where he teaches and coordinates the Poetry Hickory reading series.  asowens1@yahoo.com

Laine Perry (photography) has lived in almost every state.   She has dropped out of a couple of  good schools—Bennington and Columbia.  She has stories in Smokebox.net, theglut.com, dreamforge  and ken*again.  Laine is married to a hot shot commercial diver, and has a very sexy male weimaraner.   lainielives@hotmail.com

Corie Ralston (prose) has sold about a dozen stories, the most recent to Strange HorizonsCYRalston@lbl.gov

Sally Arango Renata (poetry) is originally from California, then Colorado, and has lived along the coast of South Carolina for fifteen years.  A folk artist and writer, Renata  has received honorable mention and placed in the Interboard Poetry Competition and has been published in a number of anthologies including the 2008 Petigru Review.  In 2008 she was named Poetry Fellow by the South Carolina Arts Commission, and later that year she was nominated for The Pushcart Prize for a poem published in Joyfulonline  ArtisansWorks@aol.com

Thomas D. Reynolds (poetry) received an MFA in creative writing from Wichita State University and teaches at Johnson County Community College in Overland Park, Kansas.  In his work, he combines his interests in history, folklore, Midwestern life, and poetry.  A chapbook of his poetry,  Electricity, was published by Ligature Press of Topeka, Kansas.  Publications which have accepted his work include the following:  New Delta Review, Alabama Literary Review, Aethlon-The Journal of Sport Literature, The MacGuffin, The Cape Rock, Potpourri, American Western Magazine, The Green Tricycle, 3rd Muse Poetry Journal, Tryst, Prairie Poetry, Strange Horizons, and Miller's Pond Poetry Magazine.   tomrey8@yahoo.com

Carolyn Schlam (art) is a painter and glassmaker originally from New York and now living and working in Miami, Florida.  She's a graduate of Harpur College and studied art with Norman Raeben in Carnegie Hall and glassmaking at Urban Glass.  She works in oil, mixed media, collage, fused and cast glass and now combines glass with clay and metal.  She has a large body of diverse work and accepts commissions in glass and other media.  Visit her website at carolynschlam.com.    carolynschlam@aol.com

Peter Schwartz (art) is an abstract painter who has dedicated his life to perfecting his art.  In addition to having his work featured on over 80 websites, his paintings have appeared in such print journals as Existere, Orange Coast Review, Red Wheelbarrow, Reed, and International Poetry Review. His most recent exhibition was at the Amsterdam Whitney Gallery in NYC.  He is an art editor for both Mad Hatters' Review and Dogzplot.  His work can be seen directly at sitrahahra.com/. pupil@watchtheeye.com

Ron Scott (poetry) has a degree in SocioCultural Anthropology, enjoys reading a wide range of fiction and poetry and is currently looking for a job as a high school English teacher.  beatnikwarrior@yahoo.com

Iolanda Scripca (poetry) lived in Eastern Europe for the first 20 years of her life, in a loving family.  Her mom was a teacher and high school principal and her dad a published writer, poet and TV producer.  She is a graduate of Foreign Languages and Literatures from the University of Bucharest.  Nowadays she enjoys Southern California and possesses a CA Teaching Credential.  Ms. Scripca publishes in several Romanian-American Newspapers both in Romanian and English.  She is  married to Ron;  they own a business and enjoy traveling to exotic places.  Scripca@aol.com

Joseph R. Trombatore (poetry) is a Pushcart nominee, whose award winning collection of poems, “Screaming at Adam” was published by Wings Press, 2007.  Recent poems have or will soon appear in Babel Fruit, Clean Sheets, JASAT (Journal of the American Studies Association of Texas), Origami Condom, Right Hand Pointing, Spoken War, and Oak Bend Review.  He is Editor/Publisher of the online Literary Journal of the Arts: www.radiantturnstile.com    trombatorej@yahoo.com

John Vespasian (prose) has lived in New York, Madrid, Paris, and Munich.  His stories reflect the values of entrepreneurship, tolerance, and self-reliance.  johnvespasian@gmail.com

Kelley Jean White (poetry) studied at Dartmouth College and Harvard Medical School and worked as a pediatrician in inner-city Philadelphia for more than twenty-five years.  Mother of three, she is an active Quaker, and has recently returned to her small New Hampshire village and begun work at a rural health center in the North Country.  Her poems have been widely published over the past decade, in journals including Exquisite Corpse, Nimrod, Poet Lore, Rattle and the Journal of the American Medical Association and in several chapbooks and full-length collections.  She is the recipient of a 2008 Pennsylvania Council on the Arts grant in poetry.
kelleywhitemd@yahoo.com


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Sick Dog  Lauren Becker
A Day at the Mall
 
Saro Bedian
The Secret to Prayer
 
Eric Bennett
A New Technique 
Lisa Braxton

Safety Issue  John Bruce
Thrill Ride
  
Roland Goity
Five Things
 
Corie Ralston
The Paranoia of the Swiss Cheese Maker
  
John Vespasian


 

 

                                                             

Sick Dog                                                                                                                    

by Lauren Becker

 

’ve driven to his house a million times.  I could do it asleep and I almost have.  Down the hill, a slight right onto the freeway, five exits downs, left off the exit, second left, second house on the right.  My hands know to steer, my feet know when to accelerate and brake and I know when to stop.

Tonight, my arms and legs rebel against a million and one.  I’m awake and my extremities and my car and my thoughts urge me to keep going.  To steer and accelerate and brake past his exit, six exits further, left off the exit, two miles straight, on the right, just past the Chevron station.  To the other one.

I'm approaching the exit I should take.  I want to get off.  I want to keep driving.  I feel it starting.  The sudden bitter taste.  The freeway looks twice its size.  It’s happened before.  I know I’ll lose consciousness in about two and a half minutes.  I use one precious second.  Damn.

I turn on the hazards, pull off the freeway into a residential area, stop the car, unbuckle my seat belt and lie on my side on the pillow in the passenger seat.  When I come to, I estimate I was out for at least a minute.  I am sweaty, exhausted, disoriented.

I sit up, drink some water.  I’ve just swallowed my meds when I hear someone walking toward the driver's side of my car.  A man appears.  California Highway Patrol.  He gestures for me to roll down my window.

“Ma’am.  Are you all right?”

Keep calm.  Take a sip of water.  A story.  Think of a story.

“Yes. I’m fine, sir.  I’m just upset and needed to pull over.”  Stalling.  What am I upset about?  I see a man walking his dog.

“Anything I can help you with, ma’am?”

“No. That’s very nice of you.  It’s stupid.  It’s just, my dog is sick and I had to leave him at the vet overnight.  It was hard walking away.”  I feel real tears. I don’t have a dog but I am worried and lonely for him.

“I’m sorry to hear that.  I have two dogs, myself.  I love ‘em like children.”

I start to cry a little, surprising us both.  I miss a dog that doesn’t exist.  I left him, sick and alone.  I am overwhelmed by his absence.

“Ma’am, do you need some help getting home?  I’m concerned about you driving like this.”

The dog is leaving me.  My thinking is clearer.  I need to go before he sees any evidence—the pills, the pillow, the Medic-Alert bracelet.  He’ll call an ambulance and I won’t drive for another six months, and that’s only if I don’t have any more seizures.  I won’t be able to get to work or buy groceries.  I won’t be able to choose any exit at all.

“I’m fine, officer.  Thanks so much.  I just want to go home.  I’m really fine.”

He looks at me closely.  I drink from my water bottle, shifting my head so he can’t see if my eyes still show confusion.

“All right, then.  You take care.  And I hope your dog gets better soon.”

“Thanks, officer.  Thanks so much.”  He finally leaves.

I haven’t had time to assess the aftermath.  I pull the rear view mirror toward me.  Not too bad.  I shake my hands through my messy hair so the curls fall back into their natural chaos.  I pull out my compact and pat some powder on my damp forehead.

I’ve known the choice is gone.  I look down at my jeans and watch the wetness moving purposefully from my crotch, to the insides of my thighs.  I turn off the hazards and start the car.  It doesn’t resist.  I get back on the freeway, take the next exit, make a left, another left at the second street and stop in front of the second house on the right.

 

 



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A Day at the Mall                                                                                           

by Saro Bedian

 

  decided to go to the mall one day.  It was a boring day, seeing as my best friend was busy studying and I was cut off from the incessant text messaging that usually went on between us.  I busied myself with video games for several (to be precise, six) hours before I felt that enough was enough, and after thinking about it for a while I decided a nice walk would be good for me.  Of course, in the middle of January it is brutal to take a walk outside, and I have a hard time freezing my butt off and thinking of it as “nice”.  So the mall seemed like a good idea.

I drove there in good time, found one of several enormous parking lots to tuck away my vehicle in, and entered the mall in good spirits.  I just felt a little bit strange, as I always do when confronted with flagrant commercialism.  Advertising is one of the few things that really gets my blood boiling; when entering the mall I made a conscious decision to keep my head down and pretend I was somewhere else.  This, however, did not work.

I entered through Sears, walked past the home appliances, and out into the weird world of mall browsers.  Of course, I had no intention of buying anything, mainly because I was broke.  But I made a quick stop immediately after leaving Sears at a Dunkin Donuts booth for an ice coffee.  The young man serving the coffee gave me the impression that he did not really like me, maybe because I left him no tip.  Like I said, I was broke.

So, walking away, wondering if the man’s dislike of me would somehow affect the taste of my beverage, I happened to notice another display.  This one was full of carved stone objects, clearly made by a talented artist.  I was immediately captivated by their work, as I usually am by art, and I took a moment to appreciate what was there.  There were many pieces of carved stone, some with images of animals and plants, others with natural scenes or people.  Very impressive work, and very expensive.  As I walked to the end of the stone pieces, my gaze landed on one in particular.  It was of a dog, and if I wasn’t mistaken, it was of a pug.  This stood out to me, because the best friend that I mentioned before had recently picked up a pug from an adoption agency, and she was crazy about it.

Now, before I continue, I have to make clear the nature of my relationship with this friend.  We started talking to one another a few years before, after having driven to Toronto together from Boston in order to visit family and friends.  I met her through my cousin.  They had lived together when they were teenagers and were very close friends.  My cousin and her family came to visit us in Boston, and because Olivia lived in Boston she came to visit us as well.  This is how we met.

Long story short, we started as friends and spoke to one another a lot on the phone, text messaging one another every day and finding time to hang out whenever we could.  It was heaven for me, especially after she made it clear that she was interested in me for more than just friendship.  Our relationship was very healthy and happy and it still is, though much of the romance has gone out of it.  The whole point of this little side note is to indicate that there was romance between us and that this influenced my decision on this particular day.

Back to the story, Olivia was crazy about her new pug, and now I’m staring at this beautifully carved image of a pug in stone.  Only one problem though, it would cost me one hundred and eighty five dollars to take it home with me.  Or would it?  I gazed around the scene, taking in the lack of attention on the booth that I was standing next to, and the complete lack of security within my range of vision.  I took this all in for an instant, and my mind immediately jumped to the next thought.  It was an impulsive jump, and thankfully I don’t act on my impulses without giving them some thought, because if I had, I would most likely have spent the rest of that day in a jail cell.  Just grab it and go. I thought.  And I believed I could do it.  There was no one tending the booth and hardly anyone in my vicinity at all.  Also, I had just walked in from Sears, the entrance to which was only fifty feet away.  But my superego kicked in and reminded me that stealing is wrong, let alone stealing from an artist.  These people make their living off of this, I thought.  It’s not like I would be stealing from a corporation.

So I turned and left, and tried to let the matter drop.  But as I walked aimlessly around the mall, my mind kept turning the situation over and over again.  I could steal it.  I could get away with it.  Olivia would be very pleased.  And so on and so forth.  I became obsessed with this carved pug that would make my best friend so happy to have.  Finally, I convinced myself that on my way back out, if the coast was clear, I would pick it up and nonchalantly walk out of the mall with it.  I rationalized this decision by telling myself that maybe the mall had purchased all the pieces of art from their maker and was now selling them at jacked up prices.  After all, one hundred and eighty five dollars is a lot of money for a relatively small, carved up piece of rock.  So I told myself as I prepared for the act of theft.

Finally making my way back to the booth with all the carved items, I casually picked up the stone pug, and pretended to walk around the booth, examining the other pieces there.  I was just going to turn and walk through Sears, out of the mall, and into my car, when I heard somebody say, “Security, Security!”   My heart leaped into my throat for a moment, though I immediately recognized the tone in the person’s voice as being ludicrous. However, the sudden response to my thought of walking away with the goods had unnerved me, and I made an effort not to show it in my demeanor.

The man walking towards me was about my height, middle aged, and wearing a shirt that screamed artist.  I really should have seen him to begin with, but my mind was more concerned with security, and no one was occupying the chair at the booth.  So I smiled and complemented the man on his work, telling him my story:  that my best friend had recently bought a pug, and I wanted to buy his work for her.  He seemed convinced of my innocence, though deep down I felt like he was looking right through me.  At this point I felt compelled to buy his work, because if I didn’t I would simply look like a complete jackass.  I talked him down to selling me the item at one hundred and fifty dollars, and proceeded to give him my credit card.  After swiping my card in his machine he returned it, saying that the card was not approved.  I was secretly relieved, because I really had not wanted to buy the carved stone anyway; I was just going to do it so that I would not look even shadier.

I muttered an apology, and in return he said six words that seemed to bore into my head, dripping with intent.  “No, I feel sorry for you.”  Trying not to have a nervous breakdown on the spot, I smiled again and left the mall.  At this point, internally I was a mess, but I managed to drive home safely and even get my mind off of what had happened with a cigarette.

I walked to my bedroom and sat down for a moment, trying to ease the tension that I felt.  Did he know the whole time?  I thought to myself.  Was he playing with me, or was I just being paranoid?  I was obsessed with that small interaction, and finally, annoyed with myself for having been such an idiot, I decided to check how much money I had on my card, just to get my mind off of things.  I should have had close to three hundred dollars left, so I was curious as to why my card had not been accepted.

I called the number on the back of the card, pressed the appropriate buttons to get through to the machine that I wanted to check my balance, and waited for the results.  The machine spit back at me that I had one hundred and thirteen dollars and twenty- seven cents left in my account.  I put down the phone, confused.  Sitting silently, I wondered when I might have spent the money.  As I tried to remember where I had been recently and where the money may have gone, another part of my mind suddenly put two and two together.

He knew.  Not only did the artist know what I was up to, he charged me the full price for the item and watched me walk out of the mall with empty hands!  At first I felt a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, but the feeling was followed by a sobering thought.  I guess I got what I deserved…

 

 



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The Secret to Prayer                                                                  

by Eric Bennett

 

was speaking with God this morning when he started weeping.  The pressure of answering everyone’s prayers is more than he can handle.  Who can blame him?

I pour him a cup of coffee and we talk at my kitchen table.

Apparently, the sheer volume of prayers has reached the point he needs to prioritize.  So, he jots down a few notes on a napkin:  answer first the prayers of the devout then the wicked.  Next, answer the prayers of the middle aged—the elderly and the young are, frankly, unrealistic.

God says, “I think this will help.”

I, on the other hand, am not so sure.  The problem with prioritizing is that it never really ends.  Once you start, there’s an ever increasing need to organize, to categorize.  But God’s not in a state to hear my reservations.  I offer a weak smile.

“I think I’ll concentrate on listening to the prayers of people when they bathe, I see them better naked; people are truer when they’re vulnerable.”

Now I’m uncomfortable.  I recall curling into a fetal position on the floor of my shower last week.  I catch God’s eyes and something like understanding passes between us but thankfully, nothing is verbalized.

God covers his face with his hands, “It was all so much easier in the beginning.  It was good, then.”

The wind rattles the kitchen window, startling God.

“I suppose I need to get back to work.  Thanks for the coffee.”

“You’re welcome.”

The air trembles and God disappears.

I stop praying for the next few days, a few less prayers for God to worry about.  I’m hoping this wins me brownie points.

Watching news over the next few weeks, I notice the lead stories becoming silly—panda births, everyday hero stories, giraffes birthing giraffes, octogenarians swimming the English Channel, hippos being born, and so on.  There’s a noticeable lack of serious news; God’s plan must be working.

Weeks pass one by one like box cars on a slow moving train.  Eventually, God intervenes in my situation, but, his Pinocchio fingers slip and my grandmother dies.  To explain himself, he shows up at my kitchen table.  This time, he makes the coffee.

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean for Vera to pass.”

A cold wind rattles the kitchen window startling me.  My shoulders shudder.

“I was intending euphoria, I suppose I overshot.”

God is speaking in whispered tones but all I hear is distant thunder.

“What you experience as death, I see as birth.  And what you experience as birth, I see as a kind of death.”

Finally, words make their way to my mouth, “Don’t break my heart with your explanations.”

“I’ll just go, then.”

“Fine.”

The air trembles and God disappears.

Weeks pass slowly like watching water boil.

Presently, I’m sitting before a cedar desk, before a white coat with dangling stethoscope, before an x-ray with a darkening spot, before a knowledgeable mouth awkwardly announcing, “You have cancer.”

“How bad is it—how long do I have to live?”

“Three, maybe four months.”

I need to get back to my kitchen table.

For three inconsolable days I wait for God, wandering through the rooms of my apartment wondering in which one I’ll die.  Drop dead on my bed, drop dead on the linoleum, drop dead on the hardwood—startling the infinite places a finite space has on which a body can drop dead.

Sleet flicks my kitchen window.

My coffee pot percolates.

God does not show.

Thirteen steps to the bathroom from my kitchen table, I shuffle them slow.  Turning the water on, I undress.  Stepping into the shower I kneel, head bowing heavy.

I sense God’s reluctant presence on the opposite side of the shower curtain.

Naked, I pray wordless prays.

 

 



                                                                                                        
 

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A New Technique                                                                                             

by Lisa Braxton


s she stood on the edge of the crowd that was forming on the front lawn of her apartment building, Sofia wiped her moist palms on her coat, exhaled, and repeated the phrase like it was a mantra:  Smile, Eye Contact and Touch, Smile, Eye Contact and Touch, Smile, Eye Contact and Touch.  Sofia had learned about The SET Plan, as it was called, from the facilitator of her weekly self-esteem support group meeting.  The facilitator had said that The SET Plan was a key building block to raising self-confidence.

Sofia didn’t have much time if she wanted to try out the technique.  With only one more session left, she knew she’d have to force herself to put The SET Plan to work if she wanted to report back her progress to the support group.

As the front lawn grew more crowded, she surveyed her neighbors looking for a friendly face.  Instead she saw scowls, furrowed brows, stiffly folded arms and weight shifting from one foot to the other.  She overheard grumblings about the “lame ass” fire alarm system that had forced everyone outside, interrupting dinners, homework assignments, and the final round of Dancing with the Stars.  She began to think that this wasn’t the right place to try The SET plan.

Then she noticed a man standing alone on the edge of the property.  His graying, feathered hair reminded her of the 80s.  Sofia figured he must have borrowed the dingy windbreaker he was wearing from a neighbor as he rushed out of the building because it was at least a size too small, and stretched over his lumpy midsection.  He had a bored, vacant look about him as he took a long drag on a cigarette that was down to the filter.  Poor guy was probably a chain smoker, she thought.

Sofia decided to try The SET Plan on him.  Using the coaching she had gotten from the facilitator, she closed her eyes, took a long breath and centered herself.  She thought back to the facilitator’s reassuring words:  Smile and you will seem relaxed.  Hold eye contact and you will appear sure of yourself.  Touch with a firm handshake or even a pat on the arm.  Sofia opened her eyes, worked up a broad smile and took slow steps in the man’s direction.  As she inched across the lawn her legs felt like cooked spaghetti that would give out from under her at any moment.  But she forced herself to keep moving.  Once she came up beside the man, she held out her hand and introduced herself.  She relaxed at the sound of her strong voice.  It didn’t quaver at all like it usually did.  She was pleased with the firmness of her handshake.

“I just wondered if you were as annoyed as everyone else, having to leave the building because of that alarm,” Sofia said, smile still in place.  “I think this is the third time this month it’s gone off.”

The man gently held onto her hand and stared at her for a long moment.  The crevices around his eyes grew sharper as his eyes narrowed.

“Sofia Lee, don’t you remember me?” he said.  “I’m Josh. Josh Taylor.  We were in the same class at Rindge and Latin.  I haven’t seen you in years.”

Sofia scanned her memory, felt a vague familiarness, but couldn’t place him.

“We were in homeroom together,” he continued.  “We used to sit next to each other,” he said.  As he spoke Sofia caught a whiff of stale liquor.  Josh flicked what was left of his cigarette into the grass and snuffed it out with the tip of his construction boot.  He let go of her hand and lit another one.

“Uh, I’m sorry,” Sofia stumbled over the words. “I’m not sure—”

“I’m not surprised you don’t remember,” he said, his voice getting louder.  “You were so quiet back then, you hardly talked to anybody.  I never saw anybody as quiet as you.”

Sofia felt a lump building in her throat.

“Well,” she said softly. “I guess I was pretty shy—”

“And you were a tiny thing back then,” he was becoming more animated.  “You’re pretty big now.  Wow!  You put on a lot of weight,” he said, raising his arms parallel like they were propellers. “But that’s okay.  What happened?  You pop out a couple of kids?”

Sofia began to regret trying out the exercise.  She looked around furtively to see if any of her neighbors had heard what he’d said.  To her relief, no one seemed to be paying attention.  She felt the blood drain from her face.  Sweat dripped from her armpits down her sides.  She could feel moisture in her crotch. 

“Oh, did I hurt your feelings?” Josh asked finally, softening his tone.  “I didn’t mean to.  You don’t look so bad.”

Sofia peered up at him and got a better look with the help of a streetlight.  Then she began to remember:  feathered, greasy blond hair, clunky construction boots, tattoos and tight-fitting, faded Jethro Tull T-shirts, welts and scratches on the face, trips to detention under strong-armed school security escort.

“No, I don’t live here, so I don’t know anything about an alarm,” Josh said, responding to her earlier remark.  “I’m over there,” he said, turning toward the two-story brick building kitty-corner across the street.  “They won’t let me smoke over there, so I sneak out.  They don’t notice.  I do it all the time.”

Sofia looked past him at the building he had gestured toward.  It was “Bright Horizons,” an alcohol and drug treatment center.  Sofia had remembered flyers posted in her building some time ago asking residents to attend a zoning board of appeals meeting to protest plans for the facility to move into the neighborhood.

“The only reason I’m over there is because of my kid,” Josh continued, his eyes darting from left to right.  “The judge says I can’t see him until I go through the program.  It’s all because of my ex-wife.  She’s crazy.  She told the judge a bunch of lies at the custody hearing.”

“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Sofia responded.

“It’s okay, though,” he continued. “When I get out of there, I’m getting a job, I’ll find a place to stay and then I can get my kid.”

It didn’t seem to Sofia that Josh’s life had gotten better since high school and maybe it was worse.  The bags under the eyes, the lines carved in his plump face and his disheveled appearance belied his age.  She thought of his child, longing to be with his father and the pain that Josh must feel over his broken marriage, broken family.

“How old is your son?” Sofia asked gently. “You must miss him a lot.”

As she waited for a response, she watched Josh’s demeanor change.  His body stiffened and his chest rose and fell noticeably through his windbreaker.  Sofia’s mouth grew dry as she realized that he wasn’t going to respond.

Then, the apartment manager walked to the center of the crowd and announced that the building was cleared for the residents to reenter.

“You uh, you t-take care of yourself,” Sofia said.  She extended a shaky hand to him.  But Josh ignored it and focused on his cigarette.  He took a long drag and then flicked the butt into the grass.  Without a word, he turned away from her in the direction of the treatment center.  After he had shuffled halfway across the street, he glanced over his shoulder at Sofia.  She could see that he was muttering angrily about something, but he was too far away for her to figure out what it was.

 

 


                                                                                                        
 

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Safety Issue                                                                                                                            

 by John Bruce

 

ob Willis had a problem:  he supervised a group of computer engineers, but their cubes were in sight of the CIO’s office.  This meant that the CIO himself, and anyone coming or going from his office (who of course was bound to be important) would almost certainly see the people in Bob’s area as they went by.  Bob had begun to worry about what might happen if, in the course of glancing inadvertently at his people, they might see one of them slouching, or gazing out the window, or surfing the web, and what this might imply for his career.

Clearly, Bob felt, for the bosses to think well of him, they would have to see that the people who worked for him were always diligent and attentive to their duties, and naturally it followed from this that it should be apparent to anyone who filed past his people’s cubes that they were always sitting in the company-approved workstation posture, feet flat on the floor, wrists supported just below the keyboard, back straight in the chair, gaze fixed slightly downward at the computer screen.

Bob’s chief problem was with George Dill.  “I’ve noticed,” Bob wrote him in an e-mail, “that when you’re concentrating on your work, you tend—unintentionally, I'm sure— to lean sideways in your chair.  I’ve mentioned this to you several times.  It’s important for our work unit, since we’re so close to Prakash’s office [Prakash was the CIO], that we display good work habits.  I’m having an increasing problem with your posture.  At this point, I’m going to have to take the position that your leaning so far to the side in your chair as you work is a safety issue, as it’s clear that leaning in your chair this way will lead to the chair falling over.”

George was no dummy.  If you wanted to fire someone for any ordinary reason, human resources made you jump through all kinds of hoops to get that person fired, warnings, writeups, probation, signatures, the whole routine.  But company policy was that if you refused to follow a supervisor’s order on a safety issue, it could be cause for immediate termination.  Obviously, this referred to things like hard hats and locking down machinery, but it was clear that Bob was going to push it on the matter of George’s posture, and the result would be unpredictable.

As it happened, George had an acquaintance in the safety department, and he called him to ask about the possible problem with leaning in his chair.  “It’s not a safety problem,” the guy told him.  “Notice that your chair has a five-legged base under the swivel?  That’s what we specify for office chairs.  The five-legged base makes it impossible to tip the chair over by leaning in it.”

”Hmm,” said George.  “Would you be willing to send me an e-mail saying that?”

”Of course.”  The e-mail was polite and informative, but e-mails like that aren’t sent without getting the once-over from higher-ups.  There was a definite tone that suggested anyone who might be thinking about freelancing on safety issues could run into political trouble at a high level—for instance, by implying that the safety department allowed the company to purchase hazardous office chairs.  George forwarded the e-mail to Bob without comment, and he heard nothing more about leaning in his chair.

The irritating thing about Bob was that when he lost a round that way, he’d simply shift into big-buddy mode.  He’d start palling around with you, both as a way to try to drain off any resentment you might still hold against him, and as a way of lulling you into dropping your guard and giving him an opening that would let him try to screw you again.  So a few days later, Bob sat next to George in a meeting, chatting with him before it got started as if they were friends.

Every conference room in the headquarters building had a flower pot in one corner with the same species of cactus.  The cactus branches were roughly square in cross-section, their surfaces somewhat crinkly, making them look for all the world like miniature green, spiky air conditioning ducts.  Eons of random natural selection had culminated in fitting the plant for surviving as trendy corporate décor.  Bob idly reached back to the cactus behind him and pulled out a spike.  He brought it back to the table in front of him and George.

”Isn’t this peculiar?” he asked.  The spike that he’d pulled out of the cactus had a sort of follicle clinging to it, and it was dripping a whitish liquid.

Bob passed it over to George, with the implication that George should take it and examine it for himself.  He was holding the needle by its sharp end, which meant that George had to take it by the sloppy end with the whitish liquid oozing from it.  George wasn’t exactly sure why he should examine it, or what conclusion he should draw from the examination, but he took the thing to go along.  He looked at it briefly, then tossed it into the trash basket.  There was a little bit of wetness on his thumb and forefinger, but he rubbed them together to get rid of it and gave the business no further thought.

A few minutes later, he rubbed his eye.  Once, George had been cutting jalapeno peppers and learned a big lesson: always wash your hands thoroughly after you’ve been cutting jalapeno peppers.  Otherwise, you might rub your eye and get a big surprise when your finger brings the pepper juice to your eye membrane.  When he rubbed his eye this time, he realized immediately the mistake he’d made.  But the goop from the cactus was worse than the juice from the jalapeno peppers.  Much worse.

He excused himself and went to the men’s room, but there wasn’t much available that could help.  Certainly he washed his hands, very thoroughly, but then all that was available to clean out his eye was a paper towel soaked with water, and that didn’t work.  Maybe, he thought, I should just wait a little, and the tears will clear it out.  No good.  It just kept getting worse.

He went back to the conference room and beckoned Bob out of the meeting.  “Somehow I got some juice from that cactus needle on my fingers, and then I rubbed my eye,” he said.  “I’m in a great deal of pain.”  It was clear enough that something was wrong: his eye was red and swollen.  “I guess I need to take you to the company doctor,” said Bob.

The company doctor was actually a medical group several blocks away that had contracts with local companies.  George had been there once before, to get his pre-employment physical, but that was just a fancy name for a pee-in-a-bottle drug test.  In fact, pee-in-a-bottle drug tests were pretty much all they were set up to do.  Not much happens in office buildings, unless you count the occasional mishap with a cactus needle. 

Bob drove George over to the medical group.  There was a doctor there when they came in the door.  He didn’t look like he’d had much to do all day, except maybe sit around thinking how good he looked in a white coat with his name followed by “MD” embroidered on the pocket.

George explained the problem.  The doctor didn’t seem to have any sort of plan to deal with it.  He picked up the phone and dialed a number off a list, but after he said a few words, he got put on hold.  So he sat down at his computer and pulled up Google.  Anyone can pull up Google, George thought to himself.

And even with Google, he didn’t seem to be making much progress.  “Let me explain something again,” George told him after several minutes.  “I’m in considerable pain.  I’m hoping we can do something about this problem with my eye.”

”I’m doing what I can,” said the doctor.  “I’ve called the poison center, and I’m trying to find references to poison cactus on the web.  What if this were a poison cactus?  Wouldn’t you want me to know about that?”

”I have a feeling that if this were a poison cactus, I’d already be dead,” said George.  “It doesn’t look like you’re getting any hits on it anyhow.  Is there a plan B?”  Doctors don’t respond well to that sort of give-and-take.  George already knew this, but he was beginning to see the doctor wasn’t going to make any progress without some serious prompting.  “I thought of something from my boy scout training,” he went on.  “Do you have a shower?  I think what needs to be done is to put my eye under a shower and wash the stuff out.”

The doctor got huffy.  “This is a doctor’s office, not a gym,” he replied.  Bob Willis had been watching and couldn’t believe what he was seeing.  Dill was mouthing off to the company doctor!  He licked his lips impatiently and almost pulled out his cell phone to video the whole thing.  He’d probably get all the way in to Prakash’s office with the story of Dill mouthing off to the doctor!  Dill was clearly unstable.  What a piece of luck!

The doctor got up, went into a storeroom and rummaged around.  He came back with a bag of saline solution.  He gave it to George and told him to hold it up so the saline would dribble into his eye.  George tried this for a few minutes, but there wasn’t enough liquid to rinse anything out effectively.  “You know,” he said, “I think I’d be better off going home and sticking my face into the shower.”

”Suit yourself,” said the doctor.  He was angrily making notes about George’s erratic behavior in case anyone tried to follow up.  Bob offered to drive him home.  After all, he’d never seen where George lived.  This was a great opportunity:  if he seemed to be living above his means, he could report that up the chain of command.  If his place seemed too shabby, he could report that, too.  Unfortunately, George lived in an ordinary condo, and Bob couldn’t see much from the outside.

George got home, got into the shower, and held his face under the spray for a long time.  Things finally got better, and he was back at work the next day.  He put in a call to his contact in the safety department.  “Do you know about those cactus plants in the conference rooms?” he asked.  He explained about the whitish goop that came out with the needles.  “I guess not many people would run into that problem, but I was wondering why the company has cactus plants in the conference rooms in the first place.  What if someone tripped and fell on one?”

”Let me get back to you,” said his contact.  But the news a day or so later wasn’t good.  “There’s not much we can do,” he said.  “The CEO himself picked the cactus out.  He’s a big cactus fan.  We really can’t push this one.”

Fair enough, figured George.  The world isn’t a perfect place, and sometimes you have to pick your battles.  On the other hand, as time went on, he kept wondering how much Bob really knew beforehand when he pulled the spike out of the cactus and handed it to him.  Bob had been with the company a lot longer than George, after all.  It could well have been payback for the first call to the safety department, and if that was the case, he was sending a message that things were a bit bigger overall than George and the safety department might ever surmise.

 

 



                                                                                                      
  

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Thrill Ride                                                           

by Roland Goity


he new amusement park, a sparkling sunny afternoon.  The big coaster was just around the corner and my ballooning fear felt tangible, as if it might suddenly burst and spread onto others like a virus.

I was there only by chance.  Our nine-year-old niece, Morgan, was spending a week with us in Phoenix, part of her summer vacation.  When my wife penciled in the visit, she was to be the chaperone.  The kid was ga-ga all week with anticipation, but my wife took sick—strep or something—so I reluctantly found myself escorting Morgan across acres of asphalt and small islands of tanbark, complicit in her quest to take in every ride.  When the Nighthawk came into view, however, my knees buckled and my face went flush.

Uncle Pete, look at that thing!  We gotta ride it!  Morgan said.  She rose to her tiptoes and bared her big crooked teeth.

Somehow I forced a smile, took her hand, and let her drag me to the end of the line.  She sidled up to the sign post that said You Must Be This High to Ride This Ride, and I held out some hope.  But my niece is tall for her age, and she cleared the marker by a good six inches.  Still, a pastel-colored sign indicated a 30-minute wait from where we stood.  Should we wait it out?  I asked her.  She just scrunched up her face as if I was crazy and said, Of course.

Five minutes went by, and then another five, and another.  We were halfway there. Morgan was rattling off an array of facts, opinions and observations: something about her Iowa home, something about a boy she knew, something about how sweaty I looked.  With a wave of hand I wiped my brow.  And yes; I was perspiring like a chicken on a spit. 

You okay, Uncle Pete?

I’ll survive, I said, hearing the riders’ screams and watching the roller-coaster train undulate as it sped along the track.  The Nighthawk is a modern, inverted steel coaster, with ski-lift style seats.  It climbs more than one-hundred feet in the air and travels at speeds up to fifty miles per hour.  Since it rides on the reverse side of the track unlike conventional models, one’s legs rather than one’s arms dangle as they go.  The park’s corporate parent is an old client, and a particular case of theirs necessitated that my knowledge of such coasters become extensive.  And while knowledge is power, I would have gladly exchanged it then for blissful ignorance like that enjoyed by my niece and the parkgoers around us.

Before long Morgan and I were perched right behind the chained gate and painted stripe at the front of the line.  We were the vanguard for the next group of riders.  My clammy hands rung one another and I could sense my anxiety and reticence was starting to rub off on my niece.  Her bravado had tempered, especially when the train screeched in to the dock with a jolt and people exited with ghost-white faces and dizzied strides.

There you go, the gawky teenage boy said as he unlatched the chain and started counting off riders.  Let’s take the front, Uncle Pete, and I blindly followed the order.  We fastened ourselves in and Morgan tried to assure me.  Don’t worry, it’ll be fun.

Eyes closed, I took a deep breath and grit my teeth.  When the coaster jerked forward, Morgan said, We’re off, and suddenly images sprouted to mind of a teenage boy jumping a cyclone fence and hopscotching his way along pavement, bounding over trailer hitches and guy wires.  We quickly picked up speed and my legs swayed limply, as dead to the world as a rag doll’s.  Weightlessness took hold as we ascended like a bullet and thrust into a revolution.  But no blue sky could I see, only the oblivious look on the face of young Eduardo as he bent down to snatch his Dodgers cap that day, moments before it happened.

Back and to the left, a pumpkin punted off a porch; back and to the left, a pumpkin punted off a porch.

I became lightheaded and nauseous; bile tickled the back of my throat.  Riders screamed in a mix of joy and fear, Morgan’s screams the loudest of all.  The roller coaster catapulted from one end of the track to the next, our bodies tossed like croutons in a salad.  My mind convulsed, and I thought back to those hours in the firm’s conference room, of repeatedly viewing the scene when Eduardo lost his head.  The plaintiff’s attorneys played the video in Zapruder fashion:  play, stop, rewind.  Over and over and over again.  Someone described the moment of impact like a pumpkin punted off a porch.

My racing heartbeat lessened once the ride smoothed out and slowed to a stop.  My eyes reopened, and, as we disembarked, I was nearly as relieved as when the plaintiffs agreed to our proposed settlement months before.  The boy had trespassed after all, and the award was simply insurance money against whatever negative press would have accompanied a trial.

Morgan jumped from her seat first and stood before me as fellow passengers exited quickly to our side.

Wasn’t that great, Uncle Pete?  Wasn’t that great?

Like a pumpkin punted off a porch, I told her.

She just laughed and asked if I’d get her some cotton candy.



 

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Five Things                                                                                                   

by Corie Ralston

 

.  I Forgive You

Funerals suck.

That's all I can think as they lower his coffin into the earth, random roots groping like horror movie hands from the spade-shiny dirt.  They totally suck.

I say as much to my stepsister, Jody, who stands beside me.  She lifts her designer sunglasses onto her head and says, "Every end is a beginning, isn't it?"

She has a fake British accent and is full of trite expressions just like that.  She's only been in England for two years, but she's learned to speak with that clipped superior edge and end every sentence with a question which isn’t really a question, is it?

"Aren't you even a little sad," I say.  "He was your father."

She turns away, not deigning to answer.

The minister doesn't know anything about my stepfather.  He drones on about the strength of family and community spirit.  Insipid platitudes.

My stepfather married my mom when I was thirteen and Jody was fourteen.  I didn't like Ted.  I didn't care how hard he tried or how much Mom wanted me to call him 'Dad'.  He took my mother away from me.  Before him, Mom and I used to have lunch together every Friday.  She would drive to the school on her lunch break, pick me up from the playground, and say, "What's on the menu today?" and I would say "Dumplings!" or "Pizza!" and there we would go, just Mom and me.  We used to watch movies on the weekends, and sometimes I would imitate Jim Carrey, running around and making all sorts of funny faces, and my mom would laugh and laugh.  Then she met Ted, and before I could count to ten he and my new stepsister had moved in and suddenly I was supposed to call this stranger 'Dad' and this gawky girl 'sister' and my mom never took me out to lunch again on Fridays.

 

2.  Please Forgive Me

The minister is finally done speaking.  Dirt hits wood.  The coffin sounds hollow to me.  Mom cries and cries and my three aunts surround her, holding her.

The grass has been recently mowed, smells like a happy summer day.  Except it isn’t.  I wish it would rain.  It doesn't seem fair that someone should be buried on a day when the sky is a giant blue glass bowl and bees drone lazily over clover.

My stepsister and I head toward mom.  A bee buzzes low toward a tiny yellow flower embedded in the lawn.  I try to step on it, but it gets away, making a proverbial bee-line away from danger, my looming foot.

"Who chose that minister?" I say.  "That guy didn't know dad."

My sister stops, balances one calf against the other knee, rattles a small pebble from her Chelsea boot, puts it back on.  "Did you know dad?" she says mildly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I say.

She's the one who's been gone for the last two years, just picked up and moved to London after high school.  I was the one who went to college in town, helped pick up groceries and fix the internet connection and other non-glamorous tasks, thank you very much.

"I just mean he wasn't much of a talker," she says.

She's right.  Mom was the talker in our family.  It's hard to get a word in edge-wise when she's on a roll, and Ted was always the strong, silent sort anyway.

My aunts part like the red sea.  We hug mom.  She clings to me, and for a moment I'm afraid she'll never let go.  Her eyes have a desperation in them.  Ted used to take care of everything for her.  He made flight reservations.  He drove the car.  He tended the garden.  She's lost her boat, treading water on a giant ocean, no land in sight.

As she pulls away she whispers, "He loved you best.  Of his two daughters."

I am shocked.  I glance at Jody, hoping she hasn't heard.

My stepsister turns, and just for a second, I catch something in her face, a bending of some kind, like branches under snow, yielding under a soft relentless burden.

When they first moved in, Mom set up the office as a bedroom for Jody.  She said they would put an addition on the house for Jody, that Ted would build it.  Ted was a contractor and a carpenter, a good one.  But Mom had him fixing the kitchen cabinets first, and building a deck, and then it always seemed there was something more pressing.

Jody stayed up late, played her music too loud, slammed doors.  My mom always said Jody never wanted to be part of the family, how she would never accept my mother as her own, how she said mean, angry things to Ted when no one else was around.  She didn't do well in school.  She left the day after she graduated, and Mom converted her room back into an office as if she had never lived there at all.

I was the good kid, the one who did the dishes without being asked, who kept my music down.  But now I realize:  it's easy being the good kid when someone else is playing the bad kid, and you know you are more loved.

 

3.  Thank You

Back at the house we sip a warm brandy concoction that Ted's brother has made.

Mom disappears with her sisters upstairs.  The house starts to fill up with friends and relatives.  I can barely focus well enough to say hello to them.

Jody lifts an old album from its dusty home on a high bookshelf.  She sits on the familiar brown sofa and I sit beside her, relieved to have an excuse not to talk for a while.

We look at pictures of the family in Ted's nineteen-seventies cornflower blue rambler.  He loved that car.  When I was sixteen I managed to sideswipe a fire hydrant, leaving a long rusty red streak down the side of the car.  Jody ran it into a tree once.  Ted never said anything about the scratches and dents and general wear we put on that car.  Mom made him sell it, finally, for a minivan.

"I ran out of gas once," I said.  "Right after I got my license.  Three miles outside of town.  Ted rode over on his bicycle."

Jody smiles, but I see the tears on her cheeks.

I remember that night well:  My stepfather arrived on his bicycle, gas can in the basket.  It was freezing cold, dark clouds hanging low, and his cheeks and nose were bright red from the wind.  He didn't say, "How could you be so stupid?"  He didn't say, "I hope you've learned your lesson."  He didn't say anything.  He just filled the car up, patted me on the shoulder, and put the bicycle in the trunk.

"He let me drive home," I say.

"That's the kind of thing he would do."  Jody's accent is gone.  I look at her.  She wipes her eyes, and the accent returns.  "He was a good man, wasn't he?"

Later, after Jody left and I was in college, I would go over sometimes when mom was off on her own at the women's society group, or her book club.  Me and my stepfather would putter around in the garden.  He showed me how to plant vegetables from seedlings, how to press the tiny pressed dirt rectangles into the ground.  He never talked much.  Sometimes I told him about my job and he just listened.  I remember when I told him about the promotion I didn't get, half expecting him to say something non-committal.  Instead he said, "Those bastards."  That was the only time I ever heard him swear.

And then before I quite realize it,  I am crying.  I don't remember ever telling him that I loved him.

Jody puts her arm around me.  I remember that for the last two years she has emailed me every month, checked in on me, made an effort to stay in contact in her own quiet way.  All through Ted's illness she called home every few days.  She is more like her father than I ever realized.

 

4. I love you

Ted's brother Gerry is talking loudly, and I look up to see his bright red nose, his bloodshot eyes.  He is trying to pick up a woman I barely recognize, a friend of Mom's.  She shies away from him, bangs her calf on the coffee table in front of us, and then sits down abruptly right on the table.  Jody's drink wobbles and then overturns.  The woman stands up, throws her drink into Gerry's face and stalks away.

Gerry just blinks, brandy dripping off his nose.  Jody's drink reaches the edge of the table, hesitates a fraction of a second, and then plunges over in a miniature waterfall.

I try to hold it in, but the laugh comes up from somewhere deep inside and it won't be contained.  I laugh, and then Jody starts to laugh, and then suddenly everyone is laughing.  And I realize:  Ted would have laughed, too.

He would have laughed at the sheer silliness of the situation, at his brother's incompetent ill-attempted pass.  He had a big, contagious laugh, so out of place on a shy man, and it always made everyone else laugh.

And suddenly Jody and I are young again, laughing together.  One summer we built a treehouse in the front yard, with lots of help from Ted, and we used to lie up there on our stomachs and watch people walking below, giggling and pretending to be spies.  We made up stories about Martian invasions, we shared notes on the boys at school.  I helped Jody with her homework sometimes, and she told me about the escapades of the older kids.  At the kitchen table we didn’t speak to each other, but in the treehouse we were friends.

And then we are old again, laughing together.  And I think:  Maybe her accent is because she wants to belong to somewhere.  Maybe she wishes her father had stood up for her just once.  Maybe we can be friends inside this house.

 

5. Goodbye

The commotion has brought Mom back downstairs and the laughing quiets down to a low respectful murmur.  Mom sits on the couch between us, holds the photo album.

"That old thing," she says, looking at the pictures of the rambler.  She looks so completely lost, and I lean into her, thinking she might just fall over without warning.

In the rare times that Ted left town on business, Mom would call me five times in one evening to ask how to get on the internet, to find out where Ted stored the spare lightbulbs.  It wasn't that she couldn't figure those things out herself.  She needed to know someone was there for her, that someone was looking out for her.  And what will she do now?  She has lost her anchor, is drifting in uncharted territory.

"I can stay for a while," Jody says to mom.  "If you'd like."

"That's all right, dear," my mom says.  She wipes her eyes.  "Your sister is here."

I don't have to look at Jody to know she has that expression again; that falling look.  And I realize: if Jody leaves now she will not come back.  She does not think she is wanted here.

"I'd like it if you stayed," I say.  "I have a spare room."

Jody doesn't look at me.  But she nods.

When Jody walks off to put her luggage in my car, my mother says, "She won't stay long.  She has no reason to now that Ted's gone.  She never liked me, you know."

I almost say:  Maybe you never gave her a chance.  But I don't say that. I realize that there are many things I didn't see as a child in this family, didn't understand.  There are things I will probably never understand.  I am also drifting into uncharted territory.

But I do know that Jody and I will always be sisters:  we will always share a past, and we know each other in ways that friends do not.

 

Jody and I drive through town in silence.  The poplar trees have grown up, spread canopies across the older streets.  I used to shinny up those trunks; now they are bigger around than me.

I think how things can get big so quickly.  Trees widen and buckle sidewalks, children grow up and move away, angry words become reasons and rifts.  But the world does not stop changing.  Wounds do heal.  There are second chances.

"I'm seeing a therapist," Jody says abruptly.  "He says there are five things you need to say to someone to say goodbye."

"What are they?"

"I forgive you.  Please forgive me.  Thank you.  I love you.  Goodbye."

"Good bye is a little redundant, don't you think?"

She smiles at me, though she is crying.  "I didn't get to say any of those things to Dad."

I didn't either.  "I'm sorry," I say.

"But endings are also beginnings," she says.  "Aren't they?"

"Yes," I say.  "Sometimes they are."

 

 

 


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The Paranoia of the Swiss Cheese Maker                                                                 

by John Vespasian



will never reveal my formula to anyone," announced Ludovico Egli to the venture capitalists.  At that point, it was obvious that the negotiation was over.

After spending three days in Brussels, trying to obtain funding to keep his farm afloat, Ludovico Egli had decided to reject the financiers' final offer.

Ludovico's father had passed to him the secret recipe for making Emmenthal cheese with mountain herbs.  One day, it might be Ludovico's turn to pass the recipe to his son.  No, he would never let strangers into a secret that had belonged to his family since the times of Wilhelm Tell.

Ludovico drove back from Brussels to Bern in his old Volkswagen, wondering what he was going to do next.  He had placed all his hopes in obtaining funding from the Brussels venture capitalists.

After the failure of the negotiations, Ludovico Egli had no idea where to turn next.  He was already two months late with his mortgage payments and he feared that his local bank might foreclose his farm, the land of his father and his ancestors.

When Ludovico arrived at his farm in Muri, a village near Bern, he went to bed and fell into an agitated sleep.  The following morning, he got up early, as he usually did, milked the cows, took his leather bag, and walked up the mountain to pick up wild herbs to make cheese.

Ludovico knew exactly where to go.  On Ludovico's seventh birthday, his father had revealed the place to him and sworn him to secrecy.  "I will do whatever it takes to protect the recipe, I will protect the secret with my life," Ludovico had sworn to his father.  A quarter of an hour later, he arrived at a cliff, stood still, and looked around to make sure that he was alone.

The secret herbs grew next to that cliff and nowhere else, as though they could not grow without the constant challenge of the wind.  Ludovico bent down and began to pick up herbs, putting them in his leather bag.

"On Monday, I saw you drive by," said a female voice behind Ludovico's back.  He froze and the herbs in his hands felt as warm as a cow's breath in January.  Ludovico turned around slowly and faced Marguerite Stutsi, who lived in an isolated house near Ludovico's farm.

"I saw you drive by the petrol station," she explained with a smile.  Of course, realized Ludovico, as he remembered that Marguerite worked in the restaurant next to the petrol station.  He had known Marguerite all his life.  With the years, her natural beauty had become less conspicuous and more profound.

"I was just going for a walk," Ludovico replied, as though to justify his presence by the cliff.  I could have not given a more stupid answer, he told himself.  She must think that I am retarded, or even worse, a liar.  Besides, how could she help seeing my leather bag and the herbs in my hands?

Marguerite Stutsi contemplated Ludovico in silence for a long moment, wondering why he had never asked her out.  All single men in Muri had asked Marguerite out.  All except Ludovico.  They walked together down the mountain slope, exchanging few words.

She has seen me pick up the secret herbs, lamented Ludovico in his heart.  Now she knows the secret, the recipe of my father and my ancestors.  What if she tells anybody?  The mere thought that his formula could fall in the hands of strangers was making Ludovico sick.

They stopped walking when they reached the crossroad and stared at each other.  For a second, all crazy ideas came to Ludovico's mind.  Killing Marguerite and throwing her body down the cliff.  Kidnapping Marguerite and keeping her prisoner in his farm.

But then he would have to take care of her all day, and who would milk the cows?  Who would make the cheese?  Damn woman, what was she doing all on her own in the mountain?  Why didn't she have a husband and children to take care of?  No, he could not let her take away the secret.

"Marguerite," he said in an irritated tone, "will you marry me?"  The question did not seem to take Marguerite Stutsi by surprise.  She shrugged her shoulders and replied simply.  "Why?"

Ludovico's answer showed his long practice in cheese-making.  "It's better to mix the herbs while the milk is still fresh.  Besides, I have been planning to talk to you already since five years ago."  Ludovico saw Marguerite hesitate and he added a further argument.  "I want you to know that I don't mind that you work in a restaurant."

She looked at him in the eyes and nodded.  It was only after the wedding that Ludovico learned that Marguerite actually owned the restaurant near the petrol station.  Their daughter, Lisette, was born a year letter.  One day, Ludovico will walk with his daughter up the mountain.  One day, Ludovico will pass the secret recipe to her.


 


                                                                                                      
 
                                                                                                      
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The Orthographers                                             

by Kane X. Faucher

                                                                       

Part One  
                                                                                                                                                                          

he story I must relate is an unbelievable one, and despite our age's wearying of fabulists and weavers of impossible fictions, I can assure my hearers that I share their exasperation.  To that end, I beg pardon and patience for the unlikely and vertiginous events that befell me but are as true as my memory, and the setting of my now evacuated youth, will allow.

My story begins at age 26, a significant age for its numerical value, but yet still an age where men are hardly fully formed.  Now that I'm 52, an equally numerically significant age, I can say that I'm formed, but not well, like a negligent and hastily produced attempt at pottery.

How I came to discover the orthographers is something that, with the unhurried pace that comes with age, I will reveal gradually.  It is not that I fancy myself in any way or manner a prose artist, or wish to multiply the consternation of my hearers with overwrought descriptions suffused with pretty language, but that I am subject to the demands of factual and sequential narrative telling.

My name was then Jason Johns, as it still is today, although names remain inalterable even in the face of the greatest changes, calamities and triumphs.  My name then and my name now only appear identical when, in fact, events change its character.  What I do know now, and what I did not know then, is the significance and weight of every letter in my name—bland as it appears— as well as the equal importance of every name.  Not, of course, like some crude Cabalist confusing deduction with convenient numerical imposition, for such inane mystic balderdash chooses to see a self-generated pattern as the divine Order of all existence.

At the age of 26, where my tale begins, like most men in my time, I was a listless and nomadic youth, spirited away easily by unfocused eagerness and the secret cloying need for some definitive purpose—any purpose—to better manifest what youth feels is their lot in glorious destiny.  I was a good traveller by nature, taking whatever opportunity a small finance would provide to brown my flesh on exotic shores rimed with proud palms or feel the exhilarating chill of hiking through dense and dark northern boreal forests.  There was no area so forbidden I would not take to explore, no matter how distant or unseemly.  Guided by whim and lack of purpose, I pressed a pioneering foot on many a soil.  There were no anchors to my spirit, so I went where I wished, the more remote the better.

One such jaunt, the one that I cannot seem to efface from a memory so over-full and now a fading and aged tapestry, took me to a place that exists on no maps, if it really exists at all.  Deserts had, from childhood, always captivated me as it did T.E. Lawrence.  My intended journey would be to go up through Saudi Arabia and deep into the furrowed tracks once left by the mighty Persian Empire.  My guide, Ibn al-Hamadi, had a preternatural skill for navigating his way through a sandy biome without much in the way of geographical markers.  I thought it impolite to inquire after his one missing hand, but it was the result of justice served for a crime he would come to commit once more upon this unsuspecting and starry-eyed tourist.  Far be it from me to judge him harshly, even now, for what sort of honest employment is there for someone already mutilated and marked, condemned to repeat his offence?  Of course, my knowledge of their laws was then as absent as Ibn al-Hamadi's right hand. I will say that, for his part, he was a reliable guide regardless of how, one night while I assumed we were both asleep, he made off with both our camels and all my money.  But, as many young men do, I treated the event as just another circumstantial detail, fancying it just another chapter in the ongoing novel of my life.  Panic does not touch those who feel, justly or not, blessed, guided by the unjustified belief that no lasting harm can ever befall the protagonist.

We had travelled too far for me to consider backtracking on foot, so I placed faith in my youthful fortitude to push on towards my next goal.  With no water, and that merciless sun overhead battering me, I trod on.  That sun was both tormentor and saviour, depleting me of strength yet acting as my bright compass through that infinite desert landscape with no identifiable markers.  The sandstorms that would whip up from time to time were severely harsh, and each step brought me closer into that terrain of trance one experiences under conditions of extreme heat and lack of food and water.  One must remember that back then I wasn't the hardened man with such unbearably strict thinking, and so perhaps I secretly enjoyed this test of my will.

I cannot say exactly how long I travelled across that unforgiving terrain before consciousness fled me, nor how long I lay in what was to be my open sandy tomb.  Fated to be spared, I was prodded awake by a man holding a stick.  The sandstorm had vanished and it was midday—the cruelest time to be lost in the middle of the desert.  The figure who had prodded me, perhaps poking to see if I were already dead, was far more appropriately attired for desert travel, in light layers of silk.  His mouth, behind a wiry beard, was defiant, and his eyes burned.  Wordlessly, almost reluctantly, he bade me to follow.

The desert upon which I had found myself was like no desert I had ever seen.  The sand was a powdered obsidian black, and the heat it collected and returned made walking even in boots as though upon lighted coals.  My rescuer's skin was smudged with this black sand, the look of a miner well inured to his stifling surroundings.  He frugally shared a goatskin bladder of water as we made our way, and we briefly camped in the evening when he shared some ghastly fare only extreme hunger allowed me to partake in.

We moved steadily across that black blanket, him of surer foot than I.  Neither of us essayed a word to one another, and I had assumed it would have been pointless to strike up conversation seeing as he probably only spoke his tribal tongue.  However, by nightfall, he surprised me with a clearly spoken English:

We are not in the habit of admitting trespassers.

I—I had no intention.  I was robbed and abandoned by my guide, left to wander without provisions.  If you had not come along, I would have surely died.

This is true, but we do not believe in accidents—you are still trespassing.

I could tell that my woeful predicament did not faze him, for he brushed it aside with a gruff lack of sympathy.  After another prolonged silence, I asked, Where am I that I am trespassing?

You are in the domain of the desert engineers.  We are nearing the boundary where our workshops are stationed.

Do you all speak English so well?

We less speak than manufacture this language called English, was his cryptic reply.

Are you all under the employ of a British or American company?  This seems a desolate and remote area to conduct work.

No.  I will answer no more questions.  The only reason I am taking you with me is because it is a shameful thing for someone so young to die.  You will be brought before our Guildmaster, lodged for one night, outfitted with provisions, and one of our own will guide you on your way.

I had not thought to ask him his name, and I was sure given his rather taciturn manner and determined gaze trained on impossible distances that it was of no importance to him.  It seemed to me that, for a man of his comportment, names were beneath him, or perhaps so sacred that they could not be uttered so carelessly and irreverently.  The only other precedent I have since found on the sacredness of names has been among some gypsy cultures where a mother assigns a secret name to her child that only they know, for to reveal it to anyone else is to risk the devil stealing the child's soul.  My own name, in a land so vast and mysterious, soaked with the blood of endless feuding, the birthplace of the concept of zero, seemed a ridiculous thing to me, so paltry and meaningless.  My namesake obtained the fleece through less than heroic means in a celebrated tale that would have barely been a minor footnote in the narrative legacy of these people.  Even in my misguided romanticizing, I suspected that desert people would always outpace us in their profundity, leaving even the best of us passive and confused ethnographers desperately grasping for understanding.

My new guide led me to a fortification.  I could see enormous piles of the powdery black sand being poured from the ramparts.  As I would learn, this lost tribe did not follow Allah, but the Aleph, but this element of my story is premature.

Despite the misfortune of my circumstances, I had already been judged a trespasser, and was treated thusly.  Gruff faces with grisly beards spied me with unconcealed mistrust and contempt as we approached the main gates.  My guide explained to the guards that I had been orphaned, a foundling of the unforgiving desert, and that my passage away would be speedily arranged.  He also did not bother to make any excuses on my behalf, dubbing me harshly with that title of trespasser.

It is written that none but our tribe see the Work, one guard admonished, reciting as if from some invisible scripture.

His eyes shall remain hooded from the Work.  Praise be Aleph, replied my guide.

Praise be Aleph, the two guards answered simultaneously, opening the two heavy stone doors by means of a crank mechanism.

I did not chance to glimpse at what lay behind those gates, for a guard tied a blindfold around my eyes.  I was led by the hand through what my artificial blindness would have assumed were winding corridors.  When next sight was restored to me, I was face to face with a stern old man with a long grey beard and a beige ceremonial robe.  He had the look of a frightening biblical patriarch, and a scowl etched his face.

Announce yourself before me and this council, trespasser, he boomed.

My name is Jason Johns, an American.  I lost my way when my guide deceived me and abandoned me to certain death until one of your people encountered me unconscious in the desert.

What is your guild, Jason Johns American?

Guild?  I have no guild.  I am just a traveller.

Trespasser, I was corrected.

He is b'rethtu, said what I assumed was the patriarch's vizier.

B'rethtu? I echoed.

He means 'nomad', a man with no guild, no place, and no purpose, explained the patriarch.

I was on the verge of protesting, that I had a place, an apartment in Seattle, a family, and so forth, but immediately redressed myself.  Was I not a nomad?  Without purpose or direction, a long series of temporary jobs and aimless globetrotting in some half-hearted attempt to discover myself.  The pronouncement of nomad was perhaps exceptionally apt.

He cannot remain here, said the vizier.

That is written, said the patriarch.

Amid a plethora of inconsequential protests I made, insisting on accidental circumstances to efface this nomination of being a trespasser, they would hear no more.  Nothing further would be revealed that night, and I was led away to be bedded down in an antechamber with a floor fashioned of rough jute.

 

(to be concluded)


 
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Laine Perry

 

 

 

 

Venice Boys

Laine Perry

 

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Aces Up

Darla Farner

 

 

 

 

Melody

Darla Farner

 

 

 

Under the Sea

Darla Farner

 

 

 

 

 

Funny Farm

Darla Farner

 

 

 

Fire Sky

Darla Farner

 

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blue object

Peter Schwartz

 

 

 

 

coercion

Peter Schwartz

 

 

 

innuendo

Peter Schwartz

 

 

 

little ghosts

Peter Schwartz

 

 

 

telescope

Peter Schwartz

 

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Ba-Donk-A-Donk

Mikayla Rose Alexander

 

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Sengyo (Jugijo) 

Yosa Buson


                                                                                                                                                
                                                       

Five Poems by Yosa Buson                                               

translated by EP Allan

 

LXXXI

つ 座 玉
ば 右 人
き ひ の
哉 ひ
  ら
  く

Tamazuri no
zaiu ni hiraku
tsubaki kana

A perfect girl
opening at one’s side
camellias

***************

XXXV

北 南 梅
す す 遠
べ べ 近
く く

Ume achikochi
minami subeku
kita subeku

Here
   and there plum blossoms
falling in the south
falling in the north

******************

XXXIII

月 枯 し
夜 木 ら
哉 に 梅
  も の
  ど
  る

Shira ume no
kareki ni modoru
tsukiyo kana

The grey plum blossoms
     on the dead tree come back
in the moonlit night

*******************

VII

そ 雀 鶯
れ 歟 を
も と
春 見
  し

Uguhisu o
suzume ka to mishi
soremo haru

Warblers
or sparrows? See —
it’s spring

********************

V

暮 声 鶯
に 遠 の
け き
り 日
  も

Uguhisu no
koe touki hi mo
kure ni keri

As the sun sets
the warbler’s distant voice
also ends

                                                         
  

                                                         
  
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